Self Help Book- Introduction and Chapter 1

I keep on receiving letters from people telling me that I should help the world and publish a self help book. Well I decided to do that and now for a limited time only, you can read it before it is published, or even sent to the Publishers!!!! Ready for it. Here it is.

Get a Life:
Why you should help your self instead on relying on others, you whining pig!!!!!!!

Introduction

You might be wondering why I, An awesome demon-slayer, benevolent dictator, linguist, and Professor of Demonology at His Majesty's the Royal Supreme High Lord Sir Justice Mythos Wyrm University, would be concerning myself with you pitiful mortals and writing a book to solve your problems. Well they answer is I am tired of you asking for my help. So I am writing something that will end my problems once an for all. It is broken into three parts: Why you have problems; Why you aren't solving them; and How to solve them. Now let us start.

Part 1- Why you have problems

Chapter 1- I live in my mom's basement and am ranked #1 in Halo 3 online

Good job looser. Now get a life. See you fall under the first category of the people with problems, you are slothful and want people to solve your easily correctable problems. Well why should we solve your problems. See the reason you have problems is because you secretly want to have problems. You cause them yourself so that people will feel sorry for you. Guess what, they don't. We see you, laugh and then play Parcheesi. We don't feel sorry for you. Get out of the basement, breathe in some fresh air and join the marines, you don't have any real problems. And I will kill you one of these days!!!!!!! HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!