Announcements 10/27/09

His Majesty's the Royal Supreme High Lord Sir Justice Mythos Wyrm University's Fighting Berserkers have a Demon Ball game on Friday at 7:30 Pm. It is the first game of the Season, so be there or you will be missing out on a lot of fun. The wise guy will be having a lecture called "How to Climb the Mount Everest of our life, or Get a baseball glove and be prepared to shoot a twenty-two," on Thursday October 29th, from Noon until 5:00 PM, at the Robert Ward Auditorium. It will be very interesting and all people are invited to attend, especially if you have a special invitation. Thats all for now.

The Nobel Peace Prize

Barack Obama should not have received the 2009 Nobel peace prize. He has done absolutely nothing to deserve the peace prize. In fact I, Lord Justice Mythos Wyrm, deserved more than him. And I am just a crazy old warmonger. The only reason Obama got the peace prize is because he is overly loved by those extremely neurotic mainstream Europeans. Meaning Western Europeans, especially from the Northern Countries. The fact that Obama got the peace prize over some one else that actually did something for peace, like Brad Pitt, is completely atrocious and should be a horrible thought to any true-minded Homo Sapiens, or Homo Neanderthalensis. Brad Pitt is more qualified for the Nobel Prize than Obama (have to find a good reason for this though). All this shows is that Obama can suck up to Norwegians, which isn’t actually that hard in all actuality. The lack of thought being put into the Nobel prizes reveals other problems about the prizes. For instance, they are awarded in Oslo, which is a Norwegian city, yet the monetary prize is Swedish Krona. And the prize is Swedish, yet it is given out in Norway. The Swedes and Norwegians should not be cooperating. Everyone knows that. Doesn’t the Nobel Prize Association know the prophecy? All New Swedish citizens are required to memorize the prophecy, and know that Norwegians and Swedes are never to mix. The idea of Swedes and Norwegians being together makes up the entire fourteenth verse of the prophecy, yet they are getting along just fine. These maniacs are trying to ruin the world. Why don’t they understand the predicament that they are mercilessly pulling the world into? Especially because they also fulfilled the twenty-ninth verse of the prophecy by giving Obama the peace prize this year. These people need to realize their massive mistakes and fix them before the prophecy is fulfilled and life as almost everyone knows it ends. Returning to the peace prize issue, I just realized that I should get the peace prize for a variety of things, including revealing the problems being created by the prize itself. But of course, I would have to impolitely refuse the prize, lest I would become a hypocrite and hopefully my refusal will spark a Swedo-Norwegian (not Pseudo-Norwegian) war. I give many thanks to you if you managed to read through, understand and stomach my overly
long and tedious rant.

In reposnse

The last post was a response to complaints we had from PETA over them not being able to read our message to them. So we simplified our message. Hopefully they could understand that. FYI, the original message was:

In response to your unfounded criticisms of our wondrously effective bureaucratic government system, we, the anti slanderous propaganda subcommittee of the committee of propaganda, in the congress of press, in the department of law enforcement, in the council of defense, have a few words to say to you. We wish for you to cease any libelous propaganda against the government, and resists any feeling to publish the horrendous and astronomically falsified advertisements the opposes the wonderful and unbelievably omnipotent administration in control of this civilization. Any Failure to heed the previously stated announcement, by a member of your terrorist organization will be revealed to the general populace of our civilization through the mourning of your loved ones following extended disappearances to incomprehensible government interment facilities.

Surprsing they couldn't understand it, eh?

A re-written note to PETA.

Hate you. We do. You die. Not us. Just you. You die. Happy us. not you. Ha Ha.

'Ello

Man this has been a busy few months. First of all my absence was for magic testing. We have reached great heights in identifying people with magical talent. Secondly I was helping edit the Harry Potter novels. They will soon be unbanned in their premium version. Thirdly there was some conferences i needed to attend. You know boring stuff like that. But I am proud to announce that the First Term of His Majesty's the Royal Supreme High Lord Sir Justice Mythos Wyrm University has begun. I wish our incoming students much luck, especially the ones who are there for the magic classes. See you soon. Oh as a final note: HMRSHLSJMWU is pronounced as (non ipa) Hemur-Shils-Jem-Woo.

