Sunday, January 31, 2010
Unicorns
There are two types of Unicorns, the Steppe Unicorn and the Forest Unicorn. There are also their close relatives the Bicorns, and the Quadracorns, but those are a completely different story. And no, tricorns do not exist. Steppe Unicorns are extremely common, living all over Russia, Mongolia, Kazakhstan and other parts of Central Asia. They often are found in herds over five hundred and it is thought there are over two-hundred herds this size. Of course these creatures are not often seen as they can run over forty-five miles per hour over the course of thirty miles and can easily sprint at miles per hour. They also blend in well with the steppe. They have little magical ability and their main purpose for being hunted is for food and for their extremely warm and camouflaged hide. Some people also seek them out for their horns, which are then sold as fake unicorn horns. Forest unicorns contrast greatly. They are rare solitary beasts, larger than a draft horse, and are extremely bad tempered. They have much magical ability and are agile and elusive. Forest Unicorns are found throughout Germany, Switzerland, Austria, and other forested areas in Europe. It is also thought that some where captured and released in British Columbia during the 1700s, and that they is now a sizable population fighting for food with the Sasquatch. The forest Unicorn is white in colour in its natural form, but can change its colour at will. The horn of a forest unicorn is unbreakable, extremely sharp, and capable of cutting diamond. When ground up it acts as a powerful hallucinogen, and in quantities of more than a few grams it can knock out or even kill an adult human. Forest Unicorn blood is highly acidic, and is used as the almost universal solvent, as it can't dissolve gold, and a few other things. Forest unicorn hide is also warm, but has nothing special compared to the steppe unicorn hide. Forest Unicorn hoofs can be turned into an adhesive that is more powerful than almost any type of glue, but at the same time can be easily removed in the proper manner. This makes it useful for climbing up walls. Forest Unicorn bones can be ground up to make a potion that makes to user temporarily fast, but has side effects that include increased heart rate, death, internal bleeding, loss of judgment, insanity, internal necrosis, and a squeaky voice. Forest unicorn tail can be used to make a strong, elasticity rope. Forest unicorn liver tastes really good fried, and their kidneys can cure you of most poisons when eaten (with the side effect of being poisonous themselves). Forest Unicorn bile is a flavor-er and can make anything it touches taste like strawberries, cinnamon and rotting flesh, for weeks at a time. The heart of a forest unicorn can be dried to create a pouch that bounces like a rubber ball and floats in water. Most other parts are useless. In order to hunt a forest unicorn, you must lure it to ca clearing with a human girl, which it eat. As it is eating, you can try to kill it. It has a heightened sense of danger, and will run away at the slightest bit of danger, so having prettier girls is better (to distract them more). If you and your hunting party are extremely good, the girl might even be saved. Please note that hunting forest unicorns is illegal and fines will be imposed on poachers. All forest unicorn products are illegal and non-trade-able. Forest unicorns are very deadly and love snaking on human flesh. With that thank you and have a nice day.
Monday, January 25, 2010
Jelly Voles
Do you want to eat a jelly vole? They are the next Swedish Fish. Almost as good, but way awesome-er. Buy some today.
The Wise Guy is sick
Just read the title. He is recovering from Ebola and should be ready to spread his wisdom in a few weeks. Thank you for supporting us and have a nice day
Saturday, January 16, 2010
The Wise Corner- #2 Pasta
Pasta is a good food for you. It has lots of carbohydrates, which are good for you. You should not fear carbohydrates. Pasta also tastes good. There are many ways prepare pasta. Try them all, in every shape. If you eat one pound of pasta a day I assure that by 2013 you will be the strongest person ever. I did that and after twenty years I could wrestle a bear. Then I ate the arch-nemesis of pasta, watermelon. If you never eat watermelon you will be strong.
-Wise Guy
-Wise Guy
Monday, January 11, 2010
Which do you prefer?
Dů jů laëk ďú čék vélžún ül ďú ëíntélnét vélžún úv ďëíc cklëípt fół ëňglëíš?
