Busy

I am busy. But I am here to remind you that the Swedish Festival has started. Head over to the carnival. and we will have some very special guests. Plus I will have an autograph session everyday. Just come and find out. Or if you can't come, wait for the Carnival Report at the end of the Carnival. Any citizen of New Sweden, Sweden, Finland or Fiji gets in free. Everyone else gets in for a daily ticket of $2 for 8 and unders, $3 for 8-18 and $5 for adults. Seniors get in free. As do toddlers (2 and under). But if you are a citizen of Canada, Norway, Russia, or USA, you have to pay $5 per person, no matter what age they are. Tickets for the whole event are selling for $40 each. They give you unlimited access to the fairgrounds until the Carnival is over. That's all folks. Carnival ends December 28.

Incredibots

Found this cool physics simulation game. Here is an example of what you can do.
http://incredibots.com/?robotID=438921
It is a four player battle game. Hope it works.

Here is the game itself.



I like the dark knight level. You find it under load bot. Plasy aroung with this game. Have fun.

Annoucements

The Swedish Fish Festival will begin on December 19, 2008 at 8:15AM and will last until 11:15 PM each day until December 28,2008. It will be held at the Carnival Grounds near the Royal Palace. Everyone is invited. There might even be a special guest. Or two. Or three.

The Short Story contest will end on January 7, 2009. Send in your stories. Please keep them publishable.

Greshkhan will be back soon with part two of his article of Vampyrs. Look forward to it.

Remember no more chocolate. Swedish Fish is where it is at.

The wise guy is back from the Himalayas. He says, "Wise Guy's Warning: Loaded guns may be hazardous to your health."

Share your Hatred

Comment on what you hate. Then we laugh and tell you to go get a life.

What I hate

1. Unpublishable Elvin Oathes who think they are better than I
2. America
3. Pirates
4. The Common Demon
5. "Revel Monkez" (It is a band)
6. Dirk the Jerk of West Eaty-fourth Street
7. Negitive People
8. Idiots
9. Insignificant people (that means you Titan-Slayer)
10. you
11. Lucky Charms after people have removed all the Mashmellaz
12. Ugly People

SO now post what you hate.

The Epic History of The Wyrm News, New Sweden and All that Matter: Part 2/36+

The Epic History of The Wyrm News, New Sweden and All that Matter: Part 1/36+ - The Demon-Slayers.

The Demon-Slayer are a group of elite humans that have vowed to save the world from Demons. They were created in BC 3272 in the aftermath of a great massacre by demons. It was formed when some elves walked up to the seven survivors and granted them semi-immortality in exchange for an oath to fight the Demon Scourge until we were killed. There are now to councils of Demon-Slayers: The Grand Council and the Greater Idiots. The Grand council is composed of the six remaining original Demon-Slayers (one left us for the Demons), with me being the Head. The Greater Idiots are composed of the twenty people that are still alive that we made into Demon-Slayer. The are led by the Greatest idiot in the World: Titan-Slayer. He can't even kill a demon. Only Titans. Titans are easy to kill. It is a fancy way of saying big drunk guy. The Greater Idiots follow the command of the Grand Council. Since the Demon have been in Retreat for about the last 300 years we have been keeping peace throughout the world and readying it for the next invasion. The members of the Grand Council are (not real names and with positions): Mythos Wyrm, head of the council, eldest member of the Demon-Slayer, Representative to Australia (though I don't Stay there) Lord of New Sweden, with the webdings symbol of % ; Sercatha, Vice-Head of the Council, Representative in South America, and Official Cook with a symbol of ,; Greshkhan, Monster-Hunter, rep to Europe, and Librarian with the symbol, Ls; Crynearg, Treasurer of the Demon Slayers, Asian Rep and Trainer of the n00bs, with a symbol of ~; Ferdirend, African Rep, explorer, muscian, and blacksmith with a symbol of @; and Annawyn, North American Rep (sucker!!), assassin and master juggler with a symbol of !. They Great Idiots don't matter. That is enough for know.

I told you so...

Well He-who-houses-terrorist-sticks chose Hillary Clinton as his Secretary of State. So my prediction was almost right. He chose someone even worse than Osama Bin Laden. Hilliary Clinton is evil. And a Walmart Executive. She probably worked for Disney too. Obama should have chosen Monica Lewinsky if he couldn't choose Osama Bin Laden. That would be a slap in the face for Clinton. And Clinton (the other one) probaly would hang out at the White House way too much. Next I told people to protect thier oil. Then $100,000,000 of oil was stolen. I told you so. Well that is all for this post.

Vampyrs

Well I have something important to tell you about kids. In all seriousness I am going to tell you somethings that may save your life. See I am the Resident Vampyr-Slayr of the Demon Slayers. Vampyrs are the followers of demon who have sacrificed their life for the secret of immortality. They may also be someone who is under the control of a vampyr. A Vampyr Lord is a vampyr who has control of more than five people, animals, or other living things. The type of Vampyr that is formed when a Vampyr takes control of a person is also called a Zombie. Of course that is misleading as a zombie is also the animated dead, a person under their control of a witch doctor and more. There are 5 ways to kill a Vampyr. The first one is to stab the vampyr in the heart. This way is advised as it can be anything that stabs them in the heart, as long it is pointy. But if the object is removed too quickly, it gives the Vampyr time to heal itself, so the object should not be removed until you know the Vampyr is dead. Silver items work the best for reasons explained later. The body should be burned. The second way to kill a Vampyr is by beheading it. This way is easy, fast and fun. The head and/or body should be burned promptly in order to prevent crazy followers from sacrificing themselves to raise the Vampyr. But it is not required as the Vampyr is killed. The third way is to burn the vampyr. This is fun and of only medium difficulty. Vampyrs can be burned in many ways. Holy water works as does normal means. Even a magnifying glass works, though it is ineffective due to the fact that you must burn a substantial amount of the Vampyr so that it dies. The fourth way is shoving holy water down its throat. This is hard an ineffective, though fun. The holy water burns holes n the digestive system so that the Vampyr digests itself. The fifth way is to starve it. This is hard and requires many months of work, combined with candles, holy symbols, garlic, consecrated dirt, silver boxes, and a holy(wo)man or exorcist. Once the Vampyr starves it loses the ability to control its minions and be immortal. It ages to the age it should be in a matter of minutes. The body doesn't have to be burned unless the body doesn't start decomposing in the attempt to catch up with time. If the Vampyr lives after the aging process than it will remeber nothing of its vampyr life. No need to kill the poor person because there will be no way for it to become a vampyr again. The sixth way is to bombard the vampyr with images of donuts using your mind. This is extremely effective but very hard to do. It also makes you hungry. The Vampyr needs life force to survive. Because they can't suck it up psychically, they must suck it up physically. This means sucking blood. They don't like blood with garlic or holy water in it. As a Vampyr has less life force it becomes weaker and has a harder time healing itself. When a Vampyr sucks enough life force out of someone they can leave it to die, or turn that person into a Vampyr type 2, or Vampyr Zombie. These Zombies follow the every command of thier master. They too need life force, but they can't hold as much of it and they are weaker. Also when a Zombie sucks enough life force out of some one they don't gain control of the person. Instead control instantly goes to the Zombie's master. The more followers a Vampyr Lord has, the more life force it has, as it can steal some life force from its minion anytime it wants, no matter where the minion is. This makes killing powerful Vampyr Lords extremely difficult. Vampyr can enter any building they can break into, though it is easier if they open the door but they can't magically go through doors. Light does not hurt them and they can cross running water. They can not enter a holy area. This makes Vampyrs extremely uncommon in the Papal States, which isn't that important since the Papal States are a great .17 square miles large. Things that you should have to defend yourself from Vampyrs are: garlic( they don't like the smell or tatse), a holy item( example:Cross, Crescent Moon, Star of David, a saint's anklebone etc), holy water (burns them with a burn that like silver, they can't heal with their "magic") a pointy silver object( like a knife, steak, stick, bar watch, pointy cross etc), matches and gasloline (to burn the body), and some sort of candle or incense. There are more things for you to know, but I must reveal them in a later post of: Defence against Monsters By Greshkhan.
-Greshkhan