Announcements

The UZGNS would like to remind everyone that photographs of the captured rainbows are forbidden due to their sensitivity to light. The induction of Olaf Thorson as the Governor of Silver Plats will be held at noon on Friday. Be there or be a regular quadrilateral. Magic testing will begin for all citizens over 8 years old on August 15th. You must sign up for some time between then and September 21st. Also, Harry Potter is currently forbidden. A new correct translation will be provided soon. Finally the Wise Guy has some words for us. They are: Bio mechanical Engineering of the spleen can be painful if performed by an unlicensed surgeon.

Jätte

The Jätte, or Giants, are a group of spirits that are the physical manifestations of the emotions anger and hatred. They are create when one of these emotions is being abused in a high magic area. From there Jätte can reproduce like a human. There are many types of Jätte, created by differences in the intensity of the mother emotion and the form of magic that creates it. The types of Jätte are, Frost Jätte, Mountain Jätte, Fire Jätte and Titans. Mountain Jätte are your generic giant, large (approx 25 feet high with a ratio of height to body size like a normal human) and hairy. Frost Jätte are much shorter (averaging 15 feet tall) and less hairy. Frost Jätte are known for their ability to breathe icy winds and freeze things in ice by touching them. Fire Jätte are about the size of Frost Jätte and have no hair, their bodies being covered in flame. The flames one their head might look like hair though. Fire Jätte can breathe fire and throw fire balls. Titans are the largest of the Jätte. They grow up to about thirty feet high. They are as black as midnight and have broad shoulders and no hair but a lightning yellow beard and tall lightning yellow Japanese anime looking spiky hair. Titans are masters of electricity and are very tough enemies. They are not from the demon world. The titan Gerolf, despite popular belief is not from the demon world, never went to the demon world, and did not defeat me. I just let that idiot Union Leader fight him to see what he was made of. Jätte be killed with conventional killing means, like humans. Except for the fact that Fire Jätte cannot be burned, Frost Jätte cannot be frozen and Titans can no be electrocuted. Bashing the Skull of a Jätte in has been proven effective though by my Friend XXXXXXXXXXXX Ferdirend, called Þórr in the old legends. Other effective measures include decapitation and poker. Jätte are very prideful and often commit suicide after losing large sums of money to games of chance. Despite the fact that hatred and anger are becoming more common then ever in our world the Jätte population is decreasing because magic is becoming more and more rare in our world. But explanations of magic are to come later. Jättes are said still to be found in Yellowstone, Alaska, Hawai'i, the Himalayas and other remote areas like that. No Titans have been reported in 700 years, since the death of the last Wizard. Next up: Semi- Turcks, ferocious man eating beasts also known as Jassinarries.

The Ubernational Zoological Gardens of New Sweden present...

...Rainbows. Here at the Ubernational Zoological Gardens of New Sweden, we have learned how to capture and care for rainbows. For a limited time you can adopt one. At the small cost of €350 you will receive a certificate saying that you have adopted a rainbow, the chance to name your rainbow and the good feeling that you have supported this mind bending ecological effort. As many of you know, the rainbow is a highly endangered organism known for its extreme beauty. Little is known about their biology but thanks to us, and your contributions, more can be known. There are only 20 rainbows to be adopted currently so get yours today. Also Public feedings are at 7:00 and 17:00 o clock daily. Thank you.

Your loving Friend,
Sven Svenson
Head of the Ubernational Zoological Gardens of New Sweden (UZGNS)

Hacking the Net

Nethack is a good analogy of life. Lots of people try to seek the impossible and just when they think they are doing well, they are brutally murdered, while helpless. It also tells you that the moon matters. For instance today I had my best character ever (a dwarven Valkyrie) and I went about half way past minetown and then back up. In Minetown there was a chickatrice (baby cockatrice). I didn't want to meele it so it took forever to kill it with a single thrown dagger. But I killed it and got cocky. I went back up the the Dungeon of Doom and started to look for the oracle. On level 8 I opened a door and was mobbed by Wargs. I killed them all and without realising it I also killed a cockatrice and escaped unharmed. That made me even more cocky. Then later on that level i met another cockatrice. I killed it but it stoned me. Since it was the new moon and I didn't have a lizard corpse the cockatrice had a 100% chance of killing me when it hissed. I was stoned. It sucked. Ecspecialy since the oracle was most likely on that level or the one under me. Now I have shared my grief.

Whats my excuse this time...

I am back from a long campaign to bring you good news. The army of New Sweden has captured Västerbotten County and has made it New Sweden's first province now to be known as Silver Plats. The Campaign went well and we met little resistance. Until a governor is chosen I will act as the governor. Thank you and have a nice day.