Wanted: The Kupkake Killer

Yesterday at 1:00 PM Brazilian Standard Time, during a speech given by the Grand Dude of Kupkake, a crazed man ran into the auditorium with an assault rifle and shot 17 people, set off a bomb and did the chicken dance before escaping. 12 of the 17 people shot were killed and the other five that were shot are in critical status. Of the other casualties 14 died from the bomb blast and another 23 are injured and 1 person died from the complete inability of the killer being able to do the chicken dance. Translation 1 person died because the killer couldn't dance. Total casulties 27 dead, 28 injured. The killer is still at large. If you see a man that looks like this ---------------------------->
please report him to the department of Kupkakian Defence.


Kupkake is a country populated mainly by hippies. Its capital city is Kookie, a large city on the Atlantic ocean. The country is located near Rio de Janeirio. More information when I have time.

The Rights of a Minor

A few days ago an anonymous American teenager wrote to us explaining how New Sweden was a Minor's dream, a place where children where children have equal rights. He told of how in America, parents do not have to disclose important information about their (the parents) past lives, the food they are forced to eat, why the governments is so corrupt ect. He gave praise to New Sweden for laws like the compulsory information act, which forces parents to answer any questions asked by their children, or be sent to court and the fact that you can vote once you turn 13. It was a letter full a praise and we understood his hardship. We wish we could help him but we don't have the ability to because the parents have more rights then the minors, unlike in New Sweden. Still we wish him thanks for his letter.

न्यू स्वीडन सुप्पोर्ट्स थे सेव थे बिल्बिएस फंड। प्लेअस्से दोनाते टुडे.

1/13/08

थिस इस कूल यू क्नो। आईटी रेअल्ली इस। यू शौल्ड तरी आईटी सोमेतिमे। मुफ्फ्फिन न्यूज़ दोएसं'टी क्नो हाउ तो दो थिस। हा हा हा।

NEWS

This is weird. Okay its back to normal sorry. Now for the news. Today at 9:36 am the Purple Commandos (as they're called) protested at an animal shelter run by PETA. They put up signs saying things like "PETA PROMOTES GLOBAL WARMING" or "BE DRUNK, BE PETA". Nobody was hurt but PETA swears revenge for one of their test tube monkeys was released into the Wild. I know this is boring news but nothing has really happened. Maybe some other time.

Signing out.

Happy New Year 1/08/08 :Þ

We were back. Our writer's were on a strike since during the Swedish Fish Festival they were on clean up duty. They probably got 15 hours of sleep total during the run festival. The Norwegians we hired to clean up the grounds still haven't showed up.

NEWS

After some delay... We present to you the CARNIVAL REPORT. On day 2 we had our military parade!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! We showed our service men's new uniforms: Yellow and Purple Camouflage. Swedish fish was thrown into the crowd and the little kiddies went wild!!!!!!!!! Plus one lucky person found the Yellow and Purple fish. They traded it for a years supply of SWEDISH FISH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Day three came the FEAST OF A CENTURY!!!!!!!!!! This feast had köttbullar, Blodpudding, gravad lax, Kåldolmar, Raggmunk, and more. For desert we eat Napoleonbakelse, Ostkaka, Smulpaj, Smördegspaj and SWEDISH FISH!!!!!!!!!! The rest of the days had contests food, plays , etc but are not with mentioning. Ont he final day we had the awards ceremony. That concludes our report on the festival.

More News

On Monday December 31, 2007 in Chardon, Geuaga, Ohio (neutral territory in the East side- West side war) the two sides in this great war named their allies, sometimes without their allies consent.

West side's allies- the Federation of international polo; All member states of the EU but Luxembourg, Finland and Spain; New Jersey; South Africa; Canada; Fiji; the Republican Party; all hippies in Florida; Arnold Schwarzenegger; Sudan's government.

East side's allies- Zimbabwe; New Sweden (YEAH!!!!!!!!!!); Luxembourg and Iceland; Senegal; Mexico; all non-hippies in Florida; Venezuela; Colombia; Mongolia; Dafur; all reindeer in Finland; Lestho; Ghana; Alexander Hamlton.

COMING SOON TO A COMPUTER NEAR YOU...

THE ENCYCLOPEDIA OF NEW SWEDEN

12/20/07 :Þ

"Autocracy is great... when you are the autocrat."
-The wise Guy's Mouth

Also the title's date will know be the date in Sweden when it has this symbol in title :Þ

News

Yesterday (Tuesday) the first annual New Swedish Empire Swedish Fish Festival took place, the first day of ten. The events began promptly at 8:15 AM (Stockholm Time) and it ended at 11:15 PM. Please forgive us for having this article coming out so late, but it was reporting staff's duty to clean up the fairgrounds before reporting on this fun-event. It began with an awesome speech by his Majesty, Lord Mythos Wyrm. Then the fun and games began. At noon exactly the Mile-swim the Fish began, where contestants would have to swim one nautical mile in lake covered with Candy fish!!!!!!!!! The winner was Karl Gustaf. Congratulations Stefan. Also there was the Swedish Fish Artillery shoot, an event were people build cannons out of cardboard tubes and other materials, fill them with gun powder and attempt to launch there Swedish fish (filled with a motion tracking device) the farthest. The winner has not been announced yet. There were many other events full of action, too many to be named. Check out next time for the rundown of the festival, and don't miss tomorrow's parade. You will finally be able to see the general military uniform. It might be Surprising. Until next time.