Postponment and other Notices

The Short Story contest due date will be extended until after the Swedish Fish Festival, which is coming up soon. Chocolate will be allowed for the next seven days in all of New Sweden. But once those Seven Days are up, no more chocolate may be brought into the country and all chocolate must be eaten. There is no need to thank me for this generosity. Due to shortages there will be no Salt Pork in your rations this week. All military officials are to report to the Grand Palace tomorrow at 9:27 AM, precisely for a meeting. The hungry thieves contest is still on Schedule, so don't miss it. Finaly all I can say is I told you so. More on that later.

Let us be Klipspringers

An ode to Klipspringers:

Paching, dading.

Watch the mighty Klipspringer Spring

Rock to Rock,

Spock to Spock,
He is not good to mock.

Pigs Can Fly!!!!! And Other Bits'o'Logic

Lets prove that Pigs are birds.
Given: Ostriches are Birds
Prove: Pigs are birds

1- Ostriches are birds- Given
2- Ostriches can't fly - Known Fact
3- Pigs can't fly- known fact
4- Ostriches are pigs- Transitive Property (a=b, b=c, a=c)
5- Pigs are ostriches- symmetrical property
6- Pigs are birds- substitution property.
We have proven pigs are birds. Next prove pigs are a national bird.

1- The pig is a bird-see above
2- Eagle is the national bird- Known fact
3- The Eagle is a bird- known fact
4- The Eagle is a pig- transitive property
5- The Pig is an eagle- Symmetric Property
6- The Pig is a national Bird- Transitive Property
So Know we know the pig is the national bird of America. Therefore the Pig is a symbol of America. Therefore Americans are pigs. Congratulations Americans. And yes I passed Geometry.

Next some things to think about.
If a cheeto is made of cheese and cheese can make cheese nips, can a cheeto make cheese nips?
How much ground could groundhog hog if a groundhog could hog ground?
Shouldn't groundhog day be called woodchuck day?
Why is don't we call them groundchucks or woodhogs?
Is the Earth really flat?
Why am I awesome?
What is the fee for awesomeness and attractiveness?
What did the ignoramus hippopotamus say to the bus full of pus?
What did the cucumber say to tomato?
Why should you expect the unexpected if it won't be unexpected if it is expected?
How can a vampire be both hot and cool?
Who is she that sells seashells by the seashore?


Just some thoughts.

Ask a Demon Slayer #1

Here it is. I had so many great questions that it was sad I could choose so few to answer.

Dear Deamon Slayer-
I love you. I love you so much I love you. I cannot think what it is like not to love you. I love you more than Chuck Norris. That is how much I love you.
-Lovestruck

Dear Love Struck-
Get your head out the clouds. I don't even know who you are. So do something useful and join the army. We love our volunteers.

Dear Mythos-
How come you get an e-mail and everything while I am stuck rotting in a hut in the middle of Tibet?
-Crynearg

Dear Crynearg-
Hi. It isn't my fault you drew the Popsicle stick that said- Middle of the Himalayas. It was luck. You are better off than Annawyn- she is stuck in Canada. Man it sucks to be her. Also don't use our true names in public letters. It changed them when I saw what you did but be careful.

Dear Demon-Slayer-
Can I have your autograph?
-A cool dude like you
Dear Fat guy like Titan-Slayer-
Sure. I have autograph sessions at my palace every full moon from 6-9Pm. See you there.

Dear Demon Slayer-
I have a proposition to make. Start using the English mode of Tengwar for all offcial business. It will keep things secret.
-Legolas
Dear Orlando Bloom-
Maybe.

Dear Demon Slayer-
I hate you.
-Froggy
Dear Froggy-
Did you know I eat frog legs for breakfast. They taste good, you should try tsometime.

Dear Demon Slayer-
QWERTYUIOPASDFGHJKLZXCVBNM. HAHHAHA!!!!!!!!
~WRFDS
Dear Idiot-
Quit annoying me. I told you at my last autograph session I do not accept checks for my bribes. A little cash is fine though.

Dear Ugly Butt-
You are under arrest for terrorism. We have troops surrounding your palace as you read this. You will be brought to justice for your atrocities.
-Barack Obama
Dear He-who-houses-terrorist-sticks-
You aren't president yet. Plus I received this letter last week. You need to learn who to keep up with your threats. Plus what Atrocities have I committed? Was it not endorsing you for the election. Man you want to follow in Bushiee Boy's footsteps. See you at the world leaders barbecue next week.

Man, I need a new way for choosing which letters to answer. Pulling them out of a hat doesn't work. Send in your new letters. Due date will be announced later.

Wiki

Should I make a New Sweden wiki? You know it would be awesome. And if I do, what should it be hosted on. Also, due to the amount of negative comments have received I will reveal the answers to the riddles.
Riddle 1- Mythos Wyrm
Riddle 2- You
Riddle 3- Someone who is annoying someone who needs to pee
Riddle 4- Miley Cyrus :Þ. Actually it is ... Bill Clinton!!!!!!!! Or is it Queen Isabella. Maybe it is Genghis Khan. But no it is actually Snow White, or Sleeping Beauty, Or The Wicked Witch, Or Cinderella, or Bella (the dog), but it is actually Cookie Monster.
Riddle 5- A Nuclear Meltdown
Riddle 6- These Riddles
Riddle 7- PalindromeemordnilaP
Riddle 8- France
Riddle 9- Goo Gone
Riddle 10- Janus, the God of Doors.

Titan-Slayer has -1 points. Beat that.

THE-ES MEENS WOR

The Werm Nus has deeclaird wor on Weekeepeedeea.h The-es is beekahze they keep on reeplaysing The Werm Nus for the Number won spot for the sirch "Sweden's Opinion on Terrorism". The-er meens wor. Let us destroy weekeepeedeeah and bring Nu Sweeden to Powair. Now for saum annoying tipin. Dadadadadaddadadadadadadadaddadadadadadadadadadadadadadd
I am the Spammer!!!!!!!!!! Grigorizy Blashnoek. HahAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

Who am I?

Here are some riddles. For each correct answer you post, you gain 1 point to your WyrmNewsGamingAcountOnline. Each one wrong you lose one point. You only gain a point if you are the first one that is right. Lets get started.
Riddle 1
I am he who sleeps so others may rise,
I am he who lives while others die
All the fish of the sky and the birds of the sea
are endebted unto me.
I am all that glitters gold
A fact told known from a sign untold
All the land of this universe
thinks of me as one great curse
The great mountains of old
look down upon me, like i was foot mold
Those who once were pleased,
don't even give me a sneeze
My life would be done
if I could live, less than the sun.
Who I am?

