Let us be Klipspringers

An ode to Klipspringers:

Paching, dading.

Watch the mighty Klipspringer Spring

Rock to Rock,

Spock to Spock,
He is not good to mock.

Pigs Can Fly!!!!! And Other Bits'o'Logic

Lets prove that Pigs are birds.
Given: Ostriches are Birds
Prove: Pigs are birds

1- Ostriches are birds- Given
2- Ostriches can't fly - Known Fact
3- Pigs can't fly- known fact
4- Ostriches are pigs- Transitive Property (a=b, b=c, a=c)
5- Pigs are ostriches- symmetrical property
6- Pigs are birds- substitution property.
We have proven pigs are birds. Next prove pigs are a national bird.

1- The pig is a bird-see above
2- Eagle is the national bird- Known fact
3- The Eagle is a bird- known fact
4- The Eagle is a pig- transitive property
5- The Pig is an eagle- Symmetric Property
6- The Pig is a national Bird- Transitive Property
So Know we know the pig is the national bird of America. Therefore the Pig is a symbol of America. Therefore Americans are pigs. Congratulations Americans. And yes I passed Geometry.

Next some things to think about.
If a cheeto is made of cheese and cheese can make cheese nips, can a cheeto make cheese nips?
How much ground could groundhog hog if a groundhog could hog ground?
Shouldn't groundhog day be called woodchuck day?
Why is don't we call them groundchucks or woodhogs?
Is the Earth really flat?
Why am I awesome?
What is the fee for awesomeness and attractiveness?
What did the ignoramus hippopotamus say to the bus full of pus?
What did the cucumber say to tomato?
Why should you expect the unexpected if it won't be unexpected if it is expected?
How can a vampire be both hot and cool?
Who is she that sells seashells by the seashore?


Just some thoughts.

Ask a Demon Slayer #1

Here it is. I had so many great questions that it was sad I could choose so few to answer.

Dear Deamon Slayer-
I love you. I love you so much I love you. I cannot think what it is like not to love you. I love you more than Chuck Norris. That is how much I love you.
-Lovestruck

Dear Love Struck-
Get your head out the clouds. I don't even know who you are. So do something useful and join the army. We love our volunteers.

Dear Mythos-
How come you get an e-mail and everything while I am stuck rotting in a hut in the middle of Tibet?
-Crynearg

Dear Crynearg-
Hi. It isn't my fault you drew the Popsicle stick that said- Middle of the Himalayas. It was luck. You are better off than Annawyn- she is stuck in Canada. Man it sucks to be her. Also don't use our true names in public letters. It changed them when I saw what you did but be careful.

Dear Demon-Slayer-
Can I have your autograph?
-A cool dude like you
Dear Fat guy like Titan-Slayer-
Sure. I have autograph sessions at my palace every full moon from 6-9Pm. See you there.

Dear Demon Slayer-
I have a proposition to make. Start using the English mode of Tengwar for all offcial business. It will keep things secret.
-Legolas
Dear Orlando Bloom-
Maybe.

Dear Demon Slayer-
I hate you.
-Froggy
Dear Froggy-
Did you know I eat frog legs for breakfast. They taste good, you should try tsometime.

Dear Demon Slayer-
QWERTYUIOPASDFGHJKLZXCVBNM. HAHHAHA!!!!!!!!
~WRFDS
Dear Idiot-
Quit annoying me. I told you at my last autograph session I do not accept checks for my bribes. A little cash is fine though.

Dear Ugly Butt-
You are under arrest for terrorism. We have troops surrounding your palace as you read this. You will be brought to justice for your atrocities.
-Barack Obama
Dear He-who-houses-terrorist-sticks-
You aren't president yet. Plus I received this letter last week. You need to learn who to keep up with your threats. Plus what Atrocities have I committed? Was it not endorsing you for the election. Man you want to follow in Bushiee Boy's footsteps. See you at the world leaders barbecue next week.

Man, I need a new way for choosing which letters to answer. Pulling them out of a hat doesn't work. Send in your new letters. Due date will be announced later.

Wiki

Should I make a New Sweden wiki? You know it would be awesome. And if I do, what should it be hosted on. Also, due to the amount of negative comments have received I will reveal the answers to the riddles.
Riddle 1- Mythos Wyrm
Riddle 2- You
Riddle 3- Someone who is annoying someone who needs to pee
Riddle 4- Miley Cyrus :Þ. Actually it is ... Bill Clinton!!!!!!!! Or is it Queen Isabella. Maybe it is Genghis Khan. But no it is actually Snow White, or Sleeping Beauty, Or The Wicked Witch, Or Cinderella, or Bella (the dog), but it is actually Cookie Monster.
Riddle 5- A Nuclear Meltdown
Riddle 6- These Riddles
Riddle 7- PalindromeemordnilaP
Riddle 8- France
Riddle 9- Goo Gone
Riddle 10- Janus, the God of Doors.

