The Wyrm News

11:11

2011-11-11T11:11:00.000-05:00

Its 11:11 here. Just had to say it. Yeah, I am working on some issue in SA, but will return to New Sweden soon. I need to leave now, so bye.

Its been a while

2011-09-27T22:07:00.000-04:00

Ja, it has been a while since I have been here. However the reason is multifold. Firstly, I have been clearing up some issues in Colombia, but those aren't important. The main reason is that I have been working on my autobiography/memoir thing, in an attempt to share my story to the world. Hopefully I will find some sucker to publish it when I am done, and I will be able to share my story to the world.

I am back, and I have so much to say

2011-05-13T21:12:00.000-04:00

So I have just returned from a little incident in Fúkjatx ot Mlózvkk zvkKlvkjats, and I find that a lot has happened over the last few months. Protests erupted over the Middle East and North Africa, and Libya was invaded. Some pretenders to the throne got married and a terrorist was assassinated while under the protection of a nation that was supposed to hunting him. There was an earthquake in Japan that cause some people to freakout about nuclear meltdowns. And since I am sure that you want me to start commenting about these events and more, I won't. There is something much more important to be talked about and that is the upcoming Sweden vs Finland ice hockey game for the gold medal in the IIHF World Championship. Go Tre Kronor!!!! Beat those Finns back to their sorry wasteland! Döda dem!!!!!!

4th Annual Swedish Fish Festival!

2010-12-24T09:57:00.000-05:00

Well, its that Time of year once again. Yup, its the Swedish Fish festival. It started on the 18th, and the last 6 days have been a blast! However, just because you missed the first half doesn't mean you can't come now, since the festival continues until the 28th!!!! And this year it is completely free!!! Thats right, there are no entrance fees!!! So come over to the Imperial Palace grounds today and have fun at the Swedish Fish festival.

International Elections

2010-12-04T15:41:00.000-05:00

It is time to cast in your ballot and vote me the new Dictator of the world. Voting is only for this month, so you better vote for me. Thank you for voting.

Analysis of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 1

2010-11-27T19:28:00.000-05:00

I recently viewed the movie Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 1. While I usually avoid reviewing movie, I felt that this one deserved a review from my enlightened being.

Overall it was a very awesome movie. Meaning this movie struck awe into me. The awe being fear of how such a large and powerful studio could make such a terrible movie. As some one who demands a ratio of 1 death, maiming or interesting action to every 10 sentences of dialogue, this movie did not meet my expectations. Also I found the movie very unrealistic. A girl of 17 would not be running around forests with teenage boys killing people. She would be in her husband's kitchen, making food and fighting with his other wives. The makers of this movie clearly were making some sort political statement, trying to fight for women's rights. And that ginger clearly doesn't understand his place in society. He is a lowerclass farmboy. He should have realized he would never achieve greatness. This is another offensive political statement I found in this movie. The list of other statement goes on but these were the most important. I must leave now, but overall, just pirate the movie. It isn't worth your money. Plus you will support Singapore's economy by doing this.

Thank you for reading this message.

Hellhounds

2010-11-09T15:30:00.000-05:00

Hello folks. Its me, Greshkhan again. And today I will be teaching about hellhounds. Hellhounds are creatures not of this world, but of the Demon World. They evolved from dire wolves that ended up in the Demon World when our worlds split some few million years ago. As such they are not magic beasts like Jätte. They are just the result of an evolutionary process. Unfortunately for us the world they evolved from is much harsher and more magic filled then ours. As such they are much fiercer, stronger, larger, smarter and more magic resistant then the wolves of our world. They are usually about the size of large wolves or small horses, the largest subspecies can reach the size of large horses. The coat of a hellhound is very magic resistant and it is almost impossible to kill a hellhound with magic. Neither the Demons nor us Humans have managed to tame the hellhound, but the Demonking did manage to magically enhance one, making it larger (it is almost 1000lbs and is in a size proportional to this), smarter (it can speak various languages, including Old Norse), stronger (it is almost impossible to hurt) and fiercer. This hellhound is currently in our headquarters (~~XXXXXXXX~~) and it took much effort to catch it, even resulting in ~~ᛏ(TXX)~~ having his right hand bitten off. But this shouldn't concern you. What should concern you is what to do if you meet a hellhound. To put it simply you better pray that it doesn't notice you, isn't hungry, or is nice. Or else you better have something to fight it with. Your fists won't cut it out, as they can easily bite them off (Ask ᛏ about that), and then they can tackle you and eat you. Having a weapon such as an axe (which is the best weapon by the way), spear or sword will be helpful. Guns are extremely helpful when it comes to killing hellhounds, but arrows may not be enough to kill one, at least initially. Luckily hellhounds usually do manage to wander into our world, and when they do they are usually killed either by us or by commoners who are fed up with the killings of their livestock and families. Famous hellhounds include the Beast of Gévaudan, and Hróðvitnir. Have a good day.

Post Election Analysis Revisited

2010-11-05T21:24:00.003-04:00

So I was re-reading my post election analysis from November 2008, and realized I got a lot of things wrong. For one, all the fascists stayed in America, or moved to France. Secondly I don't think McCain has retired, and I don't think Bush is a motivational speaker. I can't talk about the things that haven't happened yet, like the war with Germany, and I don't know who is running in the next election. Also I said that Obama's approval rating would be in the 50s by the end. Its already below that. He definitely helped ruin the economy though. And while he didn't choose Bin Laden for his Secretary of State, he sure came close.

3rd Anniversary

2010-11-03T22:21:00.004-04:00

So I missed the Wyrm News's Third Anniversary. I am somewhat annoyed by that. In fact I am very annoyed. So I am going to do something special very soon.

Happy Leif Erikson Day

2010-10-09T13:49:00.000-04:00

Time to celebrate one of the many discoverers of America that deserves recognition, not the stupid Christopher Columbus.

Atlantis, Lost Civilizations, and more lies in the truth

2010-10-05T21:12:00.001-04:00

I have heard many stupid things in my long life. Its one of those things that happen when you live for a few thousand years. While the ignorance about Stonehenge is one thing that annoys me, another one is the lies told about Atlantis.

To begin: Atlantis never existed. In our world that it. What it is simply the reflection of the largest city in the Demon World, Ghörhltæqhwihkhåððýfûq (literally Great City of Hothy in Archaic Eastern High Demon), in our world caused by an imbalance of magic between our worlds. When there is a large magical burst of energy there, the city seems to appear in our world, over the corresponding coordinates in our world, and it reflects until the magic dissipates (these magical bursts happen in other places too, but that is another story). This causes problems when people see the reflection and think it is real. And that is how Atlantis came into being. Yes, all the stories you have heard about Atlantis are false.

What about the other "lost continents" you might ask. Here is a rundown. Hyperborea and Thule are just other names for the various islands in the North Sea. Mu is a non existant and just a story. Good Ol' Lumeria suffers the same fate as Mu. Not everything is a lie though. The various ideas of Shambhala, Ergenekon, Shangri-La, and other such places were rooted in fact. This fact was the Morcanian (English transliteration for their culture) civilization.

While I could fill books about the Morcanians, in short they were the humans that interacted the most with the other worlds. They lived in what is now the Steppes of Mongolia and Siberia, arriving there around 42,000 BM (Before Mythos). They spoke a language related to modern Ket. They were herders and lived as nomads. One tribe, whom I will call the Morcanians nomaded themselves into a demon outpost around 30,000 BM. At this point the Demons had not organized themselves into civilizations and were living as tribes. The city of Ghörhltæqhwihkhåððýfûq was only a small farming village at this point and the Great Lord Apocalypse was only beginning his life. This outpost was simply a place were one tribe was watching for its enemies without realizing that they were in the wrong world. To make a long story short, this tribe was kidnapped and kept as hostages for the next 32,000 or so years. When they finally freed themselves and returned to our world (In 2321 JU (In the Year of Our Lord)), they brought with them the mystical bone of Terror and a dialect of the Northwestern Low Afrit language. They created two large cities once they returned to our world, both known for being far more advanced than any other. It was these cities that created our idea of an ancient, peaceful, technologically advanced civilization that eventually was destroyed by its pride. But that is another story, for another time.

International Elections, My Nomination

2010-10-05T17:48:00.002-04:00

I am pleased to announce that I have been nominated to be the new dictator of the world. Please vote for me. Thank you.

International Elections Overview

2010-09-11T17:44:00.003-04:00

It has come to attention that many people have not heard of the International Elections before. This is very sad, as they are not using their right to choose who will be mercilessly killing them over the next five year. So here is a general overview.

Every five year there is an international election during the month of December (Gregorian Calendar). During this time people can go over to the nearest electoral agency and vote for their candidate, or they can send in their vote through the mail. Anyone can run for the position of Ruler of the World by write in, but in order to be on the official ballot, you must: be at least 25 months of age; be able to speak English, Mongolian, Russian, and Mandarin Chinese; and have been in at least 35 different countries that are currently recognized by Ethiopia. If you fulfill these requirements, you can send a letter of intent to the International Board of Really-Important Elections (PO Box 56-345, Svalbard City, Svalbard). If your letter arrives before the last board meeting in November (Board meetings are the second Thursday of every month) then your application will be considered, and if approved by a 2/3 majority of the board, and 4/9 of the other attending people, then it will be put on the next ballot. And if you win, you are the head honcho for the next five years (inauguration is at 3:30 AM Greenwich Standard Time, in the Temple of Scarred Souls, on the First Saturday of February. The Reception is held at the nearby Big Cheese Palace).

Hope you vote. Thank you for your attention.

Settling In

2010-09-11T17:31:00.003-04:00

Sorry that it has been so long. I was busy setting up a new base in South America, since its my new post. Don't worry, I am not abandoning New Sweden, rather I am more of building a summer home. New Sweden will stay strong and under my control. In other news; Are you ready to vote for the World Leader in the International Elections? Voting takes place between December 10th and 31st. Make your self heard.

Stonehenge- Not for the Druids

2010-06-22T14:05:00.002-04:00

As the summer solstice comes around again, I think of my life's mission, to fight Demons. Its hard work and you don't really get a break. Sure there hasn't been a major invasion since the sixteen century (in Shaanxi, covered up as an earthquake), but they almost made it back in 1908, and they are still trying even up to today. But how does this relate to the summer solstice. The answer is Stonehenge. (People who showed up to my lecture don't need to continue reading).

Stonehenge is a cap on the weakest link to our world and the demons. So it was here that us Demonslayers decided to create the first seal on the demon world. That, and it was near where our home was. It was always a place where things happened, due to the high amount of magical leakage. The locals, had already started building things there. We demonslayers helped, and when it was done (some 2 million man-hours later, not to mention some women hours) we enacted the seal. Things were good. Then came the invaders. They spoke a funny language, some had red hair, and they were very violent. They realized that Stonehenge was important, but they didn't know why. So they had their druids go there, as they killed off my people. Now 3000 years later, the common people have forgotten about my people, and they seem to think that the Celts built it, and that the druids worshiped there. To make it worse, the modern druids aren't even close to the old druids. Where is the human sacrifice and the other sorts of stuff like that. So now you know why I hate druids. Because they stole stonehenge from me.

King Arthur

2010-06-03T21:04:00.003-04:00

There is something I must admit. In case, you hadn't guessed, I am king Arthur, not John Timothy Rothwell. He is a retarded fraud. Now they have messed the stories up a lot, but overall, it is true. See, I am currently the oldest person from Britain. Which automatically makes me king. Not only that, but I am the king Arthur of Legend. Though my name at the time was Archer Urchin Pentadrakon, I don't know where they made the mistake. The reason I am finally revealing this is because England is almost at its time of Greatest need, in which I am supposed to Return from Avalon (which is actually the now lost city of Del Mokoniriwhe). So this way, somebody can tell me when the greatest need comes, and I can return without constantly watching the news. So remember to tell me and bye.

What did I tell you

2010-04-20T17:26:00.002-04:00

What did I tell you, about volcanoes and Glaciers? Oh yea, I said they are in eternal war. Well guess what happened. Soon after the feast ended, the Great god Cëíme'éča'údpóhkloľľünääkůíjå (Funny (Humorous) little fire island god) or Eyjafjallajökull created massive ash clouds, disrupting air travel, ruining economies (excepting New Zealand), and worse of all, stranding American Tourists in Europe, annoying the European's arrogance. This volcano god happens to be under his eternal enemy Cëínüíčä'údpóhkloľľüčacetëmůnääkůíjå (intelligent little fire island cold god), a glacial god. This god is one holding back Cëíme'éča'údpóhkloľľünääkůíjå from awaking the much more powerful god Cëíme'éčä'údpóhkloľľünääkůíjå (Funny big fire island god), or Katla. If Cëíme'éčä'údpóhkloľľünääkůíjå is awoken, a much bigger and more disruptive explosion will occur. As such I am constructing an altar for Cëínüíčä'údpóhkloľľüčacetëmůnääkůíjå right now, but I need a sacrifice. Don't worry, Cëínüíčä'údpóhkloľľüčacetëmůnääkůíjå is not a demanding god and only wants unicorns. So if you have a spare forest unicorn lying around, I would greatly accept it, as I don't have time to go hunting right now. Thank you. Also, the only very demanding Gods are the most important, who feel they are too important to have to choose their wives with the rest of the gods, and want them as soon as possible.