Riddle 2
Fat, stupid, ugly, dumb,
but a worthless bum
My years are gaining
as is my waistline
And Christmas is almost here
The mirror is my enemy
Medusa lost the Ugly Contest to me
Who am I?

Riddle 3
Swoosh, woosh, drip drop
paddle paddle, woof woof
rushing down the water fall,
running down the massive hall
Great thunderstorms in the sky
raining down like a mooson
Waterfall, River, Pond Lake
Stream, Brook, Creek, Canal
Bog, Swamp, Marsh, Puddle
All of life is a muddle
Flush, Woosh, drip drop
What am I?

Riddle 4
Mirror Mirror, on the wall
Whose the fairest of them all?

Riddle 5
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMM!

Riddle 6
What gets worse with everyone you see?

Riddle 7
When "rats live on no evil star"
I am: "too hot to hoot"
What am I?

Riddle 8
They lost to Italy
They lost to Germany
They lost to Mother nature
They lost to Britian
They lost to Algeria
They lost to Everything else
Be man, cat, boat, rat
dog, frog, hog, log
Who are they?

Riddle 9
Egg Nog
it is wonderfulific
or just horrific
What is it?

Riddle 10
I am the Entrance and the exit
the first and the last
the maker of decisions,
the beginning and the end
Then my empire died and I was forgotten.
Who am I?

The horse and the little old lady

There once was a horse. A little old lady saw it. She was 106, 4'2'', weighed 78 lbs, was named Edna, could speak fluent Bulgarian, and had her first heart attack when she was 14. When she saw the horse she exclaimed," Oh my. It is an Equus caballus. I will now rode3 it." So she sat on the horse. By the way, the horse was blue, ate fried chicken, took on dump a day, could do a handstand, and was 36 years old. The horse, who was named fred, suddenly died.
Edna had a heart attack at died the next millisecond.

What did that mean? It meant don't submit a bad story. Also letters to the Demon Slayer are due tommorow.

Post Election analysis

We Wrongly reported Ralph Nader won the American Presidental Election. It was actually Barack Obama. We regret the error.

Now the for the analysis. This was a great win for the commies... I mean Democrats. New Sweden is getting prepared for an influx of immigrants, to the last somewhat conservative outpost in Europe. I guess New Sweden is Conservative. But they could go to Africa or Asia, but they are just a bunch of racist bigots, so they come to good 'ole Nordic Sweden. America will be bankrupted by Barack Obama, and everyone will hate him. His approval rating will be in the low 50s by the end of his term. John McCain will retire and sell some books. George Bush will be a motivational speaker at rehab centers, telling his story of his rise out of alcoholism and cocaine addiction to becoming the president of the Unilateral Stickmen Anonymous. Ralph Nader will run for the 2012 election as an independent. John McCain will not die in the next four years. Barack Obama will choose Osama Bin Laden to be his Secretary of State. His reason will be simply, Our names sound alike. Sure. In 2012 the main parties will send out Sarah Palin and Joe the Plumber (for the fascists) and the commies will present the incumbents. Ralph Nader will win. He will be 78. Germany will declare war on the United States in 2011. Barack Obama will use his terrorist connections to take over Germany and he will install the Fourth Reich. Not Vampyres. Man I wanted Vampyres to install the Fourth Reich. Also I think the Voters of Unilateral Stickmen Anonymous made a bad choice. They made a good one in 2000 when they traded a pot head for a coke head. But they had to ruin it and trade the coke head for a pothead, not a meth head or heroin head. Bad trade. Canada will be invaded by the Unilateral Stickmen Anonymous Army. France will be invaded by default, of course. It always manages to be invaded. France sucks.

This post was sponsored the NMWATFC- Give us your money... AND YOUR BAG PIPES!!!!! It was also sponsored by Orban's Big Gun Co. - A helpful note to Prospective Costumers... Buy up our guns before the Enemy does.

Short story Contest

The Wyrm News Will be having a short story contest. Stories must be shorter than 23,546 pages long and are due by December 1, 2008. Also Due Date for the First sk a Demon Slayer is Friday November 14, 2008. Thanks. And to lighten up your mind abnoput that evil election
Change is Nader in the Office. Vote For Change- The McBama Way
Do You owe your life to Nadar? Probably.

This article was sponserd by the National Mid-Western American Terrorist Farmers Council. We want your money.

And the winner is...

Today is a momentous day in history. Ralph Nader aka Loozerman won the United States Presidential Election. It means he is the oldest person to become president, the one who try ed the hardest and the First Independent. JA!!!! So pack your bags and start partying. JA!!!!!!!!!
JA!!!!!!!!!!!! JA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!JA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! JA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!




This article was sponserd by the National Mid-Western American Terrorist Farmers Council. We want your money.

Pre Election Issue

Well tomorrow is the election day in the Unites States of America, also know as the USA (or Unilateral Stickmen Anonymous). So here is my Pre-election analysis. John McMcain (Johannas McStikk) is leading in Utah. Barack Obama (He who houses terrorist sticks) leads in everything else. Ralph Nader (Loozerman) is running for the 62 time as an independent (random scream in the background). Bob Barr (13013~13@55) is ignored, as is his party the legalize-everythingers. Chuck Baldwin (Hi-yah Charlie) is the constitution party canidate. And the Greens have Cynthia McKinney (Not Ralph). The Vice Presidents are Sarah Palin (Kanyikay) for Johannas McStikk, Joe Biden (not-plumber-joe) for He who houses terrorist sticks, Matt Gonzales (Who is this Guy?), for Loozerman, Wayne Allen Root (Country Time) for 13013~13@55, Darrel Castle (Knight Errant) for Hi-yah Charlie, and Rosa Clemente (Pink Orange) as Not Ralph's veep. None of the other parties matter. Now for my fast paced predictions.

If He-who-houses-terrorist-sticks wins then New Sweden will be over run by racist, über-conservatives looking for a safe place from his evil, liberal views. America will be over run by Non-profits and Wall-e will come true. Israel will be wiped off the face of the Earth.