Titan-Slayer has -1 points. Beat that.

THE-ES MEENS WOR

The Werm Nus has deeclaird wor on Weekeepeedeea.h The-es is beekahze they keep on reeplaysing The Werm Nus for the Number won spot for the sirch "Sweden's Opinion on Terrorism". The-er meens wor. Let us destroy weekeepeedeeah and bring Nu Sweeden to Powair. Now for saum annoying tipin. Dadadadadaddadadadadadadadaddadadadadadadadadadadadadadd
I am the Spammer!!!!!!!!!! Grigorizy Blashnoek. HahAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

Who am I?

Here are some riddles. For each correct answer you post, you gain 1 point to your WyrmNewsGamingAcountOnline. Each one wrong you lose one point. You only gain a point if you are the first one that is right. Lets get started.
Riddle 1
I am he who sleeps so others may rise,
I am he who lives while others die
All the fish of the sky and the birds of the sea
are endebted unto me.
I am all that glitters gold
A fact told known from a sign untold
All the land of this universe
thinks of me as one great curse
The great mountains of old
look down upon me, like i was foot mold
Those who once were pleased,
don't even give me a sneeze
My life would be done
if I could live, less than the sun.
Who I am?

Riddle 2
Fat, stupid, ugly, dumb,
but a worthless bum
My years are gaining
as is my waistline
And Christmas is almost here
The mirror is my enemy
Medusa lost the Ugly Contest to me
Who am I?

Riddle 3
Swoosh, woosh, drip drop
paddle paddle, woof woof
rushing down the water fall,
running down the massive hall
Great thunderstorms in the sky
raining down like a mooson
Waterfall, River, Pond Lake
Stream, Brook, Creek, Canal
Bog, Swamp, Marsh, Puddle
All of life is a muddle
Flush, Woosh, drip drop
What am I?

Riddle 4
Mirror Mirror, on the wall
Whose the fairest of them all?

Riddle 5
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMM!

Riddle 6
What gets worse with everyone you see?

Riddle 7
When "rats live on no evil star"
I am: "too hot to hoot"
What am I?

Riddle 8
They lost to Italy
They lost to Germany
They lost to Mother nature
They lost to Britian
They lost to Algeria
They lost to Everything else
Be man, cat, boat, rat
dog, frog, hog, log
Who are they?

Riddle 9
Egg Nog
it is wonderfulific
or just horrific
What is it?

Riddle 10
I am the Entrance and the exit
the first and the last
the maker of decisions,
the beginning and the end
Then my empire died and I was forgotten.
Who am I?

The horse and the little old lady

There once was a horse. A little old lady saw it. She was 106, 4'2'', weighed 78 lbs, was named Edna, could speak fluent Bulgarian, and had her first heart attack when she was 14. When she saw the horse she exclaimed," Oh my. It is an Equus caballus. I will now rode3 it." So she sat on the horse. By the way, the horse was blue, ate fried chicken, took on dump a day, could do a handstand, and was 36 years old. The horse, who was named fred, suddenly died.
Edna had a heart attack at died the next millisecond.

What did that mean? It meant don't submit a bad story. Also letters to the Demon Slayer are due tommorow.

Post Election analysis

We Wrongly reported Ralph Nader won the American Presidental Election. It was actually Barack Obama. We regret the error.