Duuo yuuo laaik dhu tshek uuel dhu intelnet velzhun uv dhic sklipt foll iingglish?
Plëc cómént.
Pliis coment.
Duuo yuuo laaik dhu tshek uuel dhu intelnet velzhun uv dhic sklipt foll iingglish?
Plëc cómént.
Pliis coment.
Chicken Hunt
There will be a country wide chicken hunt on Friday January 22. Your goal will to be to catch as many specially marked chickens as possible and bring them to the palace by Tuesday. There will then be a party with lots of fried chicken and fun. Even door prizes. Everybody is invited. Remember, chickens must not be hurt. Nor may other competitors be hurt, but you can steal their chickens. Prizes for the people who bring back the most chickens. All PETA members are invited to attend, but if the competition is interfered with in any way, there will be severe consequences.
You have been warned.
Gůíd Lúk and háv fún, maë évél cü löjół cúbđékc.
You have been warned.
Gůíd Lúk and háv fún, maë évél cü löjół cúbđékc.
Saturday, January 9, 2010
Notice:
Yes it is true that the wise guy is a little weird. But please listen to him. He is very wise you know. And he knows Zulu. Also, there is a demon ball game vs the Vladstockengrad Cossacks next Friday. i would highly recommend that you are there. Finally, there is going to be a public discussion on the prophecy on January 21, at 5:00 PM and running to 9:00 Pm at the Royal Palace.
Friday, January 8, 2010
The Wise Corner- #1 Introduction
Many of you have problems. Long ago I had problems too. But I fought my problems and became better. I am now ever telling people who to solve their problems. See when I was a young boy, there was no such thing as hippies. Also there was no such thing as video games, and telephones. In fact there was no electricity, or Romans. There was just open plains and nature. It was very fun. Then they came. They were very scary and killed my family. They also burned my village and killed everybody. The only thing left was me and my walking stick. So I left out into the world. I traveled for many years, and then I ran into this man who told me that he was looking for me. But more amazingly he spoke my language. See I thought that I was the only speaker left, for my village was the last stronghold for the Kwhúúm, which were my people. Our lands had been overrun by the Tâp'iiqhí for many years. And this man gave me sage advice. He told me that Even if life comes and kills your family, destroys all you know and makes you a fugitive, you should still become a learner of wisdom. And so that has been my journey. Thank you.
- Yâtjâ Npàmthk'ííqqhàdu
Wise Guy
- Yâtjâ Npàmthk'ííqqhàdu
Wise Guy
Ima backa
I got South America for my assignment. That means that I shouldn't have to do to much over the next decade, hopefully. The rest of the council got: Australia (Sercatha), North America (Greshkhan), Asia (Ferdirend), Africa (Crynearg), and Europe (Annawyn).
Next: Updates for the new year. There will be more letters to the demon-slayers, guest columns, and cool stuff. Also there will be things like language lessons, and possibly games. The wise guy has even offered to write a column every week. Hope you have a good year, or in our orthography (style Czech)- Üp jů óv ä gůíd jęh`. I think. I usually use the normal script. Which is way cooler. But you have to learn both. So in your language- gůíd baę júň pódúwón. Or- Dünt kęíl jůíh`célf, oh` élc jů węíl daę.
Next: Updates for the new year. There will be more letters to the demon-slayers, guest columns, and cool stuff. Also there will be things like language lessons, and possibly games. The wise guy has even offered to write a column every week. Hope you have a good year, or in our orthography (style Czech)- Üp jů óv ä gůíd jęh`. I think. I usually use the normal script. Which is way cooler. But you have to learn both. So in your language- gůíd baę júň pódúwón. Or- Dünt kęíl jůíh`célf, oh` élc jů węíl daę.