The truth about the New World Order

2010-04-08T20:15:00.003-04:00

As announced in my previous post, it is time for people to learn the truth, not lies from the government. So in my second installment, I will tell you about the New World Order, and its connections Politics, Catholicism, Freemasons, and Demons.

In short, the New World Order (which will now be called the NWO or nwo) is an organization that is vying to rule the world. While the seeds of its have been planted for centuries, the League of Nations was the first attempt to create. While an utter failure, it proved that such an organization is possible. Then, in a secret meeting between the leaders of the world, in April of 1945, the document was sealed and the NWO was born. Yes, the United Nations is the NWO. But how does everything else fit into this? Well, once the NWO was founded, they realized they needed to infiltrate all parts of society. While scratching their heads, wondering how to do this, they were approached by the Traitor to humanity, Mr Menyasszony A Kutyák. He offered them help, in the form of his organization, the Freemasons, humans dedicated to making the Demons rule once again. The NWO gladly accepted, and began to unfold their plans. While they fought fake wars to try to dispel the truth, the Freemasons took over the Catholic Church. While never gaining any high ranking positions, their use of mind control, demonic rituals let them control in all but name. While some leaders tried to fight back, they were quickly killed off or framed, soon ending resistance. Next the NWO took on the media. By controlling various newspapers and Journal, such as the New York Times, The Wall Street Journal, and The National Inquirer, they thought they had a tight control. But then came TV and Movies. Once again the Freemasons were called, this time to mind control actors, turning them into the slaves of the NWO. Now the NWO is waiting, slowly destroying us and our ideals, making us into one nation. They used the European Union as their test site. It worked to well, until the Valiant Efforts of Greece threatened to destroy it. Now they are trying to keep even that together.

Other people have fought against the NWO too. For example many "rouge states" what to destroy it. I myself have attacked it multiple times, including at the first meeting. While I did disrupt it, I did not count on having to fight hundreds of Royal Mounted Police Men, members of the LAPD, the FBI, and ninjas trained in a monastery in Tibet. I was eventually captured, yet I did escape. Also, a few years ago their was a direct assult on New Sweden and I was captured once again by the NWO. After being tortured I was eventually freed by agents from a country I will not name for its protection.

Now You may be wondering what you can do to help. It is quite simple. Support nations frowned on by the NWO, non-conformists like Iran, North Korea, and Venezuela. Teach your family, friends, coworkers, and dogs about the NWO. Assassinate politicians, Freemasons, Movie Stars, and Other people affiliated with the New World Order. Blow up NWO buildings and ruin their "peacekeeping" operations. Remember, the NWO causes problems so that they can solve them and gain people's respect. So don't give them your respect. Thank you for reading, and have a nice anti-NWO day.

The Festival of Fools ends on April 13.

The Truth about Global Warming

2010-04-05T21:10:00.005-04:00

All this time, the world government has been feeding you lies, in order to hide the fact that the new world order is attempting to fulfill the Prophecy. These things include evolution, global warming, Freemasons, the Knight Templar, the Catholic Church, Gravity, the World being Round, the Earth revolving around the sun, and many other assumed "truths". But these are lies. And it is up to the knowledgeable, such as me, to keep the public informed with the truth. Today I will explain Global Warming.

Global Warming does not exist. Just live with it. Rather, the Glaciers are retreating because the Glacier Gods are exhaling. That is what causes the glacial winds. As the exhale, they become smaller. Soon they will once again inhale, and grow. but they will not grow as large, and will inhale weaker, because of the volcano gods striking while they are weak. See the volcano gods have been fighting the Glacier Gods since the beginning of time. At first the volcano gods were winning in this eternal war, but eventually the Glacier Gods made an alliance with the Lightning Gods, and created life. Hence the Glacier Gods are also the Gods of life. And for the last few billion years, they have been winning. Occasionally the Volcano Gods struck back, but for the most part they have been held back. But the Glacier Gods feel forgotten, and as everyone knows, you only have power over the those who believe in you. Therefore during this last exhalation, they haven't been able to defend themselves as well as they should have, and the volcano gods began to warm up the atmosphere at a greater rate, while also making the Glacier gods have trouble inhaling. It also seems that the volcano gods have made an alliance with the earth gods, in a combine effort to destroy all life on Earth. That is what accounts for the increase of earthquakes this year. Neither the Earth gods, nor the Volcano Gods, like the Glacier God's creation, life. So they want to destroy it. Now in order to save the world, we need to renew the Glacier Gods' power. To do this, we must feed the Greatest of the Gods. What the gods need fed to them are the Hearts of young, pretty, female, virgins, taken from their living flesh with an ice knife, under the full moon, on the Head of the God's palace, on top of an alter made of the bones of the most sacred animals: mountain goats, klipspringers, yaks, and trilobites. While I have been constructing these altars for the last few hundred years, I need volunteers to be sacrificed. They must volunteer themselves and be a willing sacrifice. Under no circumstances must they have any doubts about doing this, or that it is right. If you happen to fulfill the requirements (under the age of eighteen, pretty, virgin, female, willing, and believing in the Glacier Gods) then please contact me). You will go down in history as a true hero for humanity.

In other news, the festival of fools lasts until April 13.

Of Omission: Piece Number One

2010-03-23T15:04:00.003-04:00

There exists multiple forms of English. First there is Old English. It is spoken by the peoples who entered the British Isle. When the Northmen conquered them, French turned into the powerful tongue. Then English returned to its position of power, but with strong french influence. It never would turn into its former, unmolested form. Next, it developed into modern English. Shexpere wrote in Modern English, not Old English. It would be most nice if you did not use the fore-mentioned error when referring to his works. This is the first Of Omission Piece.

Köszönöm for using your eyes to devour this work of much time.

Fun

2010-03-23T14:58:00.005-04:00

You know what. The article I wrote on health care was fun. I think I am going to write more laws for the United States. But some other time. I am also going to create a series called, of omission. It will be random articles and you need to figure out whats special about them. I think I write the first one soon. Good Bye.

Health Care

2010-03-22T21:00:00.004-04:00

In case you didn't hear, the Americans happened to pass a bill recently. I can't remember what it was about, but I think it had something to do with overtaxing people, and bleeding them dry for the sins of a few. I am no quite certain what it is about, but it sounds pretty bad. Like end of the world bad. I need to check the great prophecy though. Never mind. I don't think that it is the Great Prophecy. So it isn't the end of the world. Oh well, its been a while since I have fought Demons. Now onto the main topic. Assuming that the recently passed bill was a Health Care bill, then I will give my version of it. Not The current situation in New Sweden, but my version for America, Canada, Norway and other people I hate. Ahh wait But first, I guess it cold be the end of the world, depending how you interpret verse 12. If Washington is the obelisk, and health care is the lightning, then letting this bill be passed would be a quandary for the country. Except for the fact that Buushkhaneta was very literal and probably meant that lighting would strike an obelisk somewhere. Back on topic. Here is my plan, written in less than 1000 pages.

Health Care for Sucky Countries

1) Doctors cannot be sued for malpractice, but only if they accept a pay limit of an Unspecified amount, and donate at least 6 hours of their skills to charity every month.

2) Barbers are now allowed to let the blood out of their patients. Everyone knows the cure for depression is bleeding out some black bile. Carpenters are now allowed to carry out amputations and surgery.

3) Doctors must now join a guild to create a practice. All doctors must pay back their student loans before they can enter a guild. They must find their own way to get that money, like perhaps working at someone's practice.

4) Insurance companies are now unneeded, as is insurance. If you need money for something medical, you can take a loan from the Gov, which can be payed back either through money or work.

5) No more easy access medicine. If you have a headache, you can either wait in line for days to get one from a government store house, or you can get trepanned by your local shaman.

6) No more unnecessary tests. If something unnecessary and money wasting is done, the person who decided to authorize it will be given 40 lashes by the cat o'nine tails.

8) People can learn to suck up pain. Painkillers will be under so strict control, the pain will be kill be waiting before you get some.

9) The government reserves the right to shoot people in the head if they are felt as unneeded, no questions asked.

10) If all else fails, and spending is too high, we can combine costs and send sick people to fight our wars. That way our health treatment is combined with our war costs.

Lá Joyful Naomh Pádraig

2010-03-17T21:25:00.004-04:00

Seo roinnt Gaeilge bréagach.

Diúltú liom scríobh i nGaeilge fíor.

Ní sin a dhéanamh fiú labhairt faoi mo chuid gramadach lochtach.

Anois, ar an ábhar.

Cén fáth a cheiliúradh rudaí Gaeilge nuair is féidir linn Lochlannaigh a cheiliúradh.

Nuair a bhíonn an lá Naomh Olaf's?

An bhfuil tú fionnaidh a chaitheamh nó a fháil ar do cheann a ghearradh amach le tua cath?

Is é sin mo cineál saoire.

Slán a fhágáil go dtí roinnt dáta níos déanaí.

Mythos Wyrm, who wore fur today.

Self Help Book- Chapter 2

2010-03-16T19:17:00.002-04:00

Chapter 2- I ran away from an Oppressive dictatorship, and now live in a Ghetto without speaking the language.

Wow, you commie. There is no such thing as an oppressive dictatorship, only oppressed subjects. You can not be oppressed if you don't let yourself become oppressed. The reason that you have problems is because you fall in class 2, people who think they have problems but don't because they live in a fantasy world. You have no legitimate problem, so we will address no answer. Now get back to your fatherland and make yourself useful.

Rise of the Anglishmen

2010-03-15T19:28:00.001-04:00

I fraign your forechoice to latin phrases, you daft culver head. It makes you a daft Frenchman, mind you. Even you women are Frenchmen. There is no wherefore to handle those swinksome words. I should kill you and make your kin thralls. Yes, they will find fun in thralldom. No qualm about it. Let the Arne of true Angland slay the speech trusteavers. Yes, that is a great forethink. Once again, Anglish will be Saxon and not Norman. Long live the King!!!!!

Thanks

2010-03-13T11:28:00.003-05:00

I thank all of the people who attended my Lecture. It was awesome, you must say, especially the exploding PETA members. Remember, eating vegetables without meat increases the likelihood of exploding. Finnally thank you Swedish Woman's Olympic Curling team for beating the Canadians at their own game. Even though many, including I, don't think it a real sport, you still won, which is good. See everybody soon.

Poster

2010-02-24T21:47:00.002-05:00

Special Lecture!!!!

2010-02-24T21:23:00.003-05:00

On Saturday, March 5, there will be a Special lecture by his Majesty Justice Mythos Wyrm. It will be called, "Stonehenge: Truth behind the Stones" and will run from 9:30 AM to 7:30 PM. Only losers wont attend. Even though it is primarily about Stonehenge it will cover many other topics that they don't want you to know. It will be a lot of fun, so be there.

Who: Justice Mythos Wyrm
What: A lecture on many things
Where: The Grand Auditorium
When: 9:30-7:30 Saturday March 6, 2010
Why: To inform the public

Official Poster advertisement coming up.

WHAT!!!!!

2010-02-18T16:17:00.001-05:00

HOW DID THE SWEDISH WOMAN'S HOCKEY TEAM LOSE TO CANADA 13-1!!!!!! IT IS ABSURD!!!!!! THIS SHOULD HAVE NEVER HAPPENED. WHY!!!!!

Olympics 2010

2010-02-12T20:02:00.003-05:00

We at new Sweden give our condolences to Nodar Kumaritashvili's family and wish the Georgian Team. We also wish everybody else luck. We wish we could be there, but our skiers were just too good.

Self Help Book- Introduction and Chapter 1

2010-02-12T16:57:00.004-05:00

I keep on receiving letters from people telling me that I should help the world and publish a self help book. Well I decided to do that and now for a limited time only, you can read it before it is published, or even sent to the Publishers!!!! Ready for it. Here it is.

Get a Life:
Why you should help your self instead on relying on others, you whining pig!!!!!!!

Introduction

You might be wondering why I, An awesome demon-slayer, benevolent dictator, linguist, and Professor of Demonology at His Majesty's the Royal Supreme High Lord Sir Justice Mythos Wyrm University, would be concerning myself with you pitiful mortals and writing a book to solve your problems. Well they answer is I am tired of you asking for my help. So I am writing something that will end my problems once an for all. It is broken into three parts: Why you have problems; Why you aren't solving them; and How to solve them. Now let us start.

Part 1- Why you have problems

Chapter 1- I live in my mom's basement and am ranked #1 in Halo 3 online

Good job looser. Now get a life. See you fall under the first category of the people with problems, you are slothful and want people to solve your easily correctable problems. Well why should we solve your problems. See the reason you have problems is because you secretly want to have problems. You cause them yourself so that people will feel sorry for you. Guess what, they don't. We see you, laugh and then play Parcheesi. We don't feel sorry for you. Get out of the basement, breathe in some fresh air and join the marines, you don't have any real problems. And I will kill you one of these days!!!!!!! HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!

Annoucments

2010-02-03T16:54:00.002-05:00

McDonald's are now illegal. Please bomb them if you see one. There will be movie critics training on February 9, at the Big Ol' Theater. Chocolate is leagal until the 18th of February. Have a nice day.

