Announcements

The UZGNS would like to remind everyone that photographs of the captured rainbows are forbidden due to their sensitivity to light. The induction of Olaf Thorson as the Governor of Silver Plats will be held at noon on Friday. Be there or be a regular quadrilateral. Magic testing will begin for all citizens over 8 years old on August 15th. You must sign up for some time between then and September 21st. Also, Harry Potter is currently forbidden. A new correct translation will be provided soon. Finally the Wise Guy has some words for us. They are: Bio mechanical Engineering of the spleen can be painful if performed by an unlicensed surgeon.

Jätte

The Jätte, or Giants, are a group of spirits that are the physical manifestations of the emotions anger and hatred. They are create when one of these emotions is being abused in a high magic area. From there Jätte can reproduce like a human. There are many types of Jätte, created by differences in the intensity of the mother emotion and the form of magic that creates it. The types of Jätte are, Frost Jätte, Mountain Jätte, Fire Jätte and Titans. Mountain Jätte are your generic giant, large (approx 25 feet high with a ratio of height to body size like a normal human) and hairy. Frost Jätte are much shorter (averaging 15 feet tall) and less hairy. Frost Jätte are known for their ability to breathe icy winds and freeze things in ice by touching them. Fire Jätte are about the size of Frost Jätte and have no hair, their bodies being covered in flame. The flames one their head might look like hair though. Fire Jätte can breathe fire and throw fire balls. Titans are the largest of the Jätte. They grow up to about thirty feet high. They are as black as midnight and have broad shoulders and no hair but a lightning yellow beard and tall lightning yellow Japanese anime looking spiky hair. Titans are masters of electricity and are very tough enemies. They are not from the demon world. The titan Gerolf, despite popular belief is not from the demon world, never went to the demon world, and did not defeat me. I just let that idiot Union Leader fight him to see what he was made of. Jätte be killed with conventional killing means, like humans. Except for the fact that Fire Jätte cannot be burned, Frost Jätte cannot be frozen and Titans can no be electrocuted. Bashing the Skull of a Jätte in has been proven effective though by my Friend XXXXXXXXXXXX Ferdirend, called Þórr in the old legends. Other effective measures include decapitation and poker. Jätte are very prideful and often commit suicide after losing large sums of money to games of chance. Despite the fact that hatred and anger are becoming more common then ever in our world the Jätte population is decreasing because magic is becoming more and more rare in our world. But explanations of magic are to come later. Jättes are said still to be found in Yellowstone, Alaska, Hawai'i, the Himalayas and other remote areas like that. No Titans have been reported in 700 years, since the death of the last Wizard. Next up: Semi- Turcks, ferocious man eating beasts also known as Jassinarries.

The Ubernational Zoological Gardens of New Sweden present...

...Rainbows. Here at the Ubernational Zoological Gardens of New Sweden, we have learned how to capture and care for rainbows. For a limited time you can adopt one. At the small cost of €350 you will receive a certificate saying that you have adopted a rainbow, the chance to name your rainbow and the good feeling that you have supported this mind bending ecological effort. As many of you know, the rainbow is a highly endangered organism known for its extreme beauty. Little is known about their biology but thanks to us, and your contributions, more can be known. There are only 20 rainbows to be adopted currently so get yours today. Also Public feedings are at 7:00 and 17:00 o clock daily. Thank you.

Your loving Friend,
Sven Svenson
Head of the Ubernational Zoological Gardens of New Sweden (UZGNS)

Hacking the Net

Nethack is a good analogy of life. Lots of people try to seek the impossible and just when they think they are doing well, they are brutally murdered, while helpless. It also tells you that the moon matters. For instance today I had my best character ever (a dwarven Valkyrie) and I went about half way past minetown and then back up. In Minetown there was a chickatrice (baby cockatrice). I didn't want to meele it so it took forever to kill it with a single thrown dagger. But I killed it and got cocky. I went back up the the Dungeon of Doom and started to look for the oracle. On level 8 I opened a door and was mobbed by Wargs. I killed them all and without realising it I also killed a cockatrice and escaped unharmed. That made me even more cocky. Then later on that level i met another cockatrice. I killed it but it stoned me. Since it was the new moon and I didn't have a lizard corpse the cockatrice had a 100% chance of killing me when it hissed. I was stoned. It sucked. Ecspecialy since the oracle was most likely on that level or the one under me. Now I have shared my grief.

Whats my excuse this time...

I am back from a long campaign to bring you good news. The army of New Sweden has captured Västerbotten County and has made it New Sweden's first province now to be known as Silver Plats. The Campaign went well and we met little resistance. Until a governor is chosen I will act as the governor. Thank you and have a nice day.