Saturday, January 2, 2010
A Brief description of the next few days
I will be gone over the next few days for the Great Demon Slayer Conference. We hold this every ten years at our secret hideout to draw lots and receive new assignments. How it works is each continent (excluding Antarctica) is assigned a straw length. This decade the shortest is Europe, the next is South America, then North America, then Asia, then Africa, then Australia. Then we draw straws according to who got Europe the conference before. Then goes Asia, Australia, Africa, North America, and Finally South America. That means I am going third. I will be gone from the 3rd to the 8th of January. thank you for any inconvenience.
Friday, January 1, 2010
Post 100!!!!!!!!!!!! THE PROPHECY!!!!!
Well the 100th post ironically is the prophecy. I did not plan this, at all. It just happened. Well here comes the first poetically direct translation to English of the great oracle Buushkhaneta. 100 stanzas, 100 posts. Some words, not some 2385 comments. Get to work readers.
1- This is a speech of death, destruction and doom
of the end of the world and of the things to unfold
If you art scared then leave the room
while the rest of us hear what will happen before the end of the world.
2- In the plains there shalt be two great cities
one on the land and her sister in the sky
but the one in the sky will think it to be witty
and crash down making her sister into a pie.
3- A nation on the lost continent
shall form when it fights its mother
years after word, when its men live in tents,
it shall be the king of the world, and there shall be no other.
4- The ice to the south
shall bleed and die
flooding the rivers mouth
all due to gas in the sky.
5- People will think it funny
to watch little girls get sucked up by tornadoes
and for them to kill witches but not a bunny
and they not throw at the screen tomatoes.
6- Drunkards shalt crown an art student
who went rouge when his art sucked
the will conquer with men in a tent
and at the end he will shoot at head and won't ducked.
7- The first king of the world will
set the land of the sun on fire
yet a later king (not named Phil)
will bow down to the emperor without a lyre.
8- I am Yo.
I like Cats.
Yo's katana.
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA.
9- Winds from the north
shalt mix with the south
and create big storm's worth
of damage in the mouth.
10- Power shalt be gathered
from the biggest to the small
and environmentalists shalt be like catherds
as the Europeans think their renewable energy is great and tall.
11-Roses art red
and Violets are blue.
Yo has a big head
and he kills many, not few.
12- Clouds shall gather
over the obelisk of heavy laundry
lightning shalt the strike matter
sending the empire into a quandary.
13- Simplistic nightmares
the chosen one shalt have,
yet like stray hairs
she shalt fight them away in goodbye wave.
14- The Nord and the Swede
shalt war and control one another
until the day where the result of explosive greed
shalt bring them together.
15- The Earth twist and turns,
the roads and buildings buckle
the Chinaman's city burns
in a land where the animals love a suckle.
16- The misfortunes of others
shalt be laughed at by all
on magic boxes hated by mothers
that are found everywhere, even the mall.
17- An Italian thief
shalt mug and steal
from a traveler from a far fief
and become the greatest genius to eat a meal.
18- The bodies of long dead lizards
will be used to fuel wagons
but as it runs out, not even wizards
can hold back the economic dragons.
19- Me thinks you have what is mine
saith the bald man to the hair footed guy
fight be that which follows, a finger is dine
but tis fantasy, sigh.
20- Through the jungle they creep
all yellow and black spotted
the power of the jaguar they leap
yet the interlopers win, and in pain the bodies will be rotted.
21- Sandy winds cover those below
as the desert spreads.
From Carthage to Ogbomosho
the men shalt be covered to their heads.
22- Monks of San Fransisco
shalt go Veni, Vedi, Vici
when the Pope go
very very sicky.
23- All the way from Atlantis
to Lemuria and My
Crazies shalt go a chantis
and say "I am not a crook" while turning a brilliant hue.
24- Lightning shalt strike
the chosen not once, but twice
yet in much it would be alike
to be struck thrice.
25- Fish will be eaten
at a non sustainable rate
and by fifty years they will be beaten
saith those we hate.
26- To whom we call
the lost one's gaze:
there will may be many tests, great and small
but for none you will faze.