If Johannas McStikk get elected then he will
A-Nuke Russia, Iran, China, Mexico, Bulgaria, Iraq, Afghanistan, Vietnam, New Sweden, France (Yes), Germany, Japan, Belarus, Australia, Belgium, Canadia, Panama, Georgia, Mongolia, West Virginia, California, Denny's, Massachusetts, Connecticut, Poland, Pakistan, Indonesia, Thailand, United Kingdom, Sweden, Norway, Finland, Iceland, Björk, Your house, Chicago, Iran, Cambodia, Laos, Malaysia, Brunei, Saudi Arabia, Mali, Ghana, Rwanda, South Africa, Syria, Venezuela, Brazil, Argentina, Turkmenistan, Tajikistan, Chile, Bolivia, Columbia, Kazakhstan, Portugal, Kyrgyzstan, Uzbekistan, Iran, Oman, Yemen, Qatar, Kuwait, Alaska, Jordan, Egypt, Algeria, Russia, Azerbaijan, New Sweden, Jamaica, Cuba, Bermuda, Estonia, Latvia, Lithuania, Luxembourg, Switzerland, Hatti, Slovenia, Slovakia, Czech Republic, Romania, Moldova, Serbia, Kosovo, Montenegro, Bosnia and Hertsogovia, Croatia, Italy, Iran, Libya, Sudan, Botswana, New Zealand, Namibia, Mozambique, Angola, Ukraine, San Salvador, El Salvador, Nicaragua, (I move my hand away from the keyboard to reload the missile silos), Iran, Zambia, Democratic Republic of Congo, Republic of Congo, Peru, Ecuador, Antarctica, Madagascar, Equilateral Guinea, Papa New Guinea, East Timor, Japan, Burma, Singapore, Monaco, Malta, Ireland, Denmark, The Netherlands, Tanzania, Kenya, Fiji, Morocco, Vatican City, Chad, Iran, Ethiopia, Eritrea, Somalia, Bahrain, Armenia, Hungry, Liechtenstein, San Marino, Andorra, Maldives, India, Samoa, Tonga, Togo, Central African Republic, Burkina Faso, Turkey, Niger, Nigeria, Mauritania, Guinea, Swaziland, Lesotho, (I look up more countries) Senegal, Western Sahara, Burundi, Iran, Djibouti, Comoros, Malawi, Russia, Mauritius, Uganda, Zimbabwe, Seychelles, Cameroon, Gabon, Côte d'Ivoire, Tunisia, Namibia, Cape Verde, Guinea-Bissau, Pakistan, Sierra Leone, Liberia, Solomon Islands, Vanuatu, Middle Earth, Federated States of Micronesia, Kiribati, Nauru, Pulau, Tuvula, Iran, and any place I forgot to mention, but Israel and the United States of America.
Plan B- He-who-houses-terrorist-sticks becomes a sucide bomber and blows up Johannas McStikk. Then President Kanyikay will create a world government, make an allience with aliens and safely ship everyone of Earth before 12/21/2012.
Plan C- All liberals move to Canadia and get nuked. HAHAHAHA

If Loozerman becomes President a paradox will happen and the World will end 13 weeks 22 hours and 15 minutes early.

If 13013~13@55 becomes president then some idiot will move to New Sweden, sell me the keys to the US Armoury and me and 13013~13@55 will become friends. He will make sure the government won't intervene when America is invaded by Canadia, New Sweden, Russia, Mexico, and France at the Same time.

If Hi-yah-Charlie becomes president then America will be sucked into a black hole and the void will be filled by Mexico.

If Not Nader becomes president then Loozerman will suddenly suck out the life force of Not-Nader and morph into Dynamite Boy, the Crash Test dummy. It will be cool.

New Sweden endorses 13013~13@55 but prefers that you don't vote at all. Voting is bad you know.

This Post was sponsored by: People for Partisanship in Families and the National Mid-Western American Terrorist Farmers Council. Thank You and have a nice day.

And now a message from our Sponsors

We have our first sponsors!!!!! They are the People for Partisanship in American Families (PPAF) and the National Mid-Western American Terrorist Farmers Council (NMWATFC). The PPAF will be sponsoring The Wyrm News For this post and the next post, while the NMWATFC is sponsoring the next 5 posts, including this one. Since we have nothing else planned, lets have some words from our sponsors.

We as the People for Partisanship in Families, believe it is important for people to hate each other just because they have different political views. That means that we think that you should teach your kids to be partisan today. Nothing makes us feel Happier than seeing little kids fight each other because their parents are voting for different presidential candidates. We believe that Partisanship, like racism and sexism, should start in the home. We also believe it is important to tell your kids to vote for people according to their party, not because of their stance on issues. We ask you to exercise your privilege to vote and vote for the candidate of the party you like more. You simply are Un-American if you vote for the issues. We think that everyone must be registered in a party and only vote for that party. We think that independent should be "rewarded" for their non-conformism with happiness for the rest of their life. So vote for the person your registered in your party on Tuesday. And Remember folks, it is good to bomb the houses of those who vote against your party, destroy and replace yard signs that are against your party, and getting drunk right before you vote. That's all we have to say.

The NMWATFC thinks that people should pay more attention to farmers. Farmers produce food you know But in recent times people have scorned the Farming life for the city. The city is a horrible polluted place where crime is abundant. But people still like that thing. They continue to mock farmers. They get thier high wages as doctors and lawyers and teachers, and then ignore us as we die toiling for them to get fat. So we had it. We want the government to give us more money and attention, Or we WILL BLOW UP THE CITY! KABOOOOOOOOOM! YEs we will blow it UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Give us your support or we will kill you. Down with the rich and up with the farmers. Down with industry. UP with Food. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!

My Vacation

I went to Hawaii. it was fun... Until the police came. So I hopped onto my plane and flew to Kansas. Kansas was not fun. The only reason I went to Kansas Was because I was speaking at the 27th National Mid-Western American Terrorist Farmers Council (NMWATFC). It was boring. The NMWATFC people thought I actually farmed. Just because I lived on a farm back before the demons came doesn't mean I know how to farm. It has been about 5280 Years since I did any major farming. A lot advances have been made in agriculture since than. The only good thing about it was I won a tractor with machine guns in a door prize. Than I got on my plane. Made a few stops to various cities, got my spies ready for Halloween, refueled and went home. Than I slept. Over all my vacation was okay. Now for some pictures.That was one creapy rabbit. So I took a picture of it.Never thought I could surf that well. Man that wave was small.Escape to the KansasYou know a place sucks when the women have mustaches and beards like that. This is the President of the NMWATFCI won this!!!!!! Isn't it awesome.

Epic 50th: 1/11/08

Today is my epic 50Th post. But will it be epic. We will just have to see. First up:

The letter of the day is Þ. the Þ is used in Icelandic. It is very cool. With it you can spell Þórr. What does that mean. you will have to find out.

The wise Guy is on Vacation. From the Himalayas he says "ஹாய் ய் போல்க்ஸ். இ லைக் த. "

Features:
I sent some spies to various parts of America Yesterday. Some of my spies in Cleveland uncovered the fact that Mayor Beryl E Rothschild has been trying to atone for the trouble that she caused last year. That trouble would be the fact that she stole candy from little kids, created a major supreme court case, caused a civil war, and then a war with Canada. Man she was one busy old lady. But the point is this Halloween my spy's reported that she was handing out candy. Clearly she is trying to get rid of that year old candy she stole last year. Congratulations to her.

Feature 2:
Today we will be starting a new semi common feature: Ask a Demon Slayer. It is an advice Column were readers send me their questions and i answer them. Just post your questions on this post or any Ask a Demon Slayer posts. Or E-mail them to me at my e-mail. you need to ask me for it first.

Feature 3: Disclaimer: This is a rant. If you don't like rants suck it up and take it like a man.

Canada should be spelled Canadia and be pronounced Can-Ay-Dee-Ah, not Can-Ah-Duh. Duh as in it is so stupid it is obvious. Canada should be changed to Canadia because there is a language called Kannada. There are 35 million native speakers of Kannada and only 33 m,illion Canadians. So Kannada gets the name. Also shouldn't inhabitants of Canada be called Canadans (Can-ah-Dins) as in they are a can of dins(n should be replaced with m), because Canada is a can of dim (inhabitants). So start petitioning the Canadian Government to change thier countries name to Canadia. It is better for the World.

Feature 4-
The map does lie sometimes. I tricked it so that it can't find me, New Sweden or any of my computers and other things like that. But It is useful. Like I learned that A man in Kurdistan read my post on Terrorism. I am not sure if that is good or bad. Also I learned if you google: Sweden's opinion on terrorism- The Wyrm News is Number 1. Yes!!

Main Feature: The Epic History of The Wyrm News, New Sweden and All that Matter: Part 1/36+- The Wyrm News Year 1.