The Hidden Meanings of Pixar Movies

There are many hidden meanings in Pixar films. Let us begin at the first film and continue on from there.
Toy Story- This film is about genetic engineering. Evidence of this comes from many things. First of all the toy soldiers have feet messed up from genetic engineering. And later in the film it becomes well, obvious, when the story moves into the mad scientist's lab.
A Bugs' Life- This is about animal mistreatment in circus's. See the Rhino serous beetle is represents an abused elephant. This film also contains some anti work, pro slacking propaganda.
Toy Story 2- This story is about the negative consequences of greed. Due to the Fat guy stealing Woody (in greed), many cars are destroyed, infrastructure is ruined and eventually valuable merchandise is ruined.
Monsters INC- Is about farming, or more specifiably hunter gathering. See you can either gather in small amounts, requiring much work, but keeping the source usable, or breaking some rules and gather in environmental unfriendly ways. But in the process you destroy the source. It also brings up the creation of artificial protein bars in laboratories.
Finding Nemo- Simply is a very controversial film. See its hidden meaning is child labor. In it a little kids, after being kidnapped is forced to destroy important infrastructure, almost resulting in his death, like a sucide bomber.
The Incredibles- The Incredibles is about government sponsered discrimination. I am too lazy to explain it buts its pretty obvious.
Cars- Cars is about the evils of global corporations. See a company wants to dirty up the environment with its car races. Because of these races, peace is disturbed in small comunities and ugly cars get the attention.
Ratatouille- This films hidden meaning is the suckiness of the french military, and france in General. See the old lady couldn't even kill a rat, yet she did better than 99.5% of the French Army. And Linguini is the stereotypical frenchman, sucking at life and thinking that he is all that, even though in the corner the rest of teh world is laughing its head off.
WALL-E: Walle is about AI malfunctionings in robots, causing mass destrucation. This seems to be a common theme in scienece fiction. Pixar really needs to rethink its hidden meanings. Get original.
UP- havent seen, don't care. Has to do with the subprime mortage bubble burst, i think.

Predictions (using wikipedia as a source)

Toy Story 3- Greek Life (Fraternities)
Cars 2- No idea. Possibly tropical diseases. Or communism.
The Bear and the Bow- Teenage Rebellion. Literaly Teenagers rebelling against the government. In scotland. So there is a wee chance that they speak like this.
Newt- Prostitution. Need I say more. The plot summary on wikipedia says the main characters are forced to mate. I thought Disney had some morals.

Ten signs that you need to rethink your life.

1. Your imaginary Friend ignores you
2. When you and your friends go camping during a thunder storm you are the one who gets to carry the poles.
3. The bank foreclosed your cardboard box.
4. You owe your dog money.
5. The three things you are told the most are 'wake up',' go to bed', and 'its only a flesh wound'.
6. You are a wanna be nerd.
7. When you read a fortune cookie it says 'there is a rope around your neck in the near future' and you lucky numbers are 666, 13 and π.
8. If you think its fun to spend your Saturday night playing mahjong with 80 year old ladies.
9. Your favorite pastime is breaking wind.
10. A nightlight is your only friend.

I hate Lawn Care

Well, my lawn mower. He was Norwegian, so I knew I couldn't trust him. Claimed I was endangering his health. I don't know what he was talking about. DDT, Parathion and other pesticides have never hurt anyone. Not even a fly. So he quit and guess who had to mow the massive palace lawn when he left. ME!!!!!!!! Well the lawn is a few acres and all we had was a push gas mower dating from 1823 (exaggeration), a reel mower that was even older and a scythe. Of course the gas mower was broken and only had three wheels and the reel mower hadn't be oiled since the Nazi's invaded Norway. So naturally I used the scythe. I little while later I was bored. So I am turning about 3 acres into a Safari Park, so that I have excuse for really long grass. Bye.

More Annoyances for Hawiru

ᛁ ᚺᚨᛏᛖ᛫ᛒᛖᛖᛜ᛫ᚾᛁᛊᛖ᛫ᛏᛟᛟ᛫ᛗᛖ᛫ᛖᚾᛖᛗᛖᛖᛊ᛬ It has been so long since I have written in the Elder Fuþark. More Carvings to come. Thanks for reading. By the way I wrote that using a keyboard I made myself.

Leonardo Da Vinci was a liar

Many people say that Leonardo Da Vinci was a genius and a fabulous artist.  Well I knew him and can tell you he isn't.  See there was a Swede by the name Sven Olafsson who happened to be in Italy for some reason.  Well Leonardo Da Vinci, a common thief saw him and all his stuff.  So Da Vinci thought, you know if I kill this guy and steal his stuff then I can pretend to be him and become rich and famous.  So Da Vinci killed Sven and took his briefcase.  For the next few decades Da Vinci slowly leaked out Sven's work, pretending it was his.  But all of Sven's inventions worked.  The reason Da Vinci's inventions didn't work because he spilled wine on them and messed up the diagrams.  Plus Everyone knows that Mongolia had ornithopter for hundreds of years before Leonardo Da Vinci claimed to invent them and that Francis Bacon brought the Idea into Europe.  And the Romans used tanks in their conquest.  Just all this history was rewritten in the Renaissance to make the Western Europeans look better.