27- Death be a coming
all are a running
the politicians' noses a thumbing
and the lizard aren't a sunning.
28- Great balls of fire, the water is rising
in the city that shalt not tire
and where the plays are singing.
29- The king of the world
shall young be elected
do nothing he shalt dorld
yet the one non warlike prize shalt be not rejected.
30- 'Tis the season to be jolly
buying things to supplement the income of the mall.
The religion is gone in this day of holly,
the true meaning lost to almost all.
31- Taurine Zebu
Bovine Cow
The great ancestor moo moo
shall leave me now.
32- From the Baltic Coasts
to the Peninsula on the sea
all, not most
shall under one rule be.
33- Dog whisperer
such powerful ones
they talk to hims and hers
and seem to have funs.
34- They stare at the sky
and envy the bird
and so they create birds in their eye
and they fly from the third.
35- Kings are two a penny
Princes are three,
until one day many
kingdoms fall like a forest of dead tree.
36- Grown in floods
and feeding the world
people panic when it is rationed like mud
in a warehouse of the world.
37- It's a mad place
with two super powers,
yet it's worse than mace
with only one checked by none but flowers.
38- May kaffa
May sing
May notta
go ding ding.
39- Arabian nights,
like Arabian days,
have deadly fights
or so they says.
40- Black gold is the stuff,
it runs with fire and not ice
everybody wants it, weak or tough,
and they get it by not being nice.
41- Twinkle, twinkle little star
I can't find you in the haze
I know not where thou art are
in this starry maze.
42- Women... in schools!
What a sight.
Don't call me a sexists fool,
you ugly fright.
43- I shalt hate the day
where lazy teenagers shall
make billions being loud and gay
playing noisy instruments till the fall.
44- War and Peace
Peace and War.
At the same time and pleece
happen they shalt be and more.
45- Yo shall assemble many
oblivious they are to his intentions
not knowing really why
the ore they mine is not fought over by nations.
46- "Where you be?"
say Bach
to the tree
in the loch.
47- Dumma Dumma roll Dumma.
Here comes the Khan,
a great empire he a runna
and he shalt know little of his ancestry grand.
48- Blood, Blood on the wall,
Who art the fairest of them all?
Is it the judge, the arbitrator, the cop at the mall?
Or is it the one chosen above all?
49- Skull for a mask,
scapula for a shield,
the bone meister is ready for the task
but what of her who is in the field?
50- Blowing spit bubbles is fun!
But what about those who can't do it?
get some rubber, make it pink, call it gum,
put it in your mouth and let it be bit.
51- Automatoa... Check.
Birds of Death... Ready for anything.
Great disciples of moi... in a sec.
OK, roll call is over, said the one who sing.
52- Tuba in the center,
trumpets on the side,
trombones up in the fronter
and horns, go hide.
53- Yo met her once,
at a convention on many things.
they talked to each other, like a dunce
but out of it came no rings.
54- Babies
are hard on the brain,
just like rabies,
and soon you just dance in the rain.
55- Om.
On.
Og.
Oy.
56-And so we art back to now
and now know what will
happen before the end of all toe, sow,
human, dog or pill.
57- But still there is much
that can be learned
about what will happen after these touch
our lives and the fuse gets burned.
58- And so,
in a few verses following,
we will go
and tour that which is unfolding.
59- A word of warning.
the following is gruesome,
if you fell your mind burning,
feel free to leave and don't be troublesome.
60- Now let us begin,
you vile hags,
for the world is big and not made of tin,
and there is much to see, don't forget your bag.
61- Here we start, at an ancient circle,
that the druids claim falsley is theirs,
untrue that is, because it is a portal,
and it connects to a world with little mares.
62- These invaders have come before,
but knocked back they were,
but with their new door,
they will destroy, dur.
63- Many cities that they shalt raze,
like Londonium and Paris,
Their path will be straightforward, not a maze,
and they will be quite merry.
64- The army will be organized,
with ranks and jobs and such,
but our efforts will be compromised,
very, very much.