What is the Hardest Language to learn?

2010-02-02T22:40:00.003-05:00

What a wonderful question. As someone who can speak more than 83 human languages, 7 demon languages, 2 elven languages, a dwarven language, and Esperanto, I must say that all languages are easy. The hardest are definitely Demon languages, because they have a different mouth than us, and humans can't pronounce some sounds in it. This sound is known as the voiceless lateral epiglottal trill. I just fake it with an epiglottal trill and some luck. There are some other sounds too, but they aren't nearly as needed or hard. Elven does have multiple tones (at once) and has way too many vowels, but it is possible. The only language that I have tried to learn and can't is Kwhúúmish. And it isn't actually that hard of a language. It only has three vowels (i, u, a) with 7 tones (high, mid, low, lower, high rising, low falling, and mid-low-high) and the vowels being contrasted by length, nasalization, glottalizaiton, pharlengization, and other things. And it only has about six stops (p, t, d[retroflex], c, k, q +') that are contrasted by length, labialization, aspiration, palatalization, pharlengizaiton, and more. THere are no nasals, and only 2 approximants. I just don't know why I cant learn it. Until later...
Mythos Wyrm.

And yes I can speak french, I just choose not to.

Unicorns

2010-01-31T21:17:00.002-05:00

There are two types of Unicorns, the Steppe Unicorn and the Forest Unicorn. There are also their close relatives the Bicorns, and the Quadracorns, but those are a completely different story. And no, tricorns do not exist. Steppe Unicorns are extremely common, living all over Russia, Mongolia, Kazakhstan and other parts of Central Asia. They often are found in herds over five hundred and it is thought there are over two-hundred herds this size. Of course these creatures are not often seen as they can run over forty-five miles per hour over the course of thirty miles and can easily sprint at miles per hour. They also blend in well with the steppe. They have little magical ability and their main purpose for being hunted is for food and for their extremely warm and camouflaged hide. Some people also seek them out for their horns, which are then sold as fake unicorn horns. Forest unicorns contrast greatly. They are rare solitary beasts, larger than a draft horse, and are extremely bad tempered. They have much magical ability and are agile and elusive. Forest Unicorns are found throughout Germany, Switzerland, Austria, and other forested areas in Europe. It is also thought that some where captured and released in British Columbia during the 1700s, and that they is now a sizable population fighting for food with the Sasquatch. The forest Unicorn is white in colour in its natural form, but can change its colour at will. The horn of a forest unicorn is unbreakable, extremely sharp, and capable of cutting diamond. When ground up it acts as a powerful hallucinogen, and in quantities of more than a few grams it can knock out or even kill an adult human. Forest Unicorn blood is highly acidic, and is used as the almost universal solvent, as it can't dissolve gold, and a few other things. Forest unicorn hide is also warm, but has nothing special compared to the steppe unicorn hide. Forest Unicorn hoofs can be turned into an adhesive that is more powerful than almost any type of glue, but at the same time can be easily removed in the proper manner. This makes it useful for climbing up walls. Forest Unicorn bones can be ground up to make a potion that makes to user temporarily fast, but has side effects that include increased heart rate, death, internal bleeding, loss of judgment, insanity, internal necrosis, and a squeaky voice. Forest unicorn tail can be used to make a strong, elasticity rope. Forest unicorn liver tastes really good fried, and their kidneys can cure you of most poisons when eaten (with the side effect of being poisonous themselves). Forest Unicorn bile is a flavor-er and can make anything it touches taste like strawberries, cinnamon and rotting flesh, for weeks at a time. The heart of a forest unicorn can be dried to create a pouch that bounces like a rubber ball and floats in water. Most other parts are useless. In order to hunt a forest unicorn, you must lure it to ca clearing with a human girl, which it eat. As it is eating, you can try to kill it. It has a heightened sense of danger, and will run away at the slightest bit of danger, so having prettier girls is better (to distract them more). If you and your hunting party are extremely good, the girl might even be saved. Please note that hunting forest unicorns is illegal and fines will be imposed on poachers. All forest unicorn products are illegal and non-trade-able. Forest unicorns are very deadly and love snaking on human flesh. With that thank you and have a nice day.

Jelly Voles

2010-01-25T18:02:00.004-05:00

Do you want to eat a jelly vole? They are the next Swedish Fish. Almost as good, but way awesome-er. Buy some today.

The Wise Guy is sick

2010-01-25T17:59:00.002-05:00

Just read the title. He is recovering from Ebola and should be ready to spread his wisdom in a few weeks. Thank you for supporting us and have a nice day

The Wise Corner- #2 Pasta

2010-01-16T23:39:00.002-05:00

Pasta is a good food for you. It has lots of carbohydrates, which are good for you. You should not fear carbohydrates. Pasta also tastes good. There are many ways prepare pasta. Try them all, in every shape. If you eat one pound of pasta a day I assure that by 2013 you will be the strongest person ever. I did that and after twenty years I could wrestle a bear. Then I ate the arch-nemesis of pasta, watermelon. If you never eat watermelon you will be strong.
-Wise Guy

Which do you prefer?

2010-01-11T18:52:00.002-05:00

Dů jů laëk ďú čék vélžún ül ďú ëíntélnét vélžún úv ďëíc cklëípt fół ëňglëíš?

Duuo yuuo laaik dhu tshek uuel dhu intelnet velzhun uv dhic sklipt foll iingglish?

Plëc cómént.

Pliis coment.

Chicken Hunt

2010-01-11T18:21:00.005-05:00

There will be a country wide chicken hunt on Friday January 22. Your goal will to be to catch as many specially marked chickens as possible and bring them to the palace by Tuesday. There will then be a party with lots of fried chicken and fun. Even door prizes. Everybody is invited. Remember, chickens must not be hurt. Nor may other competitors be hurt, but you can steal their chickens. Prizes for the people who bring back the most chickens. All PETA members are invited to attend, but if the competition is interfered with in any way, there will be severe consequences.
You have been warned.

Gůíd Lúk and háv fún, maë évél cü löjół cúbđékc.

Notice:

2010-01-09T22:50:00.002-05:00

Yes it is true that the wise guy is a little weird. But please listen to him. He is very wise you know. And he knows Zulu. Also, there is a demon ball game vs the Vladstockengrad Cossacks next Friday. i would highly recommend that you are there. Finally, there is going to be a public discussion on the prophecy on January 21, at 5:00 PM and running to 9:00 Pm at the Royal Palace.

The Wise Corner- #1 Introduction

2010-01-08T23:16:00.006-05:00

Many of you have problems. Long ago I had problems too. But I fought my problems and became better. I am now ever telling people who to solve their problems. See when I was a young boy, there was no such thing as hippies. Also there was no such thing as video games, and telephones. In fact there was no electricity, or Romans. There was just open plains and nature. It was very fun. Then they came. They were very scary and killed my family. They also burned my village and killed everybody. The only thing left was me and my walking stick. So I left out into the world. I traveled for many years, and then I ran into this man who told me that he was looking for me. But more amazingly he spoke my language. See I thought that I was the only speaker left, for my village was the last stronghold for the Kwhúúm, which were my people. Our lands had been overrun by the Tâp'iiqhí for many years. And this man gave me sage advice. He told me that Even if life comes and kills your family, destroys all you know and makes you a fugitive, you should still become a learner of wisdom. And so that has been my journey. Thank you.

- Yâtjâ Npàmthk'ííqqhàdu
Wise Guy

Ima backa

2010-01-08T22:34:00.003-05:00

I got South America for my assignment. That means that I shouldn't have to do to much over the next decade, hopefully. The rest of the council got: Australia (Sercatha), North America (Greshkhan), Asia (Ferdirend), Africa (Crynearg), and Europe (Annawyn).

Next: Updates for the new year. There will be more letters to the demon-slayers, guest columns, and cool stuff. Also there will be things like language lessons, and possibly games. The wise guy has even offered to write a column every week. Hope you have a good year, or in our orthography (style Czech)- Üp jů óv ä gůíd jęh`. I think. I usually use the normal script. Which is way cooler. But you have to learn both. So in your language- gůíd baę júň pódúwón. Or- Dünt kęíl jůíh`célf, oh` élc jů węíl daę.

A Brief description of the next few days

2010-01-02T19:45:00.002-05:00

I will be gone over the next few days for the Great Demon Slayer Conference. We hold this every ten years at our secret hideout to draw lots and receive new assignments. How it works is each continent (excluding Antarctica) is assigned a straw length. This decade the shortest is Europe, the next is South America, then North America, then Asia, then Africa, then Australia. Then we draw straws according to who got Europe the conference before. Then goes Asia, Australia, Africa, North America, and Finally South America. That means I am going third. I will be gone from the 3rd to the 8th of January. thank you for any inconvenience.

Post 100!!!!!!!!!!!! THE PROPHECY!!!!!

2010-01-01T20:22:00.003-05:00

Well the 100th post ironically is the prophecy. I did not plan this, at all. It just happened. Well here comes the first poetically direct translation to English of the great oracle Buushkhaneta. 100 stanzas, 100 posts. Some words, not some 2385 comments. Get to work readers.

1- This is a speech of death, destruction and doom
of the end of the world and of the things to unfold
If you art scared then leave the room
while the rest of us hear what will happen before the end of the world.

2- In the plains there shalt be two great cities
one on the land and her sister in the sky
but the one in the sky will think it to be witty
and crash down making her sister into a pie.

3- A nation on the lost continent
shall form when it fights its mother
years after word, when its men live in tents,
it shall be the king of the world, and there shall be no other.

4- The ice to the south
shall bleed and die
flooding the rivers mouth
all due to gas in the sky.

5- People will think it funny
to watch little girls get sucked up by tornadoes
and for them to kill witches but not a bunny
and they not throw at the screen tomatoes.

6- Drunkards shalt crown an art student
who went rouge when his art sucked
the will conquer with men in a tent
and at the end he will shoot at head and won't ducked.

7- The first king of the world will
set the land of the sun on fire
yet a later king (not named Phil)
will bow down to the emperor without a lyre.

8- I am Yo.
I like Cats.
Yo's katana.
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA.

9- Winds from the north
shalt mix with the south
and create big storm's worth
of damage in the mouth.

10- Power shalt be gathered
from the biggest to the small
and environmentalists shalt be like catherds
as the Europeans think their renewable energy is great and tall.

11-Roses art red
and Violets are blue.
Yo has a big head
and he kills many, not few.

12- Clouds shall gather
over the obelisk of heavy laundry
lightning shalt the strike matter
sending the empire into a quandary.

13- Simplistic nightmares
the chosen one shalt have,
yet like stray hairs
she shalt fight them away in goodbye wave.

14- The Nord and the Swede
shalt war and control one another
until the day where the result of explosive greed
shalt bring them together.

15- The Earth twist and turns,
the roads and buildings buckle
the Chinaman's city burns
in a land where the animals love a suckle.

16- The misfortunes of others
shalt be laughed at by all
on magic boxes hated by mothers
that are found everywhere, even the mall.

17- An Italian thief
shalt mug and steal
from a traveler from a far fief
and become the greatest genius to eat a meal.

18- The bodies of long dead lizards
will be used to fuel wagons
but as it runs out, not even wizards
can hold back the economic dragons.

19- Me thinks you have what is mine
saith the bald man to the hair footed guy
fight be that which follows, a finger is dine
but tis fantasy, sigh.

20- Through the jungle they creep
all yellow and black spotted
the power of the jaguar they leap
yet the interlopers win, and in pain the bodies will be rotted.

21- Sandy winds cover those below
as the desert spreads.
From Carthage to Ogbomosho
the men shalt be covered to their heads.

22- Monks of San Fransisco
shalt go Veni, Vedi, Vici
when the Pope go
very very sicky.

23- All the way from Atlantis
to Lemuria and My
Crazies shalt go a chantis
and say "I am not a crook" while turning a brilliant hue.

24- Lightning shalt strike
the chosen not once, but twice
yet in much it would be alike
to be struck thrice.

25- Fish will be eaten
at a non sustainable rate
and by fifty years they will be beaten
saith those we hate.

26- To whom we call
the lost one's gaze:
there will may be many tests, great and small
but for none you will faze.

27- Death be a coming
all are a running
the politicians' noses a thumbing
and the lizard aren't a sunning.

28- Great balls of fire, the water is rising
in the city that shalt not tire
and where the plays are singing.

29- The king of the world
shall young be elected
do nothing he shalt dorld
yet the one non warlike prize shalt be not rejected.

30- 'Tis the season to be jolly
buying things to supplement the income of the mall.
The religion is gone in this day of holly,
the true meaning lost to almost all.

31- Taurine Zebu
Bovine Cow
The great ancestor moo moo
shall leave me now.

32- From the Baltic Coasts
to the Peninsula on the sea
all, not most
shall under one rule be.

33- Dog whisperer
such powerful ones
they talk to hims and hers
and seem to have funs.

34- They stare at the sky
and envy the bird
and so they create birds in their eye
and they fly from the third.

35- Kings are two a penny
Princes are three,
until one day many
kingdoms fall like a forest of dead tree.