Now the for the analysis. This was a great win for the commies... I mean Democrats. New Sweden is getting prepared for an influx of immigrants, to the last somewhat conservative outpost in Europe. I guess New Sweden is Conservative. But they could go to Africa or Asia, but they are just a bunch of racist bigots, so they come to good 'ole Nordic Sweden. America will be bankrupted by Barack Obama, and everyone will hate him. His approval rating will be in the low 50s by the end of his term. John McCain will retire and sell some books. George Bush will be a motivational speaker at rehab centers, telling his story of his rise out of alcoholism and cocaine addiction to becoming the president of the Unilateral Stickmen Anonymous. Ralph Nader will run for the 2012 election as an independent. John McCain will not die in the next four years. Barack Obama will choose Osama Bin Laden to be his Secretary of State. His reason will be simply, Our names sound alike. Sure. In 2012 the main parties will send out Sarah Palin and Joe the Plumber (for the fascists) and the commies will present the incumbents. Ralph Nader will win. He will be 78. Germany will declare war on the United States in 2011. Barack Obama will use his terrorist connections to take over Germany and he will install the Fourth Reich. Not Vampyres. Man I wanted Vampyres to install the Fourth Reich. Also I think the Voters of Unilateral Stickmen Anonymous made a bad choice. They made a good one in 2000 when they traded a pot head for a coke head. But they had to ruin it and trade the coke head for a pothead, not a meth head or heroin head. Bad trade. Canada will be invaded by the Unilateral Stickmen Anonymous Army. France will be invaded by default, of course. It always manages to be invaded. France sucks.

This post was sponsored the NMWATFC- Give us your money... AND YOUR BAG PIPES!!!!! It was also sponsored by Orban's Big Gun Co. - A helpful note to Prospective Costumers... Buy up our guns before the Enemy does.

Short story Contest

The Wyrm News Will be having a short story contest. Stories must be shorter than 23,546 pages long and are due by December 1, 2008. Also Due Date for the First sk a Demon Slayer is Friday November 14, 2008. Thanks. And to lighten up your mind abnoput that evil election
Change is Nader in the Office. Vote For Change- The McBama Way
Do You owe your life to Nadar? Probably.

This article was sponserd by the National Mid-Western American Terrorist Farmers Council. We want your money.

And the winner is...

Today is a momentous day in history. Ralph Nader aka Loozerman won the United States Presidential Election. It means he is the oldest person to become president, the one who try ed the hardest and the First Independent. JA!!!! So pack your bags and start partying. JA!!!!!!!!!
JA!!!!!!!!!!!! JA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!JA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! JA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!




This article was sponserd by the National Mid-Western American Terrorist Farmers Council. We want your money.

Pre Election Issue

Well tomorrow is the election day in the Unites States of America, also know as the USA (or Unilateral Stickmen Anonymous). So here is my Pre-election analysis. John McMcain (Johannas McStikk) is leading in Utah. Barack Obama (He who houses terrorist sticks) leads in everything else. Ralph Nader (Loozerman) is running for the 62 time as an independent (random scream in the background). Bob Barr (13013~13@55) is ignored, as is his party the legalize-everythingers. Chuck Baldwin (Hi-yah Charlie) is the constitution party canidate. And the Greens have Cynthia McKinney (Not Ralph). The Vice Presidents are Sarah Palin (Kanyikay) for Johannas McStikk, Joe Biden (not-plumber-joe) for He who houses terrorist sticks, Matt Gonzales (Who is this Guy?), for Loozerman, Wayne Allen Root (Country Time) for 13013~13@55, Darrel Castle (Knight Errant) for Hi-yah Charlie, and Rosa Clemente (Pink Orange) as Not Ralph's veep. None of the other parties matter. Now for my fast paced predictions.

If He-who-houses-terrorist-sticks wins then New Sweden will be over run by racist, über-conservatives looking for a safe place from his evil, liberal views. America will be over run by Non-profits and Wall-e will come true. Israel will be wiped off the face of the Earth.