The Wyrm News began on November First of 2007. It was started when I, the Benevolent Ruler of New Sweden, Head of the Demon-Slayers, Knight of the Golden Emperor, The Chicken Master of Old Beetrack, Assassin of Arch-Duke Ferdinand, the chief advisor to Alexander the Great, The real killer of Marcus Junius Brutus, Founder of Orban's Great Big Gun Co (c.1449), Great Keeper of the lost records of Pre-Romance Mongolia, etc etc etc. I decided that after ruling New Sweden for about 18 months, that the people needed a state run Newspaper. So I created one. It grew to have music, Pictures, scrolling messages, comments, polls, quotes, maps, more polls, more music, another comment, election reporting, links, flags, geckos, crime reporting, story arcs and more. Our most important story was on the King of Candy. But what should the Wyrm News do for the future. This was The Epic History of The Wyrm News, New Sweden and All that Matter: Part 1/36+- The Wyrm News Year 1. Yes wasn't it epic.

Well look forward to the New Wyrm News Stories. We hope to reach 150 post by this time next year. We want lots of comments, plenty of polls, Ask a Demon Slayer letters, and money. So help us. And apply for an interview sesion. Plus Mythos Wyrm Autographs are only $57.36 so buy one to day.

Vacation

This will be my last post for a while. i am going on Vacation to the Pearly sands of Hawaii. Yes it is in America but they won't catch me. Also I caught a Canadian Spy in the New Swedish Countryside. They must not have known that meese (plural of moose) donn't wear Canadian flags. But they might never learn. Also should I invade France? It wouldn't be that good of practise for my army but still would increase my territory.

The Dutch, The Icelanders and Nuclear Proliferation: A rant in Verse

Read the Title. DON"T INSULT MY POETRY

Dutch
The Dutch are wierd
The Dutch are Hating America, with a beard(ed passion)
Yet Half of them want to live here
Now that is just so stranger

An Ode to Iceland

It is Greener than Greenland,
Colder than France
Has more geothermal power than Bulgaria
But its Economy is plumitin' Like Molgara
It bought up all the its banks
Its is secretly buying battle tanks
For when it turns to raiding
Like it did in the Good ole Days

Nuclear Proliferation (to be chanted with the leader Yelling lines A and the followers yeling lines B)

(A) Who's Afriad of Nukes
(B)Russia is.
(A)Who has a lot of Nukes
(B)Russia does.
(A)Who should be afraid of places like North Korea and Iran.
(B)The USAh
(AB)Not Russia

You know that was good poetry. Note USAH is pronounced Yoo-Ess-Ay-AH

The Evils of New Sweden, Part 1

This is a list of things counted as evil in New Sweden.

Þ Penguins- They think that they are superior to other birds. Why else would they were tuxedos. Therefore they are elitist, and In New Sweden there is no elitism. For being evil, nothing about penguins may be published that includes movies and books, along with magazine articles and music, among other things. You may not dress up as a penguin or be anything like a penguin.

Þ Chocolate- Chocolate is adored by many. But it is from the Americas. And our Sworn Enemies, The United States and Canada, are on the American Continent. Therefore chocolate is our enemy. Punishment- For being Evil, Only chocolate that has clear proof that it was made from only African cacao beans maybe brought in or consumed in New Sweden

Þ Webkinz- Webkinz are stuffed animals. But they are bought so that you can play things online. Therefore Webkinz, rather than improving people's imagination, they decrease their imagination until the person's brain rots. Punishment- The Website is not allowed because it ruins minds. Anybody found on the Webkinz Website will be promptly reeducated.

Þ Burger King, Wendy's, Other Fast food restaurants (except for McDonald's)- These restaurants thinks they are better than McDonald's. McDonald's is the National Restaurant of New Sweden. That means that any competition will be harmful to McDonald's. PUNISHMENT- No McDonald's Competition may set up a shop in New Sweden. Nor may anybody bring an object from one of those restaurants into New Sweden.

Þ Parodies- Parodies can be funny. But they also can hurt peoples feelings. Therefore they are not nice and are evil. Punishment- Nobody may parody or be parodied. If you parody the government it will be even worse.

PArt two comes later.

IQ Test

I took a stupid online IQ test today. It gave me an extremeely low score of 153. I know my IQ is much higher than that. It is probeley in the 1500s, to be modest.
Free-IQTest.net - Free IQ Test

Classified

Should the Wyrm News have advertisements. Or sell tee-shirts and coffee mugs. Give me your fundraisng thoughts. I really need to know since the Wyrm News has been running out of funds, even with our massive oil tanker capture. None of that money went to the Wyrm News's budget, just to the common people. o please send me your ideas your donate money to the Wyrm news. And you can buy advertising space in one of the ads that I wil now place in the article. Sometimes they will be scrolling, other times images, you never know.



This post was sponsored by the Jim and Joe Foundation. Celebrating 19 years of excellence. And by Squirrels R US. Need a leash for you Squirrel? We got it.

Oil

Last week our economy soared with a raid on a Norwegian Oil tanker. With the profits made from the oil, people got bonuses and I bought a new couch for my palace. But that is not the piont. The point is Why don't people protect their valubles better. Our Small task force took out the driversw and guards so easily it wasn't funny (to them at least). You would think that whith all this oil these rich companies would spend a little more money to protect their goods from poor people who need money to feed their familes. But it is thier fault they let people take their stuff. I like my new couch it is comfortable.

Poll results

These are the results for my latest poll:

Question: Why does almost nobody comment on my blog?

Answers: Because nobody reads it- 0 (0%)
Because non of your readers have a blogger account. 0 (0%)
Because they are too lazy to comment. 1/20 (5%)
Because your blog sucks. 1/20 (5%)
This spot can only be chosen if you are the Mythos Wyrm since he seems to be the only one who votes in these polls. 18/20 (90%)



Analysis: i am the only person who votes on my polls. Except for two random people. Also 5% of the World population (336,250,000 people out of 6,725,000,000)think my blog sucks 5% of the population (336,250 people out of 6,725,000,000) thought my readers are too lazy to comment and 90% of the worlds population (6,052,500,000 out of 6,725,000,000) are ruled by my and do my every bidding. COOL!

I am Bored.

Okay I am bored. I could do something but Don't Feel like it so I am posting for the second time in like ten minutes. Please give me something useful to do. I guess those pins on my map could be cleaned...

People

Why do people dislike New Sweden? I am just Wondering. Please post your answer. I need comments. Please. Also the countdown to the big 50 is here. About 7 posts to go.

HTML codes

I m trying to learn HTML
I am Awesome, and you are not so get a life and go bring me America's Economy, on a silver platter, NOW!!!!

---

Haha it is the thin red line.

Russian Flag

I have to put this link in my blog if I want to use a picture of a Russian flag in my blog.
Russian flag courtesy of 4 International Flags

Ensemble Studios

Ensemble Studios, the maker of the Age of Empires series is being shut down by Microsoft for Financial Reasons. Now Why would you shut down a company that sold more than 20 million great games in around ten years and is an overall success for financial reasons. No I think this is a conspiracy formed Steve Jobs in order to get people to hate Microsoft and leave it to go to Apple. Die Microsoft. You are a killer. And as Robert Oppenheimer, "Now I am become Death, the Destroyer of Worlds." Yes Microsoft has become death, that is Death to all those who love RTS games. And it has Become the Destroyer of Worlds, the world of good historical RTS games. DIE MICROSOFT!!!! DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Miscellaneous things on my mind

Read the title. The first thing on my mind is why does the United States have anti-monopoly laws to break apart companies, but lets two political parties crush any free-thinkers and create a virtual monopoly over the government. Second why doesn't America have A co-presidency. If they are going to keep two political parties' having all the power then shouldn't each party elect 1 member of their party to represent them in the Oval office. They could spend taxpayer's dollars to create a Purple house for one of the co-presidents to live in. And one final thing. Way doesn't America just submit to the awesome power of NEW SWEDEN!!!!!!