36- Grown in floods
and feeding the world
people panic when it is rationed like mud
in a warehouse of the world.

37- It's a mad place
with two super powers,
yet it's worse than mace
with only one checked by none but flowers.

38- May kaffa
May sing
May notta
go ding ding.

39- Arabian nights,
like Arabian days,
have deadly fights
or so they says.

40- Black gold is the stuff,
it runs with fire and not ice
everybody wants it, weak or tough,
and they get it by not being nice.

41- Twinkle, twinkle little star
I can't find you in the haze
I know not where thou art are
in this starry maze.

42- Women... in schools!
What a sight.
Don't call me a sexists fool,
you ugly fright.

43- I shalt hate the day
where lazy teenagers shall
make billions being loud and gay
playing noisy instruments till the fall.

44- War and Peace
Peace and War.
At the same time and pleece
happen they shalt be and more.

45- Yo shall assemble many
oblivious they are to his intentions
not knowing really why
the ore they mine is not fought over by nations.

46- "Where you be?"
say Bach
to the tree
in the loch.

47- Dumma Dumma roll Dumma.
Here comes the Khan,
a great empire he a runna
and he shalt know little of his ancestry grand.

48- Blood, Blood on the wall,
Who art the fairest of them all?
Is it the judge, the arbitrator, the cop at the mall?
Or is it the one chosen above all?

49- Skull for a mask,
scapula for a shield,
the bone meister is ready for the task
but what of her who is in the field?

50- Blowing spit bubbles is fun!
But what about those who can't do it?
get some rubber, make it pink, call it gum,
put it in your mouth and let it be bit.

51- Automatoa... Check.
Birds of Death... Ready for anything.
Great disciples of moi... in a sec.
OK, roll call is over, said the one who sing.

52- Tuba in the center,
trumpets on the side,
trombones up in the fronter
and horns, go hide.

53- Yo met her once,
at a convention on many things.
they talked to each other, like a dunce
but out of it came no rings.

54- Babies
are hard on the brain,
just like rabies,
and soon you just dance in the rain.

55- Om.
On.
Og.
Oy.

56-And so we art back to now
and now know what will
happen before the end of all toe, sow,
human, dog or pill.

57- But still there is much
that can be learned
about what will happen after these touch
our lives and the fuse gets burned.

58- And so,
in a few verses following,
we will go
and tour that which is unfolding.

59- A word of warning.
the following is gruesome,
if you fell your mind burning,
feel free to leave and don't be troublesome.

60- Now let us begin,
you vile hags,
for the world is big and not made of tin,
and there is much to see, don't forget your bag.

61- Here we start, at an ancient circle,
that the druids claim falsley is theirs,
untrue that is, because it is a portal,
and it connects to a world with little mares.

62- These invaders have come before,
but knocked back they were,
but with their new door,
they will destroy, dur.

63- Many cities that they shalt raze,
like Londonium and Paris,
Their path will be straightforward, not a maze,
and they will be quite merry.

64- The army will be organized,
with ranks and jobs and such,
but our efforts will be compromised,
very, very much.

65- They will move with passion,
destroying all in their way,
stuff will be burning in a brilliant fashion,
and they will drink our mead and not pay!

66- Onward they shalt go,
banners flying high,
hurting the world we know,
and we can only sigh.

67- Nowhere can escape their wrath,
all will be touched,
the ones at the end of the path,
are in a place not wanted much.

68- The great northern land,
shalt be restored to its glory of old,
No more shalt it be viewed like sand,
and there will be no more mold.

69- Once again. this shall be,
the base of operations,
a mighty fortress to the d,
a bane to all the nations.

70- No more shall the island be mocked,
and used for meaningless storage,
from here the paychecks shalt be docked,
and soldiers shall be refused their porridge.

71- Great beasts will be imported,
things that dwarf elephants,
like and angry bull their nose a snorted,
and a lunch they make of elephants.

72- Some of them will be wolves,
of a most demonic type,
the type of wolves that eat dwarves,
and can cause a great hype.

73- Also there will be other ones,
like great beasts of the sky,
not like birds, but flying bags 'o fun,
that can shred a human into a mincemeat pie.

74- Of course there will be awesome lizards,
the types that gaze, breathe and chew.
They will be a match for the greatest wizards,
and will love to the mountains of Peru.

75- All of these, and much much more,
shall come with the invaders,
all of this will come from the door,
in the land of owe you laters.

76- But do not worry,
that's not all,
for natural disasters will make your head want to bury,
and never answer a call.

77- A virulent plague will break out,
one that makes your flesh peel,
but don't run ot the room and pout,
for the descriptions is in the next reel.

78- It will strike you as you sleep,
a simple insectoid bite.
Little do you know your soul it reaps,
all from this magician's mite.

79- For a while it shall rest,
and slowly it shalt spread,
but beware my guest,
for you'll never know when you'll drop dead.

80- When it awakens you will know,
as will all that look at you,
when they see your skin go,
and your body turns to poo.

81- First comes vomiting, diarrhea, and shaking,
followed by tremors, seizures, and dreams.
Then comes mild skin flaking,
and you realizes it is more than it seems.

82- After that comes massive holes,
of rotting flesh on thou,
then your bones turn into jelly rolls,
and you can't even go ow.

83- Finally the end is near,
and your appendages fall off,
Soon you won't be able to see or hear,
only breathe and cough.

84- The finale is either when,
you die of starvation,
or when the plague reaches the brain pen,
liqufying it and causing the brain to have destabilization.

85- so this ends,
my bloody tale,
of a disease your body defends,
against with no avail.

86- Of course other things will happen,
like earthquakes, volcanoes, dissolving tribes,
whirlpools, tsunamis, and a kraken,
but these aren't as fun to describe.

87- Some of the natural spirits,
on our fair planet will awaken too,
like the giants, and no-fear-its,
or the great one who moos.

88- Even the unicorns,
might go bad,
at least the ones with common horns,
but they always were sad.

89- Buildings will tumble,
people's homes will go to ruin,
humans will rumble,
and lawyers won't be suin'.

90- Yes all of this,
and much much more,
will happen with a kiss,
and the opening of a door.

91- Is there any hope,
for when the end begins?
Of course there is you dope,
like an animal with fins.

92- The binders must be found,
the ones who won last time,
so act like a bloodhound,
because not finding them would be a crime.

93- They must be brought,
to the land of their home,
with the magic on you got,
and the great sky dome.

94- after that there is time for lunch,
and then there is more searching,
this time for the horseman bunch,
and their father a lurching.

95- While three of them will be easy,
the last one will be tough,
for he loves his life, though it's cheesy,
and he is quite gruff.

96- Once these troubled souls are gathered,
and the chosen one is found,
all must go to my blood's tomb like none matters,
even though it's just an unknown mound.

97- From here the final battle,
roars to a start,
though many will be hurt (don't forget a rattle),
do not lose heart.

98- The chosen one's
time is here,
one she can let all be done,
when she learns to conquer fear.

99- Well goodbye, thanks for listening,
don't forget you complementary scroll and ring,
hey, why are you all hastening,
when you must remember one thing.

100- Don't let the chosen one fly,
at any cost.
Don't let her die,
or all is lost.

Contrary to Popular Belief...

2010-01-01T20:19:00.001-05:00

I did not die in a blogging accident. I have just been very busy and will continue to be busy over the next few weeks. then hopefully my schedule will clear up. And yes the prophecy is still coming.

Coming Soon: The Prophecy

2009-11-30T18:49:00.004-05:00

That is right. Soon, for the first time ever the Prophecy will be available online, in the Original English Translation by Sir Roger Jones. That includes all one hundred stanzas, four hundred lines and XXXXX words. Be ready for your life to be changed.

1/1/10 1/1/10 1/1/10 1/1/10 1/1/10 1/1/10

Two Years!!!

2009-11-08T19:20:00.002-05:00

Its been two years of The Wyrm News. Unfortunately we haven't got 100 articles yet so our Epic 100th will have to wait. But as consolation, everyone who texts FAT BufF810 to Oregon (673466) by 21:00 November 10th, 2009, will get a free medium single topping pizza* courtesy of Bob's pizza. Thank you and have a nice day.

*Ттэ Вурм Нуз вилл нот асэпт рисасибилити иф ю донт гэт а ризаю

Announcements 10/27/09

2009-10-27T21:20:00.003-04:00

His Majesty's the Royal Supreme High Lord Sir Justice Mythos Wyrm University's Fighting Berserkers have a Demon Ball game on Friday at 7:30 Pm. It is the first game of the Season, so be there or you will be missing out on a lot of fun. The wise guy will be having a lecture called "How to Climb the Mount Everest of our life, or Get a baseball glove and be prepared to shoot a twenty-two," on Thursday October 29th, from Noon until 5:00 PM, at the Robert Ward Auditorium. It will be very interesting and all people are invited to attend, especially if you have a special invitation. Thats all for now.

The Nobel Peace Prize

2009-10-21T16:27:00.005-04:00

Barack Obama should not have received the 2009 Nobel peace prize. He has done absolutely nothing to deserve the peace prize. In fact I, Lord Justice Mythos Wyrm, deserved more than him. And I am just a crazy old warmonger. The only reason Obama got the peace prize is because he is overly loved by those extremely neurotic mainstream Europeans. Meaning Western Europeans, especially from the Northern Countries. The fact that Obama got the peace prize over some one else that actually did something for peace, like Brad Pitt, is completely atrocious and should be a horrible thought to any true-minded Homo Sapiens, or Homo Neanderthalensis. Brad Pitt is more qualified for the Nobel Prize than Obama (have to find a good reason for this though). All this shows is that Obama can suck up to Norwegians, which isn’t actually that hard in all actuality. The lack of thought being put into the Nobel prizes reveals other problems about the prizes. For instance, they are awarded in Oslo, which is a Norwegian city, yet the monetary prize is Swedish Krona. And the prize is Swedish, yet it is given out in Norway. The Swedes and Norwegians should not be cooperating. Everyone knows that. Doesn’t the Nobel Prize Association know the prophecy? All New Swedish citizens are required to memorize the prophecy, and know that Norwegians and Swedes are never to mix. The idea of Swedes and Norwegians being together makes up the entire fourteenth verse of the prophecy, yet they are getting along just fine. These maniacs are trying to ruin the world. Why don’t they understand the predicament that they are mercilessly pulling the world into? Especially because they also fulfilled the twenty-ninth verse of the prophecy by giving Obama the peace prize this year. These people need to realize their massive mistakes and fix them before the prophecy is fulfilled and life as almost everyone knows it ends. Returning to the peace prize issue, I just realized that I should get the peace prize for a variety of things, including revealing the problems being created by the prize itself. But of course, I would have to impolitely refuse the prize, lest I would become a hypocrite and hopefully my refusal will spark a Swedo-Norwegian (not Pseudo-Norwegian) war. I give many thanks to you if you managed to read through, understand and stomach my overly
long and tedious rant.

In reposnse

2009-10-21T15:13:00.002-04:00

The last post was a response to complaints we had from PETA over them not being able to read our message to them. So we simplified our message. Hopefully they could understand that. FYI, the original message was:

In response to your unfounded criticisms of our wondrously effective bureaucratic government system, we, the anti slanderous propaganda subcommittee of the committee of propaganda, in the congress of press, in the department of law enforcement, in the council of defense, have a few words to say to you. We wish for you to cease any libelous propaganda against the government, and resists any feeling to publish the horrendous and astronomically falsified advertisements the opposes the wonderful and unbelievably omnipotent administration in control of this civilization. Any Failure to heed the previously stated announcement, by a member of your terrorist organization will be revealed to the general populace of our civilization through the mourning of your loved ones following extended disappearances to incomprehensible government interment facilities.

Surprsing they couldn't understand it, eh?

A re-written note to PETA.

2009-10-21T15:02:00.002-04:00

Hate you. We do. You die. Not us. Just you. You die. Happy us. not you. Ha Ha.

'Ello

2009-10-01T22:23:00.006-04:00

Man this has been a busy few months. First of all my absence was for magic testing. We have reached great heights in identifying people with magical talent. Secondly I was helping edit the Harry Potter novels. They will soon be unbanned in their premium version. Thirdly there was some conferences i needed to attend. You know boring stuff like that. But I am proud to announce that the First Term of His Majesty's the Royal Supreme High Lord Sir Justice Mythos Wyrm University has begun. I wish our incoming students much luck, especially the ones who are there for the magic classes. See you soon. Oh as a final note: HMRSHLSJMWU is pronounced as (non ipa) Hemur-Shils-Jem-Woo.

Announcements

2009-08-10T21:55:00.003-04:00

The UZGNS would like to remind everyone that photographs of the captured rainbows are forbidden due to their sensitivity to light. The induction of Olaf Thorson as the Governor of Silver Plats will be held at noon on Friday. Be there or be a regular quadrilateral. Magic testing will begin for all citizens over 8 years old on August 15th. You must sign up for some time between then and September 21st. Also, Harry Potter is currently forbidden. A new correct translation will be provided soon. Finally the Wise Guy has some words for us. They are: Bio mechanical Engineering of the spleen can be painful if performed by an unlicensed surgeon.

