The Truth about Global Warming

All this time, the world government has been feeding you lies, in order to hide the fact that the new world order is attempting to fulfill the Prophecy. These things include evolution, global warming, Freemasons, the Knight Templar, the Catholic Church, Gravity, the World being Round, the Earth revolving around the sun, and many other assumed "truths". But these are lies. And it is up to the knowledgeable, such as me, to keep the public informed with the truth. Today I will explain Global Warming.

Global Warming does not exist. Just live with it. Rather, the Glaciers are retreating because the Glacier Gods are exhaling. That is what causes the glacial winds. As the exhale, they become smaller. Soon they will once again inhale, and grow. but they will not grow as large, and will inhale weaker, because of the volcano gods striking while they are weak. See the volcano gods have been fighting the Glacier Gods since the beginning of time. At first the volcano gods were winning in this eternal war, but eventually the Glacier Gods made an alliance with the Lightning Gods, and created life. Hence the Glacier Gods are also the Gods of life. And for the last few billion years, they have been winning. Occasionally the Volcano Gods struck back, but for the most part they have been held back. But the Glacier Gods feel forgotten, and as everyone knows, you only have power over the those who believe in you. Therefore during this last exhalation, they haven't been able to defend themselves as well as they should have, and the volcano gods began to warm up the atmosphere at a greater rate, while also making the Glacier gods have trouble inhaling. It also seems that the volcano gods have made an alliance with the earth gods, in a combine effort to destroy all life on Earth. That is what accounts for the increase of earthquakes this year. Neither the Earth gods, nor the Volcano Gods, like the Glacier God's creation, life. So they want to destroy it. Now in order to save the world, we need to renew the Glacier Gods' power. To do this, we must feed the Greatest of the Gods. What the gods need fed to them are the Hearts of young, pretty, female, virgins, taken from their living flesh with an ice knife, under the full moon, on the Head of the God's palace, on top of an alter made of the bones of the most sacred animals: mountain goats, klipspringers, yaks, and trilobites. While I have been constructing these altars for the last few hundred years, I need volunteers to be sacrificed. They must volunteer themselves and be a willing sacrifice. Under no circumstances must they have any doubts about doing this, or that it is right. If you happen to fulfill the requirements (under the age of eighteen, pretty, virgin, female, willing, and believing in the Glacier Gods) then please contact me). You will go down in history as a true hero for humanity.



In other news, the festival of fools lasts until April 13.