If Johannas McStikk get elected then he will
A-Nuke Russia, Iran, China, Mexico, Bulgaria, Iraq, Afghanistan, Vietnam, New Sweden, France (Yes), Germany, Japan, Belarus, Australia, Belgium, Canadia, Panama, Georgia, Mongolia, West Virginia, California, Denny's, Massachusetts, Connecticut, Poland, Pakistan, Indonesia, Thailand, United Kingdom, Sweden, Norway, Finland, Iceland, Björk, Your house, Chicago, Iran, Cambodia, Laos, Malaysia, Brunei, Saudi Arabia, Mali, Ghana, Rwanda, South Africa, Syria, Venezuela, Brazil, Argentina, Turkmenistan, Tajikistan, Chile, Bolivia, Columbia, Kazakhstan, Portugal, Kyrgyzstan, Uzbekistan, Iran, Oman, Yemen, Qatar, Kuwait, Alaska, Jordan, Egypt, Algeria, Russia, Azerbaijan, New Sweden, Jamaica, Cuba, Bermuda, Estonia, Latvia, Lithuania, Luxembourg, Switzerland, Hatti, Slovenia, Slovakia, Czech Republic, Romania, Moldova, Serbia, Kosovo, Montenegro, Bosnia and Hertsogovia, Croatia, Italy, Iran, Libya, Sudan, Botswana, New Zealand, Namibia, Mozambique, Angola, Ukraine, San Salvador, El Salvador, Nicaragua, (I move my hand away from the keyboard to reload the missile silos), Iran, Zambia, Democratic Republic of Congo, Republic of Congo, Peru, Ecuador, Antarctica, Madagascar, Equilateral Guinea, Papa New Guinea, East Timor, Japan, Burma, Singapore, Monaco, Malta, Ireland, Denmark, The Netherlands, Tanzania, Kenya, Fiji, Morocco, Vatican City, Chad, Iran, Ethiopia, Eritrea, Somalia, Bahrain, Armenia, Hungry, Liechtenstein, San Marino, Andorra, Maldives, India, Samoa, Tonga, Togo, Central African Republic, Burkina Faso, Turkey, Niger, Nigeria, Mauritania, Guinea, Swaziland, Lesotho, (I look up more countries) Senegal, Western Sahara, Burundi, Iran, Djibouti, Comoros, Malawi, Russia, Mauritius, Uganda, Zimbabwe, Seychelles, Cameroon, Gabon, Côte d'Ivoire, Tunisia, Namibia, Cape Verde, Guinea-Bissau, Pakistan, Sierra Leone, Liberia, Solomon Islands, Vanuatu, Middle Earth, Federated States of Micronesia, Kiribati, Nauru, Pulau, Tuvula, Iran, and any place I forgot to mention, but Israel and the United States of America.
Plan B- He-who-houses-terrorist-sticks becomes a sucide bomber and blows up Johannas McStikk. Then President Kanyikay will create a world government, make an allience with aliens and safely ship everyone of Earth before 12/21/2012.
Plan C- All liberals move to Canadia and get nuked. HAHAHAHA

If Loozerman becomes President a paradox will happen and the World will end 13 weeks 22 hours and 15 minutes early.

If 13013~13@55 becomes president then some idiot will move to New Sweden, sell me the keys to the US Armoury and me and 13013~13@55 will become friends. He will make sure the government won't intervene when America is invaded by Canadia, New Sweden, Russia, Mexico, and France at the Same time.

If Hi-yah-Charlie becomes president then America will be sucked into a black hole and the void will be filled by Mexico.

If Not Nader becomes president then Loozerman will suddenly suck out the life force of Not-Nader and morph into Dynamite Boy, the Crash Test dummy. It will be cool.

New Sweden endorses 13013~13@55 but prefers that you don't vote at all. Voting is bad you know.

This Post was sponsored by: People for Partisanship in Families and the National Mid-Western American Terrorist Farmers Council. Thank You and have a nice day.

And now a message from our Sponsors

We have our first sponsors!!!!! They are the People for Partisanship in American Families (PPAF) and the National Mid-Western American Terrorist Farmers Council (NMWATFC). The PPAF will be sponsoring The Wyrm News For this post and the next post, while the NMWATFC is sponsoring the next 5 posts, including this one. Since we have nothing else planned, lets have some words from our sponsors.

We as the People for Partisanship in Families, believe it is important for people to hate each other just because they have different political views. That means that we think that you should teach your kids to be partisan today. Nothing makes us feel Happier than seeing little kids fight each other because their parents are voting for different presidential candidates. We believe that Partisanship, like racism and sexism, should start in the home. We also believe it is important to tell your kids to vote for people according to their party, not because of their stance on issues. We ask you to exercise your privilege to vote and vote for the candidate of the party you like more. You simply are Un-American if you vote for the issues. We think that everyone must be registered in a party and only vote for that party. We think that independent should be "rewarded" for their non-conformism with happiness for the rest of their life. So vote for the person your registered in your party on Tuesday. And Remember folks, it is good to bomb the houses of those who vote against your party, destroy and replace yard signs that are against your party, and getting drunk right before you vote. That's all we have to say.

The NMWATFC thinks that people should pay more attention to farmers. Farmers produce food you know But in recent times people have scorned the Farming life for the city. The city is a horrible polluted place where crime is abundant. But people still like that thing. They continue to mock farmers. They get thier high wages as doctors and lawyers and teachers, and then ignore us as we die toiling for them to get fat. So we had it. We want the government to give us more money and attention, Or we WILL BLOW UP THE CITY! KABOOOOOOOOOM! YEs we will blow it UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Give us your support or we will kill you. Down with the rich and up with the farmers. Down with industry. UP with Food. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!