Jätte

2009-08-08T22:32:00.005-04:00

The Jätte, or Giants, are a group of spirits that are the physical manifestations of the emotions anger and hatred. They are create when one of these emotions is being abused in a high magic area. From there Jätte can reproduce like a human. There are many types of Jätte, created by differences in the intensity of the mother emotion and the form of magic that creates it. The types of Jätte are, Frost Jätte, Mountain Jätte, Fire Jätte and Titans. Mountain Jätte are your generic giant, large (approx 25 feet high with a ratio of height to body size like a normal human) and hairy. Frost Jätte are much shorter (averaging 15 feet tall) and less hairy. Frost Jätte are known for their ability to breathe icy winds and freeze things in ice by touching them. Fire Jätte are about the size of Frost Jätte and have no hair, their bodies being covered in flame. The flames one their head might look like hair though. Fire Jätte can breathe fire and throw fire balls. Titans are the largest of the Jätte. They grow up to about thirty feet high. They are as black as midnight and have broad shoulders and no hair but a lightning yellow beard and tall lightning yellow Japanese anime looking spiky hair. Titans are masters of electricity and are very tough enemies. They are not from the demon world. The titan Gerolf, despite popular belief is not from the demon world, never went to the demon world, and did not defeat me. I just let that idiot Union Leader fight him to see what he was made of. Jätte be killed with conventional killing means, like humans. Except for the fact that Fire Jätte cannot be burned, Frost Jätte cannot be frozen and Titans can no be electrocuted. Bashing the Skull of a Jätte in has been proven effective though by my Friend ~~XXXXXXXXXXXX~~ Ferdirend, called Þórr in the old legends. Other effective measures include decapitation and poker. Jätte are very prideful and often commit suicide after losing large sums of money to games of chance. Despite the fact that hatred and anger are becoming more common then ever in our world the Jätte population is decreasing because magic is becoming more and more rare in our world. But explanations of magic are to come later. Jättes are said still to be found in Yellowstone, Alaska, Hawai'i, the Himalayas and other remote areas like that. No Titans have been reported in 700 years, since the death of the last Wizard. Next up: Semi- Turcks, ferocious man eating beasts also known as Jassinarries.

The Ubernational Zoological Gardens of New Sweden present...

2009-08-08T22:14:00.004-04:00

...Rainbows. Here at the Ubernational Zoological Gardens of New Sweden, we have learned how to capture and care for rainbows. For a limited time you can adopt one. At the small cost of €350 you will receive a certificate saying that you have adopted a rainbow, the chance to name your rainbow and the good feeling that you have supported this mind bending ecological effort. As many of you know, the rainbow is a highly endangered organism known for its extreme beauty. Little is known about their biology but thanks to us, and your contributions, more can be known. There are only 20 rainbows to be adopted currently so get yours today. Also Public feedings are at 7:00 and 17:00 o clock daily. Thank you.

Your loving Friend,
Sven Svenson
Head of the Ubernational Zoological Gardens of New Sweden (UZGNS)

Hacking the Net

2009-07-22T18:53:00.004-04:00

Nethack is a good analogy of life. Lots of people try to seek the impossible and just when they think they are doing well, they are brutally murdered, while helpless. It also tells you that the moon matters. For instance today I had my best character ever (a dwarven Valkyrie) and I went about half way past minetown and then back up. In Minetown there was a chickatrice (baby cockatrice). I didn't want to meele it so it took forever to kill it with a single thrown dagger. But I killed it and got cocky. I went back up the the Dungeon of Doom and started to look for the oracle. On level 8 I opened a door and was mobbed by Wargs. I killed them all and without realising it I also killed a cockatrice and escaped unharmed. That made me even more cocky. Then later on that level i met another cockatrice. I killed it but it stoned me. Since it was the new moon and I didn't have a lizard corpse the cockatrice had a 100% chance of killing me when it hissed. I was stoned. It sucked. Ecspecialy since the oracle was most likely on that level or the one under me. Now I have shared my grief.

Whats my excuse this time...

2009-07-14T02:33:00.002-04:00

I am back from a long campaign to bring you good news. The army of New Sweden has captured Västerbotten County and has made it New Sweden's first province now to be known as Silver Plats. The Campaign went well and we met little resistance. Until a governor is chosen I will act as the governor. Thank you and have a nice day.

The Hidden Meanings of Pixar Movies

2009-05-26T20:58:00.002-04:00

There are many hidden meanings in Pixar films. Let us begin at the first film and continue on from there.
Toy Story- This film is about genetic engineering. Evidence of this comes from many things. First of all the toy soldiers have feet messed up from genetic engineering. And later in the film it becomes well, obvious, when the story moves into the mad scientist's lab.
A Bugs' Life- This is about animal mistreatment in circus's. See the Rhino serous beetle is represents an abused elephant. This film also contains some anti work, pro slacking propaganda.
Toy Story 2- This story is about the negative consequences of greed. Due to the Fat guy stealing Woody (in greed), many cars are destroyed, infrastructure is ruined and eventually valuable merchandise is ruined.
Monsters INC- Is about farming, or more specifiably hunter gathering. See you can either gather in small amounts, requiring much work, but keeping the source usable, or breaking some rules and gather in environmental unfriendly ways. But in the process you destroy the source. It also brings up the creation of artificial protein bars in laboratories.
Finding Nemo- Simply is a very controversial film. See its hidden meaning is child labor. In it a little kids, after being kidnapped is forced to destroy important infrastructure, almost resulting in his death, like a sucide bomber.
The Incredibles- The Incredibles is about government sponsered discrimination. I am too lazy to explain it buts its pretty obvious.
Cars- Cars is about the evils of global corporations. See a company wants to dirty up the environment with its car races. Because of these races, peace is disturbed in small comunities and ugly cars get the attention.
Ratatouille- This films hidden meaning is the suckiness of the french military, and france in General. See the old lady couldn't even kill a rat, yet she did better than 99.5% of the French Army. And Linguini is the stereotypical frenchman, sucking at life and thinking that he is all that, even though in the corner the rest of teh world is laughing its head off.
WALL-E: Walle is about AI malfunctionings in robots, causing mass destrucation. This seems to be a common theme in scienece fiction. Pixar really needs to rethink its hidden meanings. Get original.
UP- havent seen, don't care. Has to do with the subprime mortage bubble burst, i think.

Predictions (using wikipedia as a source)

Toy Story 3- Greek Life (Fraternities)
Cars 2- No idea. Possibly tropical diseases. Or communism.
The Bear and the Bow- Teenage Rebellion. Literaly Teenagers rebelling against the government. In scotland. So there is a wee chance that they speak like this.
Newt- Prostitution. Need I say more. The plot summary on wikipedia says the main characters are forced to mate. I thought Disney had some morals.

Ten signs that you need to rethink your life.

2009-05-16T10:15:00.002-04:00

1. Your imaginary Friend ignores you
2. When you and your friends go camping during a thunder storm you are the one who gets to carry the poles.
3. The bank foreclosed your cardboard box.
4. You owe your dog money.
5. The three things you are told the most are 'wake up',' go to bed', and 'its only a flesh wound'.
6. You are a wanna be nerd.
7. When you read a fortune cookie it says 'there is a rope around your neck in the near future' and you lucky numbers are 666, 13 and π.
8. If you think its fun to spend your Saturday night playing mahjong with 80 year old ladies.
9. Your favorite pastime is breaking wind.
10. A nightlight is your only friend.

I hate Lawn Care

2009-05-12T17:34:00.002-04:00

Well, my lawn mower. He was Norwegian, so I knew I couldn't trust him. Claimed I was endangering his health. I don't know what he was talking about. DDT, Parathion and other pesticides have never hurt anyone. Not even a fly. So he quit and guess who had to mow the massive palace lawn when he left. ME!!!!!!!! Well the lawn is a few acres and all we had was a push gas mower dating from 1823 (exaggeration), a reel mower that was even older and a scythe. Of course the gas mower was broken and only had three wheels and the reel mower hadn't be oiled since the Nazi's invaded Norway. So naturally I used the scythe. I little while later I was bored. So I am turning about 3 acres into a Safari Park, so that I have excuse for really long grass. Bye.

More Annoyances for Hawiru

2009-05-12T17:30:00.001-04:00

ᛁ ᚺᚨᛏᛖ᛫ᛒᛖᛖᛜ᛫ᚾᛁᛊᛖ᛫ᛏᛟᛟ᛫ᛗᛖ᛫ᛖᚾᛖᛗᛖᛖᛊ᛬ It has been so long since I have written in the Elder Fuþark. More Carvings to come. Thanks for reading. By the way I wrote that using a keyboard I made myself.

Leonardo Da Vinci was a liar

2009-05-05T21:41:00.002-04:00

Many people say that Leonardo Da Vinci was a genius and a fabulous artist. Well I knew him and can tell you he isn't. See there was a Swede by the name Sven Olafsson who happened to be in Italy for some reason. Well Leonardo Da Vinci, a common thief saw him and all his stuff. So Da Vinci thought, you know if I kill this guy and steal his stuff then I can pretend to be him and become rich and famous. So Da Vinci killed Sven and took his briefcase. For the next few decades Da Vinci slowly leaked out Sven's work, pretending it was his. But all of Sven's inventions worked. The reason Da Vinci's inventions didn't work because he spilled wine on them and messed up the diagrams. Plus Everyone knows that Mongolia had ornithopter for hundreds of years before Leonardo Da Vinci claimed to invent them and that Francis Bacon brought the Idea into Europe. And the Romans used tanks in their conquest. Just all this history was rewritten in the Renaissance to make the Western Europeans look better.

𐐓𐐩𐐿 𐑄𐐰𐐻 𐐰𐑋𐑉𐐮𐐿𐐫

2009-05-04T20:26:00.003-04:00

𐐗𐐰𐑌𐐻 𐐷𐐼 𐐮𐐻 𐐸𐐲𐐸? 𐐼𐐯𐑃 𐐻𐐭 𐐰𐑋𐑉𐐮𐐿𐐫𐑌 𐐨𐑂𐐮𐑊. 𐐌 𐐶𐑌𐐻 𐐻𐐭 𐑅𐐨 𐑄𐑉 𐑁𐐩𐑅𐐯𐑅.

Well that was fun.

Bet you can't read it.

Torure in uhhh Mexico

2009-05-03T14:03:00.003-04:00

In Texico students are being taught to torture plants. They are putting bean seeds in jars are then repeatedly flipping the jar, causing the plant to grow in awkward shapes. There is no reason that people should be allowed to torture plants and not animals or people. I demand, as the President, Chair, Founder, CEO, CFO, Treasurer, and leading member of HETV (Humans for Ethical Treatment of Vegetables) that Ocanadio stops torturing plants as plants are people too. Or I demand that if they don' stop doing this then Brazifornia should start teaching torture of animals in school too.

Youtube

2009-05-02T19:40:00.002-04:00

I am being framed on youtube by some little kid. I hate Jimbo Jones the Talking Gorilla. I am much more awesome than that thing. but some of his videos are okay. I guess.

American's are so awesome I want to be one

2009-05-02T19:29:00.005-04:00

I love america. It is so great. I wish I lived there. So do you. So move to America today. It will be the best decision you will ever make. O yeah, France is awesome too.

I hate America. It sucks. I wish I wasn't being forced to right propaganda for them. Moving there would be the worse decision you can make. And France sucks. Even more than AMerica.

Stick Animation?

2009-04-22T20:49:00.000-04:00

Uhhh'thus is nt working

Peace Talks

2009-04-19T19:45:00.002-04:00

You might be wondering where I have been the last month or so. This time it wasn't jail, or Mongolia. I have been in Cairo working on peace talks with the United States. Though the meeting are to be confidential until 2013, I may tell you the terms we agreed to. I am to stop insulting the Americans. I am to have a better human rights record, meaning no more torturing terrorists (hypocritical Americans, wait I didn't mean that. Americans don't torture terrorists, anymore). I am to stop stealing oil from Norway. I am to hold elections in July. Fair Elections. What do you mean our last elections weren't fair? I am to build a missile defense program to protect my people from Russians. I am to quit saying that I am an immortal Demon Slayer. I am to stop promoting obesity by holding the Swedish fish festival. I am to stop attacking Sweden. I am to let people come freely into my borders. I am to join the EU. I am to stop my use of the þ and the ð. I am to add the Star Spangled Banner and America the Beautiful to my music on the Wyrm News. I am to allow people to make decisions. I am to force Floppy+Bros to make America Overpowered I WW3, the New Swedish Way. I am to suck up to America like the rest of Europe. I am to be the example to the rest of Europe by becoming the 51st state of America. Wait I wasn't supposed to say that. In return I will not get invaded by America. If you are wondering how they got me to agree to these things I must say that I am not allowed to disclose the fact that I was deprived of sleep, water boarded, drugged and had my signiture forged. Well that is why I have been gone.