65- They will move with passion,
destroying all in their way,
stuff will be burning in a brilliant fashion,
and they will drink our mead and not pay!
66- Onward they shalt go,
banners flying high,
hurting the world we know,
and we can only sigh.
67- Nowhere can escape their wrath,
all will be touched,
the ones at the end of the path,
are in a place not wanted much.
68- The great northern land,
shalt be restored to its glory of old,
No more shalt it be viewed like sand,
and there will be no more mold.
69- Once again. this shall be,
the base of operations,
a mighty fortress to the d,
a bane to all the nations.
70- No more shall the island be mocked,
and used for meaningless storage,
from here the paychecks shalt be docked,
and soldiers shall be refused their porridge.
71- Great beasts will be imported,
things that dwarf elephants,
like and angry bull their nose a snorted,
and a lunch they make of elephants.
72- Some of them will be wolves,
of a most demonic type,
the type of wolves that eat dwarves,
and can cause a great hype.
73- Also there will be other ones,
like great beasts of the sky,
not like birds, but flying bags 'o fun,
that can shred a human into a mincemeat pie.
74- Of course there will be awesome lizards,
the types that gaze, breathe and chew.
They will be a match for the greatest wizards,
and will love to the mountains of Peru.
75- All of these, and much much more,
shall come with the invaders,
all of this will come from the door,
in the land of owe you laters.
76- But do not worry,
that's not all,
for natural disasters will make your head want to bury,
and never answer a call.
77- A virulent plague will break out,
one that makes your flesh peel,
but don't run ot the room and pout,
for the descriptions is in the next reel.
78- It will strike you as you sleep,
a simple insectoid bite.
Little do you know your soul it reaps,
all from this magician's mite.
79- For a while it shall rest,
and slowly it shalt spread,
but beware my guest,
for you'll never know when you'll drop dead.
80- When it awakens you will know,
as will all that look at you,
when they see your skin go,
and your body turns to poo.
81- First comes vomiting, diarrhea, and shaking,
followed by tremors, seizures, and dreams.
Then comes mild skin flaking,
and you realizes it is more than it seems.
82- After that comes massive holes,
of rotting flesh on thou,
then your bones turn into jelly rolls,
and you can't even go ow.
83- Finally the end is near,
and your appendages fall off,
Soon you won't be able to see or hear,
only breathe and cough.
84- The finale is either when,
you die of starvation,
or when the plague reaches the brain pen,
liqufying it and causing the brain to have destabilization.
85- so this ends,
my bloody tale,
of a disease your body defends,
against with no avail.
86- Of course other things will happen,
like earthquakes, volcanoes, dissolving tribes,
whirlpools, tsunamis, and a kraken,
but these aren't as fun to describe.
87- Some of the natural spirits,
on our fair planet will awaken too,
like the giants, and no-fear-its,
or the great one who moos.
88- Even the unicorns,
might go bad,
at least the ones with common horns,
but they always were sad.
89- Buildings will tumble,
people's homes will go to ruin,
humans will rumble,
and lawyers won't be suin'.
90- Yes all of this,
and much much more,
will happen with a kiss,
and the opening of a door.
91- Is there any hope,
for when the end begins?
Of course there is you dope,
like an animal with fins.
92- The binders must be found,
the ones who won last time,
so act like a bloodhound,
because not finding them would be a crime.
93- They must be brought,
to the land of their home,
with the magic on you got,
and the great sky dome.
94- after that there is time for lunch,
and then there is more searching,
this time for the horseman bunch,
and their father a lurching.
95- While three of them will be easy,
the last one will be tough,
for he loves his life, though it's cheesy,
and he is quite gruff.
96- Once these troubled souls are gathered,
and the chosen one is found,
all must go to my blood's tomb like none matters,
even though it's just an unknown mound.
97- From here the final battle,
roars to a start,
though many will be hurt (don't forget a rattle),
do not lose heart.
98- The chosen one's
time is here,
one she can let all be done,
when she learns to conquer fear.
