Self Help Book- Chapter 2

Chapter 2- I ran away from an Oppressive dictatorship, and now live in a Ghetto without speaking the language.

Wow, you commie. There is no such thing as an oppressive dictatorship, only oppressed subjects. You can not be oppressed if you don't let yourself become oppressed. The reason that you have problems is because you fall in class 2, people who think they have problems but don't because they live in a fantasy world. You have no legitimate problem, so we will address no answer. Now get back to your fatherland and make yourself useful.

Self Help Book- Introduction and Chapter 1

I keep on receiving letters from people telling me that I should help the world and publish a self help book. Well I decided to do that and now for a limited time only, you can read it before it is published, or even sent to the Publishers!!!! Ready for it. Here it is.

Get a Life:
Why you should help your self instead on relying on others, you whining pig!!!!!!!

Introduction

You might be wondering why I, An awesome demon-slayer, benevolent dictator, linguist, and Professor of Demonology at His Majesty's the Royal Supreme High Lord Sir Justice Mythos Wyrm University, would be concerning myself with you pitiful mortals and writing a book to solve your problems. Well they answer is I am tired of you asking for my help. So I am writing something that will end my problems once an for all. It is broken into three parts: Why you have problems; Why you aren't solving them; and How to solve them. Now let us start.

Part 1- Why you have problems

Chapter 1- I live in my mom's basement and am ranked #1 in Halo 3 online

Good job looser. Now get a life. See you fall under the first category of the people with problems, you are slothful and want people to solve your easily correctable problems. Well why should we solve your problems. See the reason you have problems is because you secretly want to have problems. You cause them yourself so that people will feel sorry for you. Guess what, they don't. We see you, laugh and then play Parcheesi. We don't feel sorry for you. Get out of the basement, breathe in some fresh air and join the marines, you don't have any real problems. And I will kill you one of these days!!!!!!! HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!

What is the Hardest Language to learn?

What a wonderful question. As someone who can speak more than 83 human languages, 7 demon languages, 2 elven languages, a dwarven language, and Esperanto, I must say that all languages are easy. The hardest are definitely Demon languages, because they have a different mouth than us, and humans can't pronounce some sounds in it. This sound is known as the voiceless lateral epiglottal trill. I just fake it with an epiglottal trill and some luck. There are some other sounds too, but they aren't nearly as needed or hard. Elven does have multiple tones (at once) and has way too many vowels, but it is possible. The only language that I have tried to learn and can't is Kwhúúmish. And it isn't actually that hard of a language. It only has three vowels (i, u, a) with 7 tones (high, mid, low, lower, high rising, low falling, and mid-low-high) and the vowels being contrasted by length, nasalization, glottalizaiton, pharlengization, and other things. And it only has about six stops (p, t, d[retroflex], c, k, q +') that are contrasted by length, labialization, aspiration, palatalization, pharlengizaiton, and more. THere are no nasals, and only 2 approximants. I just don't know why I cant learn it. Until later...
Mythos Wyrm.










And yes I can speak french, I just choose not to.

Ask a Demon Slayer #1

Here it is. I had so many great questions that it was sad I could choose so few to answer.

Dear Deamon Slayer-
I love you. I love you so much I love you. I cannot think what it is like not to love you. I love you more than Chuck Norris. That is how much I love you.
-Lovestruck

Dear Love Struck-
Get your head out the clouds. I don't even know who you are. So do something useful and join the army. We love our volunteers.

Dear Mythos-
How come you get an e-mail and everything while I am stuck rotting in a hut in the middle of Tibet?
-Crynearg

Dear Crynearg-
Hi. It isn't my fault you drew the Popsicle stick that said- Middle of the Himalayas. It was luck. You are better off than Annawyn- she is stuck in Canada. Man it sucks to be her. Also don't use our true names in public letters. It changed them when I saw what you did but be careful.

Dear Demon-Slayer-
Can I have your autograph?
-A cool dude like you
Dear Fat guy like Titan-Slayer-
Sure. I have autograph sessions at my palace every full moon from 6-9Pm. See you there.

Dear Demon Slayer-
I have a proposition to make. Start using the English mode of Tengwar for all offcial business. It will keep things secret.
-Legolas
Dear Orlando Bloom-
Maybe.

Dear Demon Slayer-
I hate you.
-Froggy
Dear Froggy-
Did you know I eat frog legs for breakfast. They taste good, you should try tsometime.

Dear Demon Slayer-
QWERTYUIOPASDFGHJKLZXCVBNM. HAHHAHA!!!!!!!!
~WRFDS
Dear Idiot-
Quit annoying me. I told you at my last autograph session I do not accept checks for my bribes. A little cash is fine though.