Where I have been

2009-03-05T17:48:00.003-05:00

I am back. Did you miss me? I have been in Jail for the past month or so, but I was found not guilty. Well I should explain what happened. See I got a letter telling me to go to Kazakhstan. Ðere I met about 15 other world leaders. We were all standing in a Room, wondering what was happening, when a voice said ˝You are probely wondering why you are here. Well see there is a buried treasure worth millions hidden somewhere in ðe world. You first hint to finding ðis treasure is Ðe Road not taken, by Robert Frost.˝ Well on the plane home I was studying ðe poem when i realized ðat if you took the first letters of each line, and removed ðe repeating ones, you get Shoby, a town in England. SO I went to Shoby an dstarted to dig it up. Needless to say, they were not amused. I was arrested and was put on trial. But due to an idiot recording the information, I was for some reason charged with Manslaughter, Meþamphetamine trafficking, and assault, rather than trespassing and destruction of Public Property. SO I was finally released 2 days ago due to lack of evidence. Oh yeah I found the next clue. But I won´t tell you until I have found the treasure. Bye.

New Blog

2009-01-28T20:27:00.002-05:00

I am now publishing an aspiring cartoonist's writing on www.melvileandco.blogspot.com. Check it out. Itis awesome. (laughs in a corner) Bye.

Hey that guy owes me money" A rundown of the Weeks since my Last Post.

2009-01-20T18:48:00.003-05:00

So I will have to explain the Swedish Fish festival Later. Today I have more important news. See a few weeks ago a faked my death... Well You will see. Let us begin. It all started in November when Barack Hussein Obama sent a letter to me. I replied that I would see him at the World Leader's barbecue the Next week. So at the barbecue I was playing Horseshoes with Vladimir Putin, Kim Jon-il, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, Nicolas Sarkozy, and George Bush. Then a man came over to George Bush. They went away to talk. We thought it was the secret service agent guy so we thought nothing about it. He came back and we continued our game. Man Kim Jon-il is good at horseshoes. So I thought nothing about it until the Sedish fish festival when we caught two spies drinking hot chocolate by a campfire in the middle of the fairgrounds. We took them away and learned that they were sent here by Heinrich von Kathar, who sounded familiar but I wasn't quite sure who he was. I figured out who he was when a guy attacked me in my palace. He was quickly caught. I realised that the Organization he was from would most likely start attacking the common people. So we sent a message to them that we managed to kill their assassin but the assassin managed to kill me while I was trying to expose them. I than created a blog post that I was supposedly writing when I was attacked. After that I left New Sweden to talk to an old Friend of mine. Well they figured out but I managed to escape their grasp and run away to Topeka. But I was stuck in Las Vegas for about thirteen hours. So I had nothing better to do than to go to the Casinos and look for people who owe me money. Well I found one guy who looked familiar, but I was pretty sure he saved my life about 20 years before. So I gave 750 bucks. He looked happy. But the guys in Suits didn't look so happy. Or so I assume. It is hard to tell when 15 guys have guns aimed at you whether or not they were happy to see me. Well I got back on the plane and went to Topeka. Then earlier today I turned on the news and low and behold I saw that guy who I gave the money too. And he being sworn in as President of the United States of America. So that was why the guy looked familiar. He was the President Elect. So now Lil' Hussein (formerly He-who-houses-terrorist-sticks) owes me 750 bucks. Right now I am in the airport heading back to New Sweden. Hopefully then I can appeal to Lil' Hussein to help protect me from the organization unmtil I get organized. So what he wants to kill me. I did give him 750 bucks.

Vacation

2009-01-06T21:04:00.005-05:00

I do not have time to report on the Swedish Fish Festival. I must leave now. They are after me. I will be back hopefully after He-who-houses-terrorist-sticks takes over the regime. I must see some old friends, Now. I will explain la...

The Scumbag is dead. Long live The Orgainzation. Long live Heinrich Von Kathar. Death to the True Evil Empire. Wait, how do you change the labels? I wonder if this is the button that does it. Yes I think it is. Hey your supoosed to be dead. Don't press that bu...

Busy

2008-12-21T20:18:00.003-05:00

I am busy. But I am here to remind you that the Swedish Festival has started. Head over to the carnival. and we will have some very special guests. Plus I will have an autograph session everyday. Just come and find out. Or if you can't come, wait for the Carnival Report at the end of the Carnival. Any citizen of New Sweden, Sweden, Finland or Fiji gets in free. Everyone else gets in for a daily ticket of $2 for 8 and unders, $3 for 8-18 and $5 for adults. Seniors get in free. As do toddlers (2 and under). But if you are a citizen of Canada, Norway, Russia, or USA, you have to pay $5 per person, no matter what age they are. Tickets for the whole event are selling for $40 each. They give you unlimited access to the fairgrounds until the Carnival is over. That's all folks. Carnival ends December 28.

Incredibots

2008-12-13T12:53:00.003-05:00

Found this cool physics simulation game. Here is an example of what you can do.
http://incredibots.com/?robotID=438921
It is a four player battle game. Hope it works.

Here is the game itself.

I like the dark knight level. You find it under load bot. Plasy aroung with this game. Have fun.

Annoucements

2008-12-11T20:01:00.004-05:00

The Swedish Fish Festival will begin on December 19, 2008 at 8:15AM and will last until 11:15 PM each day until December 28,2008. It will be held at the Carnival Grounds near the Royal Palace. Everyone is invited. There might even be a special guest. Or two. Or three.

The Short Story contest will end on January 7, 2009. Send in your stories. Please keep them publishable.

Greshkhan will be back soon with part two of his article of Vampyrs. Look forward to it.

Remember no more chocolate. Swedish Fish is where it is at.

The wise guy is back from the Himalayas. He says, "Wise Guy's Warning: Loaded guns may be hazardous to your health."

Share your Hatred

2008-12-10T18:29:00.002-05:00

Comment on what you hate. Then we laugh and tell you to go get a life.

What I hate

Unpublishable Elvin Oathes who think they are better than I
America
Pirates
The Common Demon
"Revel Monkez" (It is a band)
Dirk the Jerk of West Eaty-fourth Street
Negitive People
Idiots
Insignificant people (that means you Titan-Slayer)
you
Lucky Charms after people have removed all the Mashmellaz
Ugly People

SO now post what you hate.

The Epic History of The Wyrm News, New Sweden and All that Matter: Part 2/36+

2008-12-08T19:19:00.005-05:00

The Epic History of The Wyrm News, New Sweden and All that Matter: Part 1/36+ - The Demon-Slayers.

The Demon-Slayer are a group of elite humans that have vowed to save the world from Demons. They were created in BC 3272 in the aftermath of a great massacre by demons. It was formed when some elves walked up to the seven survivors and granted them semi-immortality in exchange for an oath to fight the Demon Scourge until we were killed. There are now to councils of Demon-Slayers: The Grand Council and the Greater Idiots. The Grand council is composed of the six remaining original Demon-Slayers (one left us for the Demons), with me being the Head. The Greater Idiots are composed of the twenty people that are still alive that we made into Demon-Slayer. The are led by the Greatest idiot in the World: Titan-Slayer. He can't even kill a demon. Only Titans. Titans are easy to kill. It is a fancy way of saying big drunk guy. The Greater Idiots follow the command of the Grand Council. Since the Demon have been in Retreat for about the last 300 years we have been keeping peace throughout the world and readying it for the next invasion. The members of the Grand Council are (not real names and with positions): Mythos Wyrm, head of the council, eldest member of the Demon-Slayer, Representative to Australia (though I don't Stay there) Lord of New Sweden, with the webdings symbol of % ; Sercatha, Vice-Head of the Council, Representative in South America, and Official Cook with a symbol of ,; Greshkhan, Monster-Hunter, rep to Europe, and Librarian with the symbol, Ls; Crynearg, Treasurer of the Demon Slayers, Asian Rep and Trainer of the n00bs, with a symbol of ~; Ferdirend, African Rep, explorer, muscian, and blacksmith with a symbol of @; and Annawyn, North American Rep (sucker!!), assassin and master juggler with a symbol of !. They Great Idiots don't matter. That is enough for know.

I told you so...

2008-12-08T19:09:00.002-05:00

Well He-who-houses-terrorist-sticks chose Hillary Clinton as his Secretary of State. So my prediction was almost right. He chose someone even worse than Osama Bin Laden. Hilliary Clinton is evil. And a Walmart Executive. She probably worked for Disney too. Obama should have chosen Monica Lewinsky if he couldn't choose Osama Bin Laden. That would be a slap in the face for Clinton. And Clinton (the other one) probaly would hang out at the White House way too much. Next I told people to protect thier oil. Then $100,000,000 of oil was stolen. I told you so. Well that is all for this post.

Vampyrs

2008-12-01T20:19:00.005-05:00

Well I have something important to tell you about kids. In all seriousness I am going to tell you somethings that may save your life. See I am the Resident Vampyr-Slayr of the Demon Slayers. Vampyrs are the followers of demon who have sacrificed their life for the secret of immortality. They may also be someone who is under the control of a vampyr. A Vampyr Lord is a vampyr who has control of more than five people, animals, or other living things. The type of Vampyr that is formed when a Vampyr takes control of a person is also called a Zombie. Of course that is misleading as a zombie is also the animated dead, a person under their control of a witch doctor and more. There are 5 ways to kill a Vampyr. The first one is to stab the vampyr in the heart. This way is advised as it can be anything that stabs them in the heart, as long it is pointy. But if the object is removed too quickly, it gives the Vampyr time to heal itself, so the object should not be removed until you know the Vampyr is dead. Silver items work the best for reasons explained later. The body should be burned. The second way to kill a Vampyr is by beheading it. This way is easy, fast and fun. The head and/or body should be burned promptly in order to prevent crazy followers from sacrificing themselves to raise the Vampyr. But it is not required as the Vampyr is killed. The third way is to burn the vampyr. This is fun and of only medium difficulty. Vampyrs can be burned in many ways. Holy water works as does normal means. Even a magnifying glass works, though it is ineffective due to the fact that you must burn a substantial amount of the Vampyr so that it dies. The fourth way is shoving holy water down its throat. This is hard an ineffective, though fun. The holy water burns holes n the digestive system so that the Vampyr digests itself. The fifth way is to starve it. This is hard and requires many months of work, combined with candles, holy symbols, garlic, consecrated dirt, silver boxes, and a holy(wo)man or exorcist. Once the Vampyr starves it loses the ability to control its minions and be immortal. It ages to the age it should be in a matter of minutes. The body doesn't have to be burned unless the body doesn't start decomposing in the attempt to catch up with time. If the Vampyr lives after the aging process than it will remeber nothing of its vampyr life. No need to kill the poor person because there will be no way for it to become a vampyr again. The sixth way is to bombard the vampyr with images of donuts using your mind. This is extremely effective but very hard to do. It also makes you hungry. The Vampyr needs life force to survive. Because they can't suck it up psychically, they must suck it up physically. This means sucking blood. They don't like blood with garlic or holy water in it. As a Vampyr has less life force it becomes weaker and has a harder time healing itself. When a Vampyr sucks enough life force out of someone they can leave it to die, or turn that person into a Vampyr type 2, or Vampyr Zombie. These Zombies follow the every command of thier master. They too need life force, but they can't hold as much of it and they are weaker. Also when a Zombie sucks enough life force out of some one they don't gain control of the person. Instead control instantly goes to the Zombie's master. The more followers a Vampyr Lord has, the more life force it has, as it can steal some life force from its minion anytime it wants, no matter where the minion is. This makes killing powerful Vampyr Lords extremely difficult. Vampyr can enter any building they can break into, though it is easier if they open the door but they can't magically go through doors. Light does not hurt them and they can cross running water. They can not enter a holy area. This makes Vampyrs extremely uncommon in the Papal States, which isn't that important since the Papal States are a great .17 square miles large. Things that you should have to defend yourself from Vampyrs are: garlic( they don't like the smell or tatse), a holy item( example:Cross, Crescent Moon, Star of David, a saint's anklebone etc), holy water (burns them with a burn that like silver, they can't heal with their "magic") a pointy silver object( like a knife, steak, stick, bar watch, pointy cross etc), matches and gasloline (to burn the body), and some sort of candle or incense. There are more things for you to know, but I must reveal them in a later post of: Defence against Monsters By Greshkhan.
-Greshkhan

Postponment and other Notices

2008-12-01T20:02:00.003-05:00

The Short Story contest due date will be extended until after the Swedish Fish Festival, which is coming up soon. Chocolate will be allowed for the next seven days in all of New Sweden. But once those Seven Days are up, no more chocolate may be brought into the country and all chocolate must be eaten. There is no need to thank me for this generosity. Due to shortages there will be no Salt Pork in your rations this week. All military officials are to report to the Grand Palace tomorrow at 9:27 AM, precisely for a meeting. The hungry thieves contest is still on Schedule, so don't miss it. Finaly all I can say is I told you so. More on that later.

Let us be Klipspringers

2008-11-30T20:25:00.002-05:00

An ode to Klipspringers:

Paching, dading.

Watch the mighty Klipspringer Spring

Rock to Rock,

Spock to Spock,
He is not good to mock.

Pigs Can Fly!!!!! And Other Bits'o'Logic

2008-11-30T20:04:00.003-05:00

Lets prove that Pigs are birds.
Given: Ostriches are Birds
Prove: Pigs are birds

1- Ostriches are birds- Given
2- Ostriches can't fly - Known Fact
3- Pigs can't fly- known fact
4- Ostriches are pigs- Transitive Property (a=b, b=c, a=c)
5- Pigs are ostriches- symmetrical property
6- Pigs are birds- substitution property.
We have proven pigs are birds. Next prove pigs are a national bird.