99- Well goodbye, thanks for listening,
don't forget you complementary scroll and ring,
hey, why are you all hastening,
when you must remember one thing.
100- Don't let the chosen one fly,
at any cost.
Don't let her die,
or all is lost.
1- This is a speech of death, destruction and doom
of the end of the world and of the things to unfold
If you art scared then leave the room
while the rest of us hear what will happen before the end of the world.
2- In the plains there shalt be two great cities
one on the land and her sister in the sky
but the one in the sky will think it to be witty
and crash down making her sister into a pie.
3- A nation on the lost continent
shall form when it fights its mother
years after word, when its men live in tents,
it shall be the king of the world, and there shall be no other.
4- The ice to the south
shall bleed and die
flooding the rivers mouth
all due to gas in the sky.
5- People will think it funny
to watch little girls get sucked up by tornadoes
and for them to kill witches but not a bunny
and they not throw at the screen tomatoes.
6- Drunkards shalt crown an art student
who went rouge when his art sucked
the will conquer with men in a tent
and at the end he will shoot at head and won't ducked.
7- The first king of the world will
set the land of the sun on fire
yet a later king (not named Phil)
will bow down to the emperor without a lyre.
8- I am Yo.
I like Cats.
Yo's katana.
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA.
9- Winds from the north
shalt mix with the south
and create big storm's worth
of damage in the mouth.
10- Power shalt be gathered
from the biggest to the small
and environmentalists shalt be like catherds
as the Europeans think their renewable energy is great and tall.
11-Roses art red
and Violets are blue.
Yo has a big head
and he kills many, not few.
12- Clouds shall gather
over the obelisk of heavy laundry
lightning shalt the strike matter
sending the empire into a quandary.
13- Simplistic nightmares
the chosen one shalt have,
yet like stray hairs
she shalt fight them away in goodbye wave.
14- The Nord and the Swede
shalt war and control one another
until the day where the result of explosive greed
shalt bring them together.
15- The Earth twist and turns,
the roads and buildings buckle
the Chinaman's city burns
in a land where the animals love a suckle.
16- The misfortunes of others
shalt be laughed at by all
on magic boxes hated by mothers
that are found everywhere, even the mall.
17- An Italian thief
shalt mug and steal
from a traveler from a far fief
and become the greatest genius to eat a meal.
18- The bodies of long dead lizards
will be used to fuel wagons
but as it runs out, not even wizards
can hold back the economic dragons.
19- Me thinks you have what is mine
saith the bald man to the hair footed guy
fight be that which follows, a finger is dine
but tis fantasy, sigh.
20- Through the jungle they creep
all yellow and black spotted
the power of the jaguar they leap
yet the interlopers win, and in pain the bodies will be rotted.
21- Sandy winds cover those below
as the desert spreads.
From Carthage to Ogbomosho
the men shalt be covered to their heads.
22- Monks of San Fransisco
shalt go Veni, Vedi, Vici
when the Pope go
very very sicky.
23- All the way from Atlantis
to Lemuria and My
Crazies shalt go a chantis
and say "I am not a crook" while turning a brilliant hue.
24- Lightning shalt strike
the chosen not once, but twice
yet in much it would be alike
to be struck thrice.
25- Fish will be eaten
at a non sustainable rate
and by fifty years they will be beaten
saith those we hate.
26- To whom we call
the lost one's gaze:
there will may be many tests, great and small
but for none you will faze.
27- Death be a coming
all are a running
the politicians' noses a thumbing
and the lizard aren't a sunning.
28- Great balls of fire, the water is rising
in the city that shalt not tire
and where the plays are singing.
29- The king of the world
shall young be elected
do nothing he shalt dorld
yet the one non warlike prize shalt be not rejected.
30- 'Tis the season to be jolly
buying things to supplement the income of the mall.
The religion is gone in this day of holly,
the true meaning lost to almost all.