Vlandstar

We need people to read the Vlandstar epic. And comment on it. So far all the comments were made either by the authors or a few anonymous readers. We need YOUR ideas. you can find it here at www.vlandstar.blogspot.com. Yes www.vlandstar.blogspot.com

Its Geckno Rock Time!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yesterday the first Geckno Rock band, known as the Tokanators, performed at a charity concert. Geckno rock you is a revolutionary form of rock that is all about geckos and lizards in general. It was started in New Sweden last week at the suggestion of his majesty Mythos Wyrm. The members of the Tokanators are Sven Sky, Phillip, McMuffin, and Zlander the Not-so Great. An example of one of their songs would be like this. (sung to the tune of Barney is a dinosaur)

Flies
Yummy, Juicy, wanna kill
Good to eat and good for you
Lick 'em once and try again
Making some food

They can be your friend too
if you give them some poo
not once but twice
Gotta have some flies

(weird electric bass solo for 3 minutes with band members screaming nonsence word s at the top of thier lungs)

Flies YAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now that you understand Geckno Rock it is time to meet the band members.

Sven plays the bass
Phillip is the lead singer
McMuffin is on the Electric drums
Zlander is on the synthenizer

Vladstokengrad has announced its newest armored car, the Vladstokengrad Viper. Able to attain speeds of up to 125 miles an hour, hold up to 25,000 kilos, drive through water and sustain multiple HE blasts. And all in a cool sports car look. Buy it today. (storage tank for holding money/weapons not included). Also for an added price it comes in hybrid technology for all you freaks that think the environment is cool. Go Yellowstone!!!!!!! Full article here.

A National Epic

Soon the New Swedish National Epic will be started. It will be written by Wyrm news reporters who have completed the challenge. And the plot will be written as the writers write it. you might never know what will happen Next. Find it at http://vlandstar.blogspot.com/.

A New Reporter

Today we gained a new reporter, the Humorist, Barley understandable, sometimes stupid Spanish translator, Ace of Spades. We didn't actually hire him, he just joined us without my knowledge. Still this marks a momentous time for the Wyrm News. Good Day To all.

The Final Golden Age is Coming!

Yes coming to a police station near you is the long waited game The Final Golden Age. Designed by the acclaimed game makers Spok,Speek&Spork. It is an action-adventure-rgp type game with post-apocalyptic ideas. Buy it at any participating New Swedish McDonald's today. Note this is a PC game only at the current time.

Unc'e Mythos wants you to join the Glorious Youth Assosciation

Yup th't is r'ght. Unc'e Mythos wan's al' hum'ns in th' a'e r'nge of t'n t'rou'h e'gh'e'n to si'n up for the GLORIOUS YOUTH ASSOCIATION OF NEW SWEDEN TM. In it yo' wi'l ha'e f'n. Do I ne'd to menti'n it is mandatory to join. Go sign up at your local police station today.

Or the cat sniper will get you!!!!!!

General Forum #1

This will be the first general forum of the Wyrm News. In it people will discuss their views on a topic. The topic for this forum is: The Large Hadron Collider: Good or Bad? Remember to tell why you chose the side you chose and argue with people who chose a different side. Enjoy. For information on the LHC click on this link http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Large_Hadron_Collider. Or you can just google it.

Fiji named country of Importance

Today Fiji is named an ally and friend of New Sweden for helping rescue its Emperor Mythos Wyrm. As a reward we will help it when it is in need and it will receive Melanesia when New Sweden takes over the world. Thank you Fiji.

Canada Invades the United States

The Canadians decided to invade Cleveland after getting tired of its civil war, which we got tired of too after the first battle. More information when we find more.

New Sweden on... War, POWs, POW Rights, and Terrorism

Welcome to the first edition of New Sweden on... Today we will discus New Sweden's opinion on various aspects of war. First we will begin with our opinion of Prisoners of War.
The Encyclopedia New Sweden (which is slowly being added to the internet) defines a Prisoner of War (POW) as a member of a national or otherwise official military organization captured in uniform by an opposing forces. This means that if a scout, infantry member, pilot, sailor or other uniformed member of a military if caught must be treated as a prisoner of war but a spy or even one of the aforementioned units with out their uniform on may not be treated as a POW. Also the organization they are a member of must be officially recognized by us as New Sweden or by the United Nations. This means that rebels, freedom fighters, terrorist, PETA members, Political Cartoonists, and more need not be treated as a POW if captured.
Now onto POW rights. According to New Swedish law a prisoner of war may not be tortured above the Peaceful level of New Swedish Torture Scale (see encyclopedia New Sweden). They also must be fed well, properly cared for, and have bargaining talks with their home country. Of course if a certain POW is unruly, ungrateful, hard to control, is spying and/or breaks other rules a certain amount of times they can be labeled as unstable and be treated differently. Unstable and non-POWs can be tortured to a level Hard and might only be given 1 meal a day, bad living quarters, little medical care, no talks with their countries, being forced to be in a work camp and more. The difference between unstable POWs and non-POWs is unstable POW can be redeemed and become a normal POW.
Finally I will talk about terrorism. The Encyclopedia New Sweden defines terrorism as an act of violence or terror for political or idealogical reasons. Terrorists in New Sweden, if captured are not treated as POWs. See the Encyclopedia New Sweden for more details.

The Wyrm News: Comic Relief Edition

We have decided that we have been too serious. That is why today we will have an issue just to lighten up our day. First up is some sample headlines:

• Massive Army Attacks New Swedish base and captures Grand Emperor to take him away to be tortured by corrupt officials attempting to take over the world through use of the evil weapon known as the United Nations. (oh wait. That happened.)
• Bhutanese Scientist creates and army of Chuck Norris clones and attempts to overthrow the King of Nepal but is stopped when his nuclear reactor had a meltdown.
• Barney the Dinosaur was murdered in a gang-fight on the streets of Beverley Hills.
• Aliens invade New York city, rename it New Puttsburg and start a pizza chain.
• Cat marries dog, then is shot on honeymoon by a robotic assassin following the religion of Froggerism, who was hired by Mr Barney, who was killed in a fight only hours later. (Barney that is).