My Vacation

I went to Hawaii. it was fun... Until the police came. So I hopped onto my plane and flew to Kansas. Kansas was not fun. The only reason I went to Kansas Was because I was speaking at the 27th National Mid-Western American Terrorist Farmers Council (NMWATFC). It was boring. The NMWATFC people thought I actually farmed. Just because I lived on a farm back before the demons came doesn't mean I know how to farm. It has been about 5280 Years since I did any major farming. A lot advances have been made in agriculture since than. The only good thing about it was I won a tractor with machine guns in a door prize. Than I got on my plane. Made a few stops to various cities, got my spies ready for Halloween, refueled and went home. Than I slept. Over all my vacation was okay. Now for some pictures.That was one creapy rabbit. So I took a picture of it.Never thought I could surf that well. Man that wave was small.Escape to the KansasYou know a place sucks when the women have mustaches and beards like that. This is the President of the NMWATFCI won this!!!!!! Isn't it awesome.

Epic 50th: 1/11/08

Today is my epic 50Th post. But will it be epic. We will just have to see. First up:

The letter of the day is Þ. the Þ is used in Icelandic. It is very cool. With it you can spell Þórr. What does that mean. you will have to find out.

The wise Guy is on Vacation. From the Himalayas he says "ஹாய் ய் போல்க்ஸ். இ லைக் த. "

Features:
I sent some spies to various parts of America Yesterday. Some of my spies in Cleveland uncovered the fact that Mayor Beryl E Rothschild has been trying to atone for the trouble that she caused last year. That trouble would be the fact that she stole candy from little kids, created a major supreme court case, caused a civil war, and then a war with Canada. Man she was one busy old lady. But the point is this Halloween my spy's reported that she was handing out candy. Clearly she is trying to get rid of that year old candy she stole last year. Congratulations to her.

Feature 2:
Today we will be starting a new semi common feature: Ask a Demon Slayer. It is an advice Column were readers send me their questions and i answer them. Just post your questions on this post or any Ask a Demon Slayer posts. Or E-mail them to me at my e-mail. you need to ask me for it first.

Feature 3: Disclaimer: This is a rant. If you don't like rants suck it up and take it like a man.

Canada should be spelled Canadia and be pronounced Can-Ay-Dee-Ah, not Can-Ah-Duh. Duh as in it is so stupid it is obvious. Canada should be changed to Canadia because there is a language called Kannada. There are 35 million native speakers of Kannada and only 33 m,illion Canadians. So Kannada gets the name. Also shouldn't inhabitants of Canada be called Canadans (Can-ah-Dins) as in they are a can of dins(n should be replaced with m), because Canada is a can of dim (inhabitants). So start petitioning the Canadian Government to change thier countries name to Canadia. It is better for the World.

Feature 4-
The map does lie sometimes. I tricked it so that it can't find me, New Sweden or any of my computers and other things like that. But It is useful. Like I learned that A man in Kurdistan read my post on Terrorism. I am not sure if that is good or bad. Also I learned if you google: Sweden's opinion on terrorism- The Wyrm News is Number 1. Yes!!

Main Feature: The Epic History of The Wyrm News, New Sweden and All that Matter: Part 1/36+- The Wyrm News Year 1.

The Wyrm News began on November First of 2007. It was started when I, the Benevolent Ruler of New Sweden, Head of the Demon-Slayers, Knight of the Golden Emperor, The Chicken Master of Old Beetrack, Assassin of Arch-Duke Ferdinand, the chief advisor to Alexander the Great, The real killer of Marcus Junius Brutus, Founder of Orban's Great Big Gun Co (c.1449), Great Keeper of the lost records of Pre-Romance Mongolia, etc etc etc. I decided that after ruling New Sweden for about 18 months, that the people needed a state run Newspaper. So I created one. It grew to have music, Pictures, scrolling messages, comments, polls, quotes, maps, more polls, more music, another comment, election reporting, links, flags, geckos, crime reporting, story arcs and more. Our most important story was on the King of Candy. But what should the Wyrm News do for the future. This was The Epic History of The Wyrm News, New Sweden and All that Matter: Part 1/36+- The Wyrm News Year 1. Yes wasn't it epic.

Well look forward to the New Wyrm News Stories. We hope to reach 150 post by this time next year. We want lots of comments, plenty of polls, Ask a Demon Slayer letters, and money. So help us. And apply for an interview sesion. Plus Mythos Wyrm Autographs are only $57.36 so buy one to day.