31- Taurine Zebu
Bovine Cow
The great ancestor moo moo
shall leave me now.
32- From the Baltic Coasts
to the Peninsula on the sea
all, not most
shall under one rule be.
33- Dog whisperer
such powerful ones
they talk to hims and hers
and seem to have funs.
34- They stare at the sky
and envy the bird
and so they create birds in their eye
and they fly from the third.
35- Kings are two a penny
Princes are three,
until one day many
kingdoms fall like a forest of dead tree.
36- Grown in floods
and feeding the world
people panic when it is rationed like mud
in a warehouse of the world.
37- It's a mad place
with two super powers,
yet it's worse than mace
with only one checked by none but flowers.
38- May kaffa
May sing
May notta
go ding ding.
39- Arabian nights,
like Arabian days,
have deadly fights
or so they says.
40- Black gold is the stuff,
it runs with fire and not ice
everybody wants it, weak or tough,
and they get it by not being nice.
41- Twinkle, twinkle little star
I can't find you in the haze
I know not where thou art are
in this starry maze.
42- Women... in schools!
What a sight.
Don't call me a sexists fool,
you ugly fright.
43- I shalt hate the day
where lazy teenagers shall
make billions being loud and gay
playing noisy instruments till the fall.
44- War and Peace
Peace and War.
At the same time and pleece
happen they shalt be and more.
45- Yo shall assemble many
oblivious they are to his intentions
not knowing really why
the ore they mine is not fought over by nations.
46- "Where you be?"
say Bach
to the tree
in the loch.
47- Dumma Dumma roll Dumma.
Here comes the Khan,
a great empire he a runna
and he shalt know little of his ancestry grand.
48- Blood, Blood on the wall,
Who art the fairest of them all?
Is it the judge, the arbitrator, the cop at the mall?
Or is it the one chosen above all?
49- Skull for a mask,
scapula for a shield,
the bone meister is ready for the task
but what of her who is in the field?
50- Blowing spit bubbles is fun!
But what about those who can't do it?
get some rubber, make it pink, call it gum,
put it in your mouth and let it be bit.
51- Automatoa... Check.
Birds of Death... Ready for anything.
Great disciples of moi... in a sec.
OK, roll call is over, said the one who sing.
52- Tuba in the center,
trumpets on the side,
trombones up in the fronter
and horns, go hide.
53- Yo met her once,
at a convention on many things.
they talked to each other, like a dunce
but out of it came no rings.
54- Babies
are hard on the brain,
just like rabies,
and soon you just dance in the rain.
55- Om.
On.
Og.
Oy.
56-And so we art back to now
and now know what will
happen before the end of all toe, sow,
human, dog or pill.
57- But still there is much
that can be learned
about what will happen after these touch
our lives and the fuse gets burned.
58- And so,
in a few verses following,
we will go
and tour that which is unfolding.
59- A word of warning.
the following is gruesome,
if you fell your mind burning,
feel free to leave and don't be troublesome.
60- Now let us begin,
you vile hags,
for the world is big and not made of tin,
and there is much to see, don't forget your bag.
61- Here we start, at an ancient circle,
that the druids claim falsley is theirs,
untrue that is, because it is a portal,
and it connects to a world with little mares.
62- These invaders have come before,
but knocked back they were,
but with their new door,
they will destroy, dur.
63- Many cities that they shalt raze,
like Londonium and Paris,
Their path will be straightforward, not a maze,
and they will be quite merry.
64- The army will be organized,
with ranks and jobs and such,
but our efforts will be compromised,
very, very much.
65- They will move with passion,
destroying all in their way,
stuff will be burning in a brilliant fashion,
and they will drink our mead and not pay!
66- Onward they shalt go,
banners flying high,
hurting the world we know,
and we can only sigh.
67- Nowhere can escape their wrath,
all will be touched,
the ones at the end of the path,
are in a place not wanted much.
68- The great northern land,
shalt be restored to its glory of old,
No more shalt it be viewed like sand,
and there will be no more mold.