Now time for a picture

And now some qoutes: Note we don't agree with all of them but they are still funny:Þ (thanks amusingqoutes.com)

• We’ve all met people who are supposedly incredibly intelligent but don’t know which way to sit on a lavatory. -- Stephen Fry
• Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most. -- Mark Twain
• Guests, like fish, begin to smell after three days. -- Benjamin Franklin
• Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, and half-shut afterwards. -- Benjamin Franklin
• A man explained inflation to his wife thus:'When we married, you measured 36-24-36. Now you're 42-42-42. There's more of you, but you are not worth as much.' -- Lord Barnett
• As a child, a library card takes you to exotic, faraway places. When you're grown up, a credit card does it. -- Sam Ewing (Readers Digest, Dec, 1997)
• Money isn't everything but it sure keeps you in touch with your children. -- J. Paul Getty
• Government is like a baby. An alimentary canal with a big appetite at one end and no sense of responsibility at the other. -- Ronald Reagan
• Bush gave an interview and he said people will vote for him because 'They've seen me weep, they’ve seen me laugh, and they’ve seen me hug.' These are the same qualifications for a Tickle Me Elmo. -- Bill Maher
• Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys. -- P. J. ORourke
• The taxpayers are sending congressmen on expensive trips abroad. It might be worth it except they keep coming back! -- Will Rogers
• One of my movies was called "True Lies." It's what the Democrats should have called their convention. -- Arnold Schwarzenegger
• Today, the L.A. Times accused Arnold Schwarzenegger of groping six women. I'm telling you, this guy is presidential material. -- Dave Letterman
• [On his running for California Governor]It's the most important decision I've had to make since 1978 when I decided to get a bikini wax. -- Arnold Schwarzenegger
• My choice early in life was either to be a piano-player in a whorehouse or a politician. And to tell the truth, there's hardly any difference. -- Harry S. Truman (circa 1962)
• Politics is perhaps the only profession for which no preparation is thought necessary. -- Robert Louis Stevenson
• A good politician is quite as unthinkable as an honest burglar. -- H. L. Mencken
• You can lead a man to Congress, but you can't make him think. -- Milton Berle
• The two most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity. But not in that order. -- Brian Pickrell
• There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life. -- Frank Zappa
• The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits -- Albert Einstein
• Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former. -- Albert Einstein
• How many legs does a dog have if you call the tail a leg? Four. Calling a tail a leg doesn't make it a leg. -- Abraham Lincoln
• History is the version of past events that people have decided to agree upon. -- Napoleon Bonaparte
• Every fight is a food fight when you’re a cannibal. -- Demetri Martin
• Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry. -- Bill Cosby
• Everyone should have kids. They are the greatest joy in the world. But they are also terrorists. You'll realize this as soon as they are born, and they start using sleep deprivation to break you. -- Ray Romano
• Children really brighten up a household - they never turn the lights off. -- Ralph Bus
• The trouble with children is that they're not returnable. -- Quentin Crisp
• Employee of the month is a good example of how somebody can be both a winner and a loser at the same time. -- Demetri Martin
• It's just a job. Grass grows, birds fly, waves pound the sand. I beat people up. -- Muhammad Ali
• In olden times, sacrifices were made at the altar, a practice that still continues. -- Helen Rowland
• You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn't want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named 'Bush', 'Dick', and 'Colon'. -- Chris Rock
• A recent survey stated that the average person's greatest fear is having to give a speech in public. Somehow this ranked even higher than death which was third on the list. So, you're telling me that at a funeral, most people would rather be the guy in the coffin than have to stand up and give a eulogy. -- Jerry Seinfield
• People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid. -- Soren Aabye Kierkegaard

So hope you laughed smirked or at least thought something was funny. You id right.

Massive Cobra eats 273 people before being shot in the Head by a 4 month old Superhero Shotgun Master!!!!!!!!!!!!

Just Kidding. :Þ

The Grand Watermelon Toss!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Here Ye all citizens of the Glorious Country of New Sweden. On June 19, there will be a festival held at the base of Mount Wyrm, starting at 9:00 AM. There will be food, games and contests with prizes. To be in a contest you must enter in it before June 16. The contests will be: The Watermelon Chuck, for who can throw a watermelon the farthest; the watermelon throw, for most accurate watermelon thrower; the the watermelon fling, in which teams will assemble siege weapons and awards are given for the farthest and the most accurate; the Bush Punch-Out, where people are competing to be the first person the destroy a statue of George W Bush; and many, many more. Sign up today at your local movie theater, police station, or post office.

Photo Gallery of my ordeal

Two wonderful artists took it upon themselves to record my ordeal in Art. Here are the works of art.

The American Forces: by- Flame

The Swedes: By Flame and Flare

The Torture Chamber: by- Flare

The escape: By-Flame and Flare

An overview of My adventure

Finally I am back from that horrible prison cell. It has been only two days since I arrived back at palace. It all began on February 23 when a group of 32 helicopters was seen on the distance. Behind them was a fleet of aircraft carriers, battleship, Patrol Boat and more. There must of been hundreds of ships. I readied my army and soon the forces landed. There was an impressive battle but the American forces prevailed, not because of skill but because of numbers. They took me away to the United Nations Military Compound and Torture Facilities. There they tortured me five hours a day and seven days a week, trying to get me to admit that New Sweden was making nuclear weapons. I never gave in because New Sweden wasn't making nuclear weapons, so I wouldn't be lying. I stayed there until eight days ago when some Fijians felt sorry for me and helped me escape to Fiji where i got a plane ticket to Helsinki. Then I hiked to Jakobstad, Finland where some of my army arrived to help me ecape to New Sweden where I restored my rule. I will get revenge.

Operation: Nhämnd

Today was a momentous day in history. In retaliation to the United States attack on Mount Wyrm we sent a "diplomatic' force to the American Embassy in Stockholm to show that they cannot attack without major consequences. Our specially trained Berserker army did well. The embassy is now in lock down. Basically we sent an army to the Embassy. Once they reached it they attacked it. Nobody was hurt but next time there might be more blood. Americans beware. Don't let your government do something stupid like this again. Ever again. Or there will be blood.

Kosovo: Why We Support It

As you might have heard Kosovo has declared it's independence from Serbia. This has created mixed reactions throughout the world, with countries having to decide whether or not to support Kosovo. Here in New Sweden we support Kosovo. We believe that It deserves to have freedom from a country that has, for the most part, different religions, ethnic groups culture and more. We also do not care what Russia think about all of this. The only Russians we have respect for are various ethnic groups, some dead Russians, and the inhabitants of Vladstokengrad. We don't care if Russia nukes us because both it and UN recognize us as part of Sweden. Finally places that want to be countries but aren't have a bond together, just like us an Vladstokengrad or Western Borkastinia. Thats is why we support Kosovo, even when it means agreeing with the Americans.

The United States Attacks

Today the Untied States of America, attacked the Läger av Eld in New Sweden. They came in three helicopters, each filled with 18 troops, a pilot, and a co-pilot. One helicopter successfully landed it's troops through use of a ladder. Then it got shot down by an AA gun while the other two were latched onto with grappling hooks, while attempting to flee. The American troops on the ground fought bravely but were all easily killed by the Elit Bevakning. Then the Elit Bevakning climbed up the half-foot diameter steel fiber ropes that connected the grappling cannons mounted onto the ground to the helicopters. Once they reached the helicopters the Elit Bevakning attempted the capture the helicopters. One helicopter was successfully captured after all the Americans were killed. The other had to be evacuated and blown up. All the American bodies were sent to the United States Embassy in Stockholm. The casualties were -1 helicopters for the New Swedes and 60 men for the Americans (plus three lost helicopters).


The Elit Bevakning is also known as the Elite Guard. You can learn more about them When the ENCYCLOPEDIA New Sweden comes out.