1- The pig is a bird-see above
2- Eagle is the national bird- Known fact
3- The Eagle is a bird- known fact
4- The Eagle is a pig- transitive property
5- The Pig is an eagle- Symmetric Property
6- The Pig is a national Bird- Transitive Property
So Know we know the pig is the national bird of America. Therefore the Pig is a symbol of America. Therefore Americans are pigs. Congratulations Americans. And yes I passed Geometry.

Next some things to think about.
If a cheeto is made of cheese and cheese can make cheese nips, can a cheeto make cheese nips?
How much ground could groundhog hog if a groundhog could hog ground?
Shouldn't groundhog day be called woodchuck day?
Why is don't we call them groundchucks or woodhogs?
Is the Earth really flat?
Why am I awesome?
What is the fee for awesomeness and attractiveness?
What did the ignoramus hippopotamus say to the bus full of pus?
What did the cucumber say to tomato?
Why should you expect the unexpected if it won't be unexpected if it is expected?
How can a vampire be both hot and cool?
Who is she that sells seashells by the seashore?

Just some thoughts.

Ask a Demon Slayer #1

2008-11-23T21:36:00.003-05:00

Here it is. I had so many great questions that it was sad I could choose so few to answer.

Dear Deamon Slayer-
I love you. I love you so much I love you. I cannot think what it is like not to love you. I love you more than Chuck Norris. That is how much I love you.
-Lovestruck

Dear Love Struck-
Get your head out the clouds. I don't even know who you are. So do something useful and join the army. We love our volunteers.

Dear Mythos-
How come you get an e-mail and everything while I am stuck rotting in a hut in the middle of Tibet?
-Crynearg

Dear Crynearg-
Hi. It isn't my fault you drew the Popsicle stick that said- Middle of the Himalayas. It was luck. You are better off than Annawyn- she is stuck in Canada. Man it sucks to be her. Also don't use our true names in public letters. It changed them when I saw what you did but be careful.

Dear Demon-Slayer-
Can I have your autograph?
-A cool dude like you
Dear Fat guy like Titan-Slayer-
Sure. I have autograph sessions at my palace every full moon from 6-9Pm. See you there.

Dear Demon Slayer-
I have a proposition to make. Start using the English mode of Tengwar for all offcial business. It will keep things secret.
-Legolas
Dear Orlando Bloom-
Maybe.

Dear Demon Slayer-
I hate you.
-Froggy
Dear Froggy-
Did you know I eat frog legs for breakfast. They taste good, you should try tsometime.

Dear Demon Slayer-
QWERTYUIOPASDFGHJKLZXCVBNM. HAHHAHA!!!!!!!!
~WRFDS
Dear Idiot-
Quit annoying me. I told you at my last autograph session I do not accept checks for my bribes. A little cash is fine though.

Dear Ugly Butt-
You are under arrest for terrorism. We have troops surrounding your palace as you read this. You will be brought to justice for your atrocities.
-Barack Obama
Dear He-who-houses-terrorist-sticks-
You aren't president yet. Plus I received this letter last week. You need to learn who to keep up with your threats. Plus what Atrocities have I committed? Was it not endorsing you for the election. Man you want to follow in Bushiee Boy's footsteps. See you at the world leaders barbecue next week.

Man, I need a new way for choosing which letters to answer. Pulling them out of a hat doesn't work. Send in your new letters. Due date will be announced later.

Wiki

2008-11-17T20:44:00.004-05:00

Should I make a New Sweden wiki? You know it would be awesome. And if I do, what should it be hosted on. Also, due to the amount of negative comments have received I will reveal the answers to the riddles.
Riddle 1- Mythos Wyrm
Riddle 2- You
Riddle 3- Someone who is annoying someone who needs to pee
Riddle 4- Miley Cyrus :Þ. Actually it is ... Bill Clinton!!!!!!!! Or is it Queen Isabella. Maybe it is Genghis Khan. But no it is actually Snow White, or Sleeping Beauty, Or The Wicked Witch, Or Cinderella, or Bella (the dog), but it is actually Cookie Monster.
Riddle 5- A Nuclear Meltdown
Riddle 6- These Riddles
Riddle 7- PalindromeemordnilaP
Riddle 8- France
Riddle 9- Goo Gone
Riddle 10- Janus, the God of Doors.

Titan-Slayer has -1 points. Beat that.

THE-ES MEENS WOR

2008-11-13T19:44:00.003-05:00

The Werm Nus has deeclaird wor on Weekeepeedeea.h The-es is beekahze they keep on reeplaysing The Werm Nus for the Number won spot for the sirch "Sweden's Opinion on Terrorism". The-er meens wor. Let us destroy weekeepeedeeah and bring Nu Sweeden to Powair. Now for saum annoying tipin. Dadadadadaddadadadadadadadaddadadadadadadadadadadadadadd
I am the Spammer!!!!!!!!!! Grigorizy Blashnoek. HahAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

Who am I?

2008-11-13T19:06:00.004-05:00

Here are some riddles. For each correct answer you post, you gain 1 point to your WyrmNewsGamingAcountOnline. Each one wrong you lose one point. You only gain a point if you are the first one that is right. Lets get started.
Riddle 1
I am he who sleeps so others may rise,
I am he who lives while others die
All the fish of the sky and the birds of the sea
are endebted unto me.
I am all that glitters gold
A fact told known from a sign untold
All the land of this universe
thinks of me as one great curse
The great mountains of old
look down upon me, like i was foot mold
Those who once were pleased,
don't even give me a sneeze
My life would be done
if I could live, less than the sun.
Who I am?

Riddle 2
Fat, stupid, ugly, dumb,
but a worthless bum
My years are gaining
as is my waistline
And Christmas is almost here
The mirror is my enemy
Medusa lost the Ugly Contest to me
Who am I?

Riddle 3
Swoosh, woosh, drip drop
paddle paddle, woof woof
rushing down the water fall,
running down the massive hall
Great thunderstorms in the sky
raining down like a mooson
Waterfall, River, Pond Lake
Stream, Brook, Creek, Canal
Bog, Swamp, Marsh, Puddle
All of life is a muddle
Flush, Woosh, drip drop
What am I?

Riddle 4
Mirror Mirror, on the wall
Whose the fairest of them all?

Riddle 5
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMM!

Riddle 6
What gets worse with everyone you see?

Riddle 7
When "rats live on no evil star"
I am: "too hot to hoot"
What am I?

Riddle 8
They lost to Italy
They lost to Germany
They lost to Mother nature
They lost to Britian
They lost to Algeria
They lost to Everything else
Be man, cat, boat, rat
dog, frog, hog, log
Who are they?

Riddle 9
Egg Nog
it is wonderfulific
or just horrific
What is it?

Riddle 10
I am the Entrance and the exit
the first and the last
the maker of decisions,
the beginning and the end
Then my empire died and I was forgotten.
Who am I?

The horse and the little old lady

2008-11-13T18:57:00.004-05:00

There once was a horse. A little old lady saw it. She was 106, 4'2'', weighed 78 lbs, was named Edna, could speak fluent Bulgarian, and had her first heart attack when she was 14. When she saw the horse she exclaimed," Oh my. It is an Equus caballus. I will now rode3 it." So she sat on the horse. By the way, the horse was blue, ate fried chicken, took on dump a day, could do a handstand, and was 36 years old. The horse, who was named fred, suddenly died.
Edna had a heart attack at died the next millisecond.

What did that mean? It meant don't submit a bad story. Also letters to the Demon Slayer are due tommorow.

Post Election analysis

2008-11-05T21:24:00.003-05:00

We Wrongly reported Ralph Nader won the American Presidental Election. It was actually Barack Obama. We regret the error.

Now the for the analysis. This was a great win for the commies... I mean Democrats. New Sweden is getting prepared for an influx of immigrants, to the last somewhat conservative outpost in Europe. I guess New Sweden is Conservative. But they could go to Africa or Asia, but they are just a bunch of racist bigots, so they come to good 'ole Nordic Sweden. America will be bankrupted by Barack Obama, and everyone will hate him. His approval rating will be in the low 50s by the end of his term. John McCain will retire and sell some books. George Bush will be a motivational speaker at rehab centers, telling his story of his rise out of alcoholism and cocaine addiction to becoming the president of the Unilateral Stickmen Anonymous. Ralph Nader will run for the 2012 election as an independent. John McCain will not die in the next four years. Barack Obama will choose Osama Bin Laden to be his Secretary of State. His reason will be simply, Our names sound alike. Sure. In 2012 the main parties will send out Sarah Palin and Joe the Plumber (for the fascists) and the commies will present the incumbents. Ralph Nader will win. He will be 78. Germany will declare war on the United States in 2011. Barack Obama will use his terrorist connections to take over Germany and he will install the Fourth Reich. Not Vampyres. Man I wanted Vampyres to install the Fourth Reich. Also I think the Voters of Unilateral Stickmen Anonymous made a bad choice. They made a good one in 2000 when they traded a pot head for a coke head. But they had to ruin it and trade the coke head for a pothead, not a meth head or heroin head. Bad trade. Canada will be invaded by the Unilateral Stickmen Anonymous Army. France will be invaded by default, of course. It always manages to be invaded. France sucks.

This post was sponsored the NMWATFC- Give us your money... AND YOUR BAG PIPES!!!!! It was also sponsored by Orban's Big Gun Co. - A helpful note to Prospective Costumers... Buy up our guns before the Enemy does.

Short story Contest

2008-11-04T22:57:00.005-05:00

The Wyrm News Will be having a short story contest. Stories must be shorter than 23,546 pages long and are due by December 1, 2008. Also Due Date for the First sk a Demon Slayer is Friday November 14, 2008. Thanks. And to lighten up your mind abnoput that evil election
Change is Nader in the Office. Vote For Change- The McBama Way
Do You owe your life to Nadar? Probably.

This article was sponserd by the National Mid-Western American Terrorist Farmers Council. We want your money.

And the winner is...

2008-11-04T09:24:00.003-05:00

Today is a momentous day in history. Ralph Nader aka Loozerman won the United States Presidential Election. It means he is the oldest person to become president, the one who try ed the hardest and the First Independent. JA!!!! So pack your bags and start partying. JA!!!!!!!!!
JA!!!!!!!!!!!! JA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!JA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! JA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This article was sponserd by the National Mid-Western American Terrorist Farmers Council. We want your money.

Pre Election Issue

2008-11-03T17:37:00.007-05:00

Well tomorrow is the election day in the Unites States of America, also know as the USA (or Unilateral Stickmen Anonymous). So here is my Pre-election analysis. John McMcain (Johannas McStikk) is leading in Utah. Barack Obama (He who houses terrorist sticks) leads in everything else. Ralph Nader (Loozerman) is running for the 62 time as an independent (random scream in the background). Bob Barr (13013~13@55) is ignored, as is his party the legalize-everythingers. Chuck Baldwin (Hi-yah Charlie) is the constitution party canidate. And the Greens have Cynthia McKinney (Not Ralph). The Vice Presidents are Sarah Palin (Kanyikay) for Johannas McStikk, Joe Biden (not-plumber-joe) for He who houses terrorist sticks, Matt Gonzales (Who is this Guy?), for Loozerman, Wayne Allen Root (Country Time) for 13013~13@55, Darrel Castle (Knight Errant) for Hi-yah Charlie, and Rosa Clemente (Pink Orange) as Not Ralph's veep. None of the other parties matter. Now for my fast paced predictions.

If He-who-houses-terrorist-sticks wins then New Sweden will be over run by racist, über-conservatives looking for a safe place from his evil, liberal views. America will be over run by Non-profits and Wall-e will come true. Israel will be wiped off the face of the Earth.