Battle No1 12/12/07

!

Battle Report No1

Today a sneak attack on the West Side's food supply center, The West Side Market, resulted in 153 deaths, 279 critical situations, 412 stable situations, and 19 evaluated and discharged (total for both sides). It started today at 12:36 AM when a group of East Cleveland soldiers attempted to steal supplies in order to starve the West siders. The fight started when the soldiers were seen. The resulting battle was full of food fights and chaos. The rundown of casualties per side is: East Side- 67 deaths, 14 critical situations, 206 stable situations, 19 evaluated and discharged. You can find out yourself about how many West side casualties there were. East side was declared the winner. Territories won: West side market. Outstanding performance given by the east sider known as The Machete who killed 20 people and seriously injured another 106 people of which three were his own troops.

Congratulations East siders. Gold Medal!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THE WAR BEGINS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 12/10/07

Today we remember King Tootsie Roll. May he rest in peace. His death was caused when he was set of fire and thrown into the Cuyahoga River by one of the commandos. He will not be forgotten. His funeral will be on December 21, 2007 at the White House.

NEWS

When the Cuyahoga River was set on fire in the 60s hippies were MAD!!!!!!!!!!! And today the Snobbish west siders are VERY MAD!!!!!!!!!! :Þ At Noon today the West siders declared war against the east siders through biased views that the east siders want to lower their ever so precious home value through destruction of the pristine area around the Cuyahoga River. More news on the Westside-Eastside War to follow as battles happen.

A PLEDGE OF ALLEGIANCE

Boycott The Muffin News. It believes that the Wyrm News is worse than it. This is not true. The Wyrm News is the best!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So pledge your Allegiance To Wyrms, Candy Fish, Dictators, and Demonball by commenting (your allegiance) on this post.

AWESOME SONG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Go to this website to hear an awesome song. This song will be the Imperial Anthem Of New Sweden. Here it is www.smashbros.com/en_us/music/music11.html Listen to this. It is cool.

IMPORTANT!!!!!!!!!!!! 12/1

PANIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! CHAOS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! CANDYNAPPINGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

IMPORTANT NEWS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Today in Denver, Colorado (stop 5 of 27) the King of Candy was kidnapped by commandos, ninjas, mountain lion riders, chemists, and engineers. Mr. Roll was giving a motivational speech to sweets in Denver as part of his journey to the University Heights City Hall. Nobody is sure on how many kidnappers there were but estimates say that there were 13 commandos, 7 ninjas, 3 mountain lion riders, 2 chemists and 2 engineers. Witnesses claim that the attack was carried in an operation that was carried out like this:

1. Ninjas, hidden in various high places (balconies for example), through use of special bo-shuriken made by the engineers knocked out Mr. Candy's bodyguards.
   
2. The doors were broken down and in came commandos in purple and yellow camouflage with mountain lion riders.


3. They captured King and rushed out side before police came.


4. Nobody knows how the chemists were involved.

If You have seen this Tootsie Roll please contact Mayor Rothschild.

11/26/07

HI

NEWS

Today at 8:00 AM the Commander Guy George "Dubya" Bush gave a moving speech about how for 4 score and 7 years we have oppressed candy and how we must, as a nation, force Congress to pass a Candy Bill of Rights to save these poor confectioneries. Comeback Kid Bill Clinton rudely yelled at Dubya calling him a stupid Hippocratic oaf who likes to kill candy every night. George replied, "Your MOM." The resulting fight lasted 23 minutes, until the Secret Service intervened, pulling Teflon Bill off of the Velcro President. At the time of writing William Clinton was being held at Guantanamo Bay. At promptly 9:00 AM nine howitzers and a twelve-gauge were fired into the crowd. The ambassador of Japan and an undisclosed amount of citizens are in the extensive care unit of the Walter Reed Army Medical Center for serious injuries. After this salute the Candy Caravan, the Envoy of the King of the Sweets Empire, left Washington on a long trek to 2300 Warrensville Center Road, University Heights, Ohio for the stolen Candy to be returned to Mayor Rothschild.

Until Next time

11/22/07

Sorry about the wait. There was no news.

NEWS

Yesterday the Supreme Court closed the Tootsie Roll vs FBI case. The outcome. In favor of the tootsie roll. The Tootsie roll when hearing this was so happy he talked, giving him the world record for most words said by a tootsie roll (2). The candy is being shipped back to Mayor Rothschild in 14 armoured cars, with an escort of 24 tanks, 31 military hummers, and 3 gun ships. The envoy is set to begin their journey on Monday.

More News

Macy's Thanksgiving parade was ruined when terrorists shot down Santa. It caused mass pandemonium's resulting in gun shots and injury. At least 167 people are reported dead and 319 people are severely injured. More info to follow.

Words from the wise guy's mouth

"Boycott Macy's. If you don't you support terrorism"

More later.