The Basher of Western Borkastinia

Today a statistic hit the unofficial country of Western Borkastinia. 516 people were killed by a mysterious killer. It was a peaceful day at a market in the capital city, Termiz. Then suddenly a M1 Abrams tank came crashing through the market, running over goats, chickens, people, monkeys, stands etc. From this alone 456 people died. Which is surprising considering that the streets were packed like sardine tins with people, stands, and animals. You know it looked like the stereotypical Middle Eastern Bazaar. When the tank finaly came to a screeching halt a man jumped out and started to bash people in the head with a baseball bat. One hit hit and their brain would be crushed and they would die. After he killed 20 people like this a helicopter flew overhead. It lowered a rope to about 30 feet above the ground. The man jumped up, caught the rope and climbed to the oped side door of the helicopter. He then shot a rocket down, which killed 40 people. The door closed and the helicopter flew away. Eyewitnesses say he looked like this. =====================================================>
West Borkastinia is a primarily Sunni country located in northern Afghanistan, and southern Turkmenistan, Uzbekistan, and Tajikistan. It is called Western Borkastinia because it's founders claim that parts of Pakistan and China are also part of Borkastinia, but they have only freed the western part.

Vulcan Of Sweden

We have done it. Located on the New Swedish coast is the largest artificial volcano. Thousands of tonnes of steel, rock, cement, and more have created an 8,000 foot high volcano with lava in its crater. Climb to the top and go to the visitors center up there before March 31, 2008 to recive a free t-shirt that says "I climbed Mount Wyrm" and a free plate of Swedish meatballs. Remember this is only a tourist attraction, not a government facility cover up. Visit us today.

-The New Swedish Board for tourism and Entertainment

वे हवे दोने आईटी. लोकातेद ओं थे न्यू स्वेदिश कास्ट इस थे लार्गेस्ट अर्तिफिसिअल वोल्कानो. थौसंड्स ऑफ़ तोंनेस ऑफ़ स्टील, रॉक, समेंट, एंड मोरे हवे क्रेअतेद अन ८,००० फ़ुट हिघ वोल्कानो विथ लावा इन इट्स क्रेटर. क्लिम्ब to the टॉप एंड गो to the विसितोर्स सेंटर उप तेरे बेफोरे मार्च ३१, २००८ to रेसिवे a फ्री टी-शर्ट ठाट सय्स "इ क्लिम्बेद माउंट व्य्र्म" एंड a फ्री प्लेट ऑफ़ स्वेदिश मेअत्बल्ल्स. रेमेम्बेर थिस इस नोट a रियल टूरिस्ट अत्त्रक्शन, बुत a गवर्नमेंट फसिलिटी कवर उप. विसित उस टुडे.

-थे न्यू स्वेदिश बोर्ड फॉर तौरिस्म एंड एन्तेर्तैन्मेंट

Qoute Day

Today is a day to celebrate famous figure's qoutes. Here are some good ones. They are listed by person.

Joseph Stalin

• A sincere diplomat is like dry water or wooden iron.
• A single death is a tragedy, are million deaths is a statistic.
• Death is the solution to all problems. No man - no problem.
• Everyone imposes his own system as far as his army can reach.
• Gratitude is a sickness suffered by dogs.
• History shows that there are no invincible armies.
• I trust no one, not even myself.
• Ideas are far more powerful than guns. We don't allow our enemies to have guns, why should we allow them to have ideas?
• If the opposition disarms, well and good. If it refuses to disarm, we shall disarm it ourselves.
• It is enough that the people know there was an election. The people who cast the votes decide nothing. The people who count the votes decide everything.
• The only real power comes out of a long rifle
• You cannot make a revolution with silk gloves.

Friedrich Nietzsche

• A pair of powerful spectacles has sometimes sufficed to cure a person in love.
• Ah, women. They make the highs higher and the lows more frequent.
• All truth is simple... is that not doubly a lie?
• An artist has no home in Europe except in Paris.
• And we should consider every day lost on which we have not danced at least once. And we should call every truth false which was not accompanied by at least one laugh.
• Anyone who has declared someone else to be an idiot, a bad apple, is annoyed when it turns out in the end that he isn't.
• Behind all their personal vanity, women themselves always have an impersonal contempt for woman.
• Blessed are the forgetful: for they get the better even of their blunders.
• Egoism is the very essence of a noble soul
• 'Evil men have no songs.' How is it that the Russians have songs?
• Madness is rare in individuals - but in groups, parties, nations, and ages it is the rule.
• Whoever battles with monsters had better see that it does not turn him into a monster. And if you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.
• Man is the cruelest animal.
• Plato is boring.

Theodore Roosevelt

• A man who has never gone to school may steal from a freight car; but if he has a university education, he may steal the whole railroad.
• A man who is good enough to shed his blood for the country is good enough to be given a square deal afterwards.
• A vote is like a rifle; its usefulness depends upon the character of the user.
• Don't hit at all if it is honorably possible to avoid hitting; but never hit soft.
• Every immigrant who comes here should be required within five years to learn English or leave the country.
• Germany has reduced savagery to a science, and this great war for the victorious peace of justice must go on until the German cancer is cut clean out of the world body.
• If you could kick the person in the pants responsible for most of your trouble, you wouldn't sit for a month.
• Obedience of the law is demanded; not asked as a favor.
• Speak softly and carry a big stick; you will go far.
• The government is us; we are the government, you and I.
• The man who loves other countries as much as his own stands on a level with the man who loves other women as much as he loves his own wife.
• We can have no "50-50" allegiance in this country
• When they call the roll in the Senate, the Senators do not know whether to answer "Present" or "Not guilty."

Wanted: The Kupkake Killer

Yesterday at 1:00 PM Brazilian Standard Time, during a speech given by the Grand Dude of Kupkake, a crazed man ran into the auditorium with an assault rifle and shot 17 people, set off a bomb and did the chicken dance before escaping. 12 of the 17 people shot were killed and the other five that were shot are in critical status. Of the other casualties 14 died from the bomb blast and another 23 are injured and 1 person died from the complete inability of the killer being able to do the chicken dance. Translation 1 person died because the killer couldn't dance. Total casulties 27 dead, 28 injured. The killer is still at large. If you see a man that looks like this ---------------------------->
please report him to the department of Kupkakian Defence.


Kupkake is a country populated mainly by hippies. Its capital city is Kookie, a large city on the Atlantic ocean. The country is located near Rio de Janeirio. More information when I have time.

The Rights of a Minor

A few days ago an anonymous American teenager wrote to us explaining how New Sweden was a Minor's dream, a place where children where children have equal rights. He told of how in America, parents do not have to disclose important information about their (the parents) past lives, the food they are forced to eat, why the governments is so corrupt ect. He gave praise to New Sweden for laws like the compulsory information act, which forces parents to answer any questions asked by their children, or be sent to court and the fact that you can vote once you turn 13. It was a letter full a praise and we understood his hardship. We wish we could help him but we don't have the ability to because the parents have more rights then the minors, unlike in New Sweden. Still we wish him thanks for his letter.

न्यू स्वीडन सुप्पोर्ट्स थे सेव थे बिल्बिएस फंड। प्लेअस्से दोनाते टुडे.

1/13/08

थिस इस कूल यू क्नो। आईटी रेअल्ली इस। यू शौल्ड तरी आईटी सोमेतिमे। मुफ्फ्फिन न्यूज़ दोएसं'टी क्नो हाउ तो दो थिस। हा हा हा।

NEWS

This is weird. Okay its back to normal sorry. Now for the news. Today at 9:36 am the Purple Commandos (as they're called) protested at an animal shelter run by PETA. They put up signs saying things like "PETA PROMOTES GLOBAL WARMING" or "BE DRUNK, BE PETA". Nobody was hurt but PETA swears revenge for one of their test tube monkeys was released into the Wild. I know this is boring news but nothing has really happened. Maybe some other time.

Signing out.