Dear Ugly Butt-
You are under arrest for terrorism. We have troops surrounding your palace as you read this. You will be brought to justice for your atrocities.
-Barack Obama
Dear He-who-houses-terrorist-sticks-
You aren't president yet. Plus I received this letter last week. You need to learn who to keep up with your threats. Plus what Atrocities have I committed? Was it not endorsing you for the election. Man you want to follow in Bushiee Boy's footsteps. See you at the world leaders barbecue next week.

Man, I need a new way for choosing which letters to answer. Pulling them out of a hat doesn't work. Send in your new letters. Due date will be announced later.

Short story Contest

The Wyrm News Will be having a short story contest. Stories must be shorter than 23,546 pages long and are due by December 1, 2008. Also Due Date for the First sk a Demon Slayer is Friday November 14, 2008. Thanks. And to lighten up your mind abnoput that evil election
Change is Nader in the Office. Vote For Change- The McBama Way
Do You owe your life to Nadar? Probably.

This article was sponserd by the National Mid-Western American Terrorist Farmers Council. We want your money.

Epic 50th: 1/11/08

Today is my epic 50Th post. But will it be epic. We will just have to see. First up:

The letter of the day is Þ. the Þ is used in Icelandic. It is very cool. With it you can spell Þórr. What does that mean. you will have to find out.

The wise Guy is on Vacation. From the Himalayas he says "ஹாய் ய் போல்க்ஸ். இ லைக் த. "

Features:
I sent some spies to various parts of America Yesterday. Some of my spies in Cleveland uncovered the fact that Mayor Beryl E Rothschild has been trying to atone for the trouble that she caused last year. That trouble would be the fact that she stole candy from little kids, created a major supreme court case, caused a civil war, and then a war with Canada. Man she was one busy old lady. But the point is this Halloween my spy's reported that she was handing out candy. Clearly she is trying to get rid of that year old candy she stole last year. Congratulations to her.

Feature 2:
Today we will be starting a new semi common feature: Ask a Demon Slayer. It is an advice Column were readers send me their questions and i answer them. Just post your questions on this post or any Ask a Demon Slayer posts. Or E-mail them to me at my e-mail. you need to ask me for it first.

Feature 3: Disclaimer: This is a rant. If you don't like rants suck it up and take it like a man.

Canada should be spelled Canadia and be pronounced Can-Ay-Dee-Ah, not Can-Ah-Duh. Duh as in it is so stupid it is obvious. Canada should be changed to Canadia because there is a language called Kannada. There are 35 million native speakers of Kannada and only 33 m,illion Canadians. So Kannada gets the name. Also shouldn't inhabitants of Canada be called Canadans (Can-ah-Dins) as in they are a can of dins(n should be replaced with m), because Canada is a can of dim (inhabitants). So start petitioning the Canadian Government to change thier countries name to Canadia. It is better for the World.

Feature 4-
The map does lie sometimes. I tricked it so that it can't find me, New Sweden or any of my computers and other things like that. But It is useful. Like I learned that A man in Kurdistan read my post on Terrorism. I am not sure if that is good or bad. Also I learned if you google: Sweden's opinion on terrorism- The Wyrm News is Number 1. Yes!!

Main Feature: The Epic History of The Wyrm News, New Sweden and All that Matter: Part 1/36+- The Wyrm News Year 1.

The Wyrm News began on November First of 2007. It was started when I, the Benevolent Ruler of New Sweden, Head of the Demon-Slayers, Knight of the Golden Emperor, The Chicken Master of Old Beetrack, Assassin of Arch-Duke Ferdinand, the chief advisor to Alexander the Great, The real killer of Marcus Junius Brutus, Founder of Orban's Great Big Gun Co (c.1449), Great Keeper of the lost records of Pre-Romance Mongolia, etc etc etc. I decided that after ruling New Sweden for about 18 months, that the people needed a state run Newspaper. So I created one. It grew to have music, Pictures, scrolling messages, comments, polls, quotes, maps, more polls, more music, another comment, election reporting, links, flags, geckos, crime reporting, story arcs and more. Our most important story was on the King of Candy. But what should the Wyrm News do for the future. This was The Epic History of The Wyrm News, New Sweden and All that Matter: Part 1/36+- The Wyrm News Year 1. Yes wasn't it epic.

Well look forward to the New Wyrm News Stories. We hope to reach 150 post by this time next year. We want lots of comments, plenty of polls, Ask a Demon Slayer letters, and money. So help us. And apply for an interview sesion. Plus Mythos Wyrm Autographs are only $57.36 so buy one to day.