If Johannas McStikk get elected then he will
A-Nuke Russia, Iran, China, Mexico, Bulgaria, Iraq, Afghanistan, Vietnam, New Sweden, France (Yes), Germany, Japan, Belarus, Australia, Belgium, Canadia, Panama, Georgia, Mongolia, West Virginia, California, Denny's, Massachusetts, Connecticut, Poland, Pakistan, Indonesia, Thailand, United Kingdom, Sweden, Norway, Finland, Iceland, Björk, Your house, Chicago, Iran, Cambodia, Laos, Malaysia, Brunei, Saudi Arabia, Mali, Ghana, Rwanda, South Africa, Syria, Venezuela, Brazil, Argentina, Turkmenistan, Tajikistan, Chile, Bolivia, Columbia, Kazakhstan, Portugal, Kyrgyzstan, Uzbekistan, Iran, Oman, Yemen, Qatar, Kuwait, Alaska, Jordan, Egypt, Algeria, Russia, Azerbaijan, New Sweden, Jamaica, Cuba, Bermuda, Estonia, Latvia, Lithuania, Luxembourg, Switzerland, Hatti, Slovenia, Slovakia, Czech Republic, Romania, Moldova, Serbia, Kosovo, Montenegro, Bosnia and Hertsogovia, Croatia, Italy, Iran, Libya, Sudan, Botswana, New Zealand, Namibia, Mozambique, Angola, Ukraine, San Salvador, El Salvador, Nicaragua, (I move my hand away from the keyboard to reload the missile silos), Iran, Zambia, Democratic Republic of Congo, Republic of Congo, Peru, Ecuador, Antarctica, Madagascar, Equilateral Guinea, Papa New Guinea, East Timor, Japan, Burma, Singapore, Monaco, Malta, Ireland, Denmark, The Netherlands, Tanzania, Kenya, Fiji, Morocco, Vatican City, Chad, Iran, Ethiopia, Eritrea, Somalia, Bahrain, Armenia, Hungry, Liechtenstein, San Marino, Andorra, Maldives, India, Samoa, Tonga, Togo, Central African Republic, Burkina Faso, Turkey, Niger, Nigeria, Mauritania, Guinea, Swaziland, Lesotho, (I look up more countries) Senegal, Western Sahara, Burundi, Iran, Djibouti, Comoros, Malawi, Russia, Mauritius, Uganda, Zimbabwe, Seychelles, Cameroon, Gabon, Côte d'Ivoire, Tunisia, Namibia, Cape Verde, Guinea-Bissau, Pakistan, Sierra Leone, Liberia, Solomon Islands, Vanuatu, Middle Earth, Federated States of Micronesia, Kiribati, Nauru, Pulau, Tuvula, Iran, and any place I forgot to mention, but Israel and the United States of America.
Plan B- He-who-houses-terrorist-sticks becomes a sucide bomber and blows up Johannas McStikk. Then President Kanyikay will create a world government, make an allience with aliens and safely ship everyone of Earth before 12/21/2012.
Plan C- All liberals move to Canadia and get nuked. HAHAHAHA

If Loozerman becomes President a paradox will happen and the World will end 13 weeks 22 hours and 15 minutes early.

If 13013~13@55 becomes president then some idiot will move to New Sweden, sell me the keys to the US Armoury and me and 13013~13@55 will become friends. He will make sure the government won't intervene when America is invaded by Canadia, New Sweden, Russia, Mexico, and France at the Same time.

If Hi-yah-Charlie becomes president then America will be sucked into a black hole and the void will be filled by Mexico.

If Not Nader becomes president then Loozerman will suddenly suck out the life force of Not-Nader and morph into Dynamite Boy, the Crash Test dummy. It will be cool.

New Sweden endorses 13013~13@55 but prefers that you don't vote at all. Voting is bad you know.

This Post was sponsored by: People for Partisanship in Families and the National Mid-Western American Terrorist Farmers Council. Thank You and have a nice day.

And now a message from our Sponsors

2008-11-02T20:24:00.004-05:00

We have our first sponsors!!!!! They are the People for Partisanship in American Families (PPAF) and the National Mid-Western American Terrorist Farmers Council (NMWATFC). The PPAF will be sponsoring The Wyrm News For this post and the next post, while the NMWATFC is sponsoring the next 5 posts, including this one. Since we have nothing else planned, lets have some words from our sponsors.

We as the People for Partisanship in Families, believe it is important for people to hate each other just because they have different political views. That means that we think that you should teach your kids to be partisan today. Nothing makes us feel Happier than seeing little kids fight each other because their parents are voting for different presidential candidates. We believe that Partisanship, like racism and sexism, should start in the home. We also believe it is important to tell your kids to vote for people according to their party, not because of their stance on issues. We ask you to exercise your privilege to vote and vote for the candidate of the party you like more. You simply are Un-American if you vote for the issues. We think that everyone must be registered in a party and only vote for that party. We think that independent should be "rewarded" for their non-conformism with happiness for the rest of their life. So vote for the person your registered in your party on Tuesday. And Remember folks, it is good to bomb the houses of those who vote against your party, destroy and replace yard signs that are against your party, and getting drunk right before you vote. That's all we have to say.

The NMWATFC thinks that people should pay more attention to farmers. Farmers produce food you know But in recent times people have scorned the Farming life for the city. The city is a horrible polluted place where crime is abundant. But people still like that thing. They continue to mock farmers. They get thier high wages as doctors and lawyers and teachers, and then ignore us as we die toiling for them to get fat. So we had it. We want the government to give us more money and attention, Or we WILL BLOW UP THE CITY! KABOOOOOOOOOM! YEs we will blow it UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Give us your support or we will kill you. Down with the rich and up with the farmers. Down with industry. UP with Food. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!

My Vacation

2008-11-01T20:12:00.004-04:00

I went to Hawaii. it was fun... Until the police came. So I hopped onto my plane and flew to Kansas. Kansas was not fun. The only reason I went to Kansas Was because I was speaking at the 27th National Mid-Western American Terrorist Farmers Council (NMWATFC). It was boring. The NMWATFC people thought I actually farmed. Just because I lived on a farm back before the demons came doesn't mean I know how to farm. It has been about 5280 Years since I did any major farming. A lot advances have been made in agriculture since than. The only good thing about it was I won a tractor with machine guns in a door prize. Than I got on my plane. Made a few stops to various cities, got my spies ready for Halloween, refueled and went home. Than I slept. Over all my vacation was okay. Now for some pictures.That was one creapy rabbit. So I took a picture of it.Never thought I could surf that well. Man that wave was small.Escape to the KansasYou know a place sucks when the women have mustaches and beards like that. This is the President of the NMWATFCI won this!!!!!! Isn't it awesome.

Epic 50th: 1/11/08

2008-11-01T14:48:00.006-04:00

Today is my epic 50Th post. But will it be epic. We will just have to see. First up:

The letter of the day is Þ. the Þ is used in Icelandic. It is very cool. With it you can spell Þórr. What does that mean. you will have to find out.

The wise Guy is on Vacation. From the Himalayas he says "ஹாய் ய் போல்க்ஸ். இ லைக் த. "

Features:
I sent some spies to various parts of America Yesterday. Some of my spies in Cleveland uncovered the fact that Mayor Beryl E Rothschild has been trying to atone for the trouble that she caused last year. That trouble would be the fact that she stole candy from little kids, created a major supreme court case, caused a civil war, and then a war with Canada. Man she was one busy old lady. But the point is this Halloween my spy's reported that she was handing out candy. Clearly she is trying to get rid of that year old candy she stole last year. Congratulations to her.

Feature 2:
Today we will be starting a new semi common feature: Ask a Demon Slayer. It is an advice Column were readers send me their questions and i answer them. Just post your questions on this post or any Ask a Demon Slayer posts. Or E-mail them to me at my e-mail. you need to ask me for it first.

Feature 3: Disclaimer: This is a rant. If you don't like rants suck it up and take it like a man.

Canada should be spelled Canadia and be pronounced Can-Ay-Dee-Ah, not Can-Ah-Duh. Duh as in it is so stupid it is obvious. Canada should be changed to Canadia because there is a language called Kannada. There are 35 million native speakers of Kannada and only 33 m,illion Canadians. So Kannada gets the name. Also shouldn't inhabitants of Canada be called Canadans (Can-ah-Dins) as in they are a can of dins(n should be replaced with m), because Canada is a can of dim (inhabitants). So start petitioning the Canadian Government to change thier countries name to Canadia. It is better for the World.

Feature 4-
The map does lie sometimes. I tricked it so that it can't find me, New Sweden or any of my computers and other things like that. But It is useful. Like I learned that A man in Kurdistan read my post on Terrorism. I am not sure if that is good or bad. Also I learned if you google: Sweden's opinion on terrorism- The Wyrm News is Number 1. Yes!!

Main Feature: The Epic History of The Wyrm News, New Sweden and All that Matter: Part 1/36+- The Wyrm News Year 1.

The Wyrm News began on November First of 2007. It was started when I, the Benevolent Ruler of New Sweden, Head of the Demon-Slayers, Knight of the Golden Emperor, The Chicken Master of Old Beetrack, Assassin of Arch-Duke Ferdinand, the chief advisor to Alexander the Great, The real killer of Marcus Junius Brutus, Founder of Orban's Great Big Gun Co (c.1449), Great Keeper of the lost records of Pre-Romance Mongolia, etc etc etc. I decided that after ruling New Sweden for about 18 months, that the people needed a state run Newspaper. So I created one. It grew to have music, Pictures, scrolling messages, comments, polls, quotes, maps, more polls, more music, another comment, election reporting, links, flags, geckos, crime reporting, story arcs and more. Our most important story was on the King of Candy. But what should the Wyrm News do for the future. This was The Epic History of The Wyrm News, New Sweden and All that Matter: Part 1/36+- The Wyrm News Year 1. Yes wasn't it epic.

Well look forward to the New Wyrm News Stories. We hope to reach 150 post by this time next year. We want lots of comments, plenty of polls, Ask a Demon Slayer letters, and money. So help us. And apply for an interview sesion. Plus Mythos Wyrm Autographs are only $57.36 so buy one to day.

Vacation

2008-10-19T14:48:00.006-04:00

This will be my last post for a while. i am going on Vacation to the Pearly sands of Hawaii. Yes it is in America but they won't catch me. Also I caught a Canadian Spy in the New Swedish Countryside. They must not have known that meese (plural of moose) donn't wear Canadian flags. But they might never learn. Also should I invade France? It wouldn't be that good of practise for my army but still would increase my territory.

The Dutch, The Icelanders and Nuclear Proliferation: A rant in Verse

2008-10-17T16:41:00.005-04:00

Read the Title. DON"T INSULT MY POETRY

Dutch
The Dutch are wierd
The Dutch are Hating America, with a beard(ed passion)
Yet Half of them want to live here
Now that is just so stranger

An Ode to Iceland

It is Greener than Greenland,
Colder than France
Has more geothermal power than Bulgaria
But its Economy is plumitin' Like Molgara
It bought up all the its banks
Its is secretly buying battle tanks
For when it turns to raiding
Like it did in the Good ole Days

Nuclear Proliferation (to be chanted with the leader Yelling lines A and the followers yeling lines B)

(A) Who's Afriad of Nukes
(B)Russia is.
(A)Who has a lot of Nukes
(B)Russia does.
(A)Who should be afraid of places like North Korea and Iran.
(B)The USAh
(AB)Not Russia

You know that was good poetry. Note USAH is pronounced Yoo-Ess-Ay-AH

The Evils of New Sweden, Part 1

2008-10-16T17:24:00.003-04:00

This is a list of things counted as evil in New Sweden.

Þ Penguins- They think that they are superior to other birds. Why else would they were tuxedos. Therefore they are elitist, and In New Sweden there is no elitism. For being evil, nothing about penguins may be published that includes movies and books, along with magazine articles and music, among other things. You may not dress up as a penguin or be anything like a penguin.

Þ Chocolate- Chocolate is adored by many. But it is from the Americas. And our Sworn Enemies, The United States and Canada, are on the American Continent. Therefore chocolate is our enemy. Punishment- For being Evil, Only chocolate that has clear proof that it was made from only African cacao beans maybe brought in or consumed in New Sweden

Þ Webkinz- Webkinz are stuffed animals. But they are bought so that you can play things online. Therefore Webkinz, rather than improving people's imagination, they decrease their imagination until the person's brain rots. Punishment- The Website is not allowed because it ruins minds. Anybody found on the Webkinz Website will be promptly reeducated.

Þ Burger King, Wendy's, Other Fast food restaurants (except for McDonald's)- These restaurants thinks they are better than McDonald's. McDonald's is the National Restaurant of New Sweden. That means that any competition will be harmful to McDonald's. PUNISHMENT- No McDonald's Competition may set up a shop in New Sweden. Nor may anybody bring an object from one of those restaurants into New Sweden.

Þ Parodies- Parodies can be funny. But they also can hurt peoples feelings. Therefore they are not nice and are evil. Punishment- Nobody may parody or be parodied. If you parody the government it will be even worse.

PArt two comes later.

IQ Test

2008-10-12T21:19:00.001-04:00

I took a stupid online IQ test today. It gave me an extremeely low score of 153. I know my IQ is much higher than that. It is probeley in the 1500s, to be modest.
Free-IQTest.net - Free IQ Test

Classified

2008-10-06T22:21:00.009-04:00

Should the Wyrm News have advertisements. Or sell tee-shirts and coffee mugs. Give me your fundraisng thoughts. I really need to know since the Wyrm News has been running out of funds, even with our massive oil tanker capture. None of that money went to the Wyrm News's budget, just to the common people. o please send me your ideas your donate money to the Wyrm news. And you can buy advertising space in one of the ads that I wil now place in the article. Sometimes they will be scrolling, other times images, you never know.

This post was sponsored by the Jim and Joe Foundation. Celebrating 19 years of excellence. And by Squirrels R US. Need a leash for you Squirrel? We got it.

Oil

2008-10-06T17:50:00.003-04:00

Last week our economy soared with a raid on a Norwegian Oil tanker. With the profits made from the oil, people got bonuses and I bought a new couch for my palace. But that is not the piont. The point is Why don't people protect their valubles better. Our Small task force took out the driversw and guards so easily it wasn't funny (to them at least). You would think that whith all this oil these rich companies would spend a little more money to protect their goods from poor people who need money to feed their familes. But it is thier fault they let people take their stuff. I like my new couch it is comfortable.