69- Once again. this shall be,
the base of operations,
a mighty fortress to the d,
a bane to all the nations.
70- No more shall the island be mocked,
and used for meaningless storage,
from here the paychecks shalt be docked,
and soldiers shall be refused their porridge.
71- Great beasts will be imported,
things that dwarf elephants,
like and angry bull their nose a snorted,
and a lunch they make of elephants.
72- Some of them will be wolves,
of a most demonic type,
the type of wolves that eat dwarves,
and can cause a great hype.
73- Also there will be other ones,
like great beasts of the sky,
not like birds, but flying bags 'o fun,
that can shred a human into a mincemeat pie.
74- Of course there will be awesome lizards,
the types that gaze, breathe and chew.
They will be a match for the greatest wizards,
and will love to the mountains of Peru.
75- All of these, and much much more,
shall come with the invaders,
all of this will come from the door,
in the land of owe you laters.
76- But do not worry,
that's not all,
for natural disasters will make your head want to bury,
and never answer a call.
77- A virulent plague will break out,
one that makes your flesh peel,
but don't run ot the room and pout,
for the descriptions is in the next reel.
78- It will strike you as you sleep,
a simple insectoid bite.
Little do you know your soul it reaps,
all from this magician's mite.
79- For a while it shall rest,
and slowly it shalt spread,
but beware my guest,
for you'll never know when you'll drop dead.
80- When it awakens you will know,
as will all that look at you,
when they see your skin go,
and your body turns to poo.
81- First comes vomiting, diarrhea, and shaking,
followed by tremors, seizures, and dreams.
Then comes mild skin flaking,
and you realizes it is more than it seems.
82- After that comes massive holes,
of rotting flesh on thou,
then your bones turn into jelly rolls,
and you can't even go ow.
83- Finally the end is near,
and your appendages fall off,
Soon you won't be able to see or hear,
only breathe and cough.
84- The finale is either when,
you die of starvation,
or when the plague reaches the brain pen,
liqufying it and causing the brain to have destabilization.
85- so this ends,
my bloody tale,
of a disease your body defends,
against with no avail.
86- Of course other things will happen,
like earthquakes, volcanoes, dissolving tribes,
whirlpools, tsunamis, and a kraken,
but these aren't as fun to describe.
87- Some of the natural spirits,
on our fair planet will awaken too,
like the giants, and no-fear-its,
or the great one who moos.
88- Even the unicorns,
might go bad,
at least the ones with common horns,
but they always were sad.
89- Buildings will tumble,
people's homes will go to ruin,
humans will rumble,
and lawyers won't be suin'.
90- Yes all of this,
and much much more,
will happen with a kiss,
and the opening of a door.
91- Is there any hope,
for when the end begins?
Of course there is you dope,
like an animal with fins.
92- The binders must be found,
the ones who won last time,
so act like a bloodhound,
because not finding them would be a crime.
93- They must be brought,
to the land of their home,
with the magic on you got,
and the great sky dome.
94- after that there is time for lunch,
and then there is more searching,
this time for the horseman bunch,
and their father a lurching.
95- While three of them will be easy,
the last one will be tough,
for he loves his life, though it's cheesy,
and he is quite gruff.
96- Once these troubled souls are gathered,
and the chosen one is found,
all must go to my blood's tomb like none matters,
even though it's just an unknown mound.
97- From here the final battle,
roars to a start,
though many will be hurt (don't forget a rattle),
do not lose heart.
98- The chosen one's
time is here,
one she can let all be done,
when she learns to conquer fear.
99- Well goodbye, thanks for listening,
don't forget you complementary scroll and ring,
hey, why are you all hastening,
when you must remember one thing.
100- Don't let the chosen one fly,
at any cost.
Don't let her die,
or all is lost.
Contrary to Popular Belief...
I did not die in a blogging accident. I have just been very busy and will continue to be busy over the next few weeks. then hopefully my schedule will clear up. And yes the prophecy